Кин-дза-дза!

Subtitles in SubViewer (.sub) format (Version 2.0)

Part 1: kdd1.sub
Part 2: kdd2.sub

Subtitles in SubRip (.srt) format

Part 1: kin-dza-dza-1.srt
Part 2: kin-dza-dza-2.srt

***


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Subtitles: kin-dza-dza.org.ru
Based on the subtitles by
SadGeezer & NewKate

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Subtitles: kin-dza-dza.org.ru
Editor in chief:
Durtz

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Subtitles: kin-dza-dza.org.ru
Translators: Nightingale, JD,
Karabister, Cactus of Alpha

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The Creative Union
of Comedy and Musical Films

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presents

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Kin-Dza-Dza!

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Stanislav LYUBSHIN
as Mashkov

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Evgeni LEONOV
as Wef

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Yuri YAKOVLEV
as Bee

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and introducing
Levan GABRIADZE
as Gedevan

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Screenplay
Revaz GABRIADZE
Georgi DANELIA

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Director
Georgi DANELIA

13
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Cinematography
Pavel LEBESHEV

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00:00:53,232 --> 00:00:58,270
Production Design
Alexander SAMULEKIN
Theodor TEZHIK

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00:00:58,835 --> 00:01:02,698
Original Music
Gia KANCHELI

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00:01:03,119 --> 00:01:06,881
Sound
Yekaterina POPOVA-EVANS

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Assistant Director &
Special Effects Supervisor
Sergei KHRAMTSOV

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Second Unit Directors:
Leonid BITZ
Karen GEVORKIAN

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Co-starring:
Anatoli SIRENKO
as the Barefoot Wanderer

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Irina SHMELYOVA
as Tsan, the cart driver

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Galina DANELIA-YURKOVA
as Mashkov's wife

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00:01:30,097 --> 00:01:33,633
Alexander LITOVKIN
as Gor, the gang leader

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Lev PERFILOV
as Kyrr, the dissident

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Tatiana NOVITSKAYA
as Lady Tinai

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Special Appearance of
Olga MASHNAYA
as Ms Dekont

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...and Georgi DANELIA
as Abradox

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Thanks to all members
of kin-dza-dza.org.ru
community,

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especially
Andy Hurwitz, Vitaly Koissin...
...and Google

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KIN-DZA-DZA!
Part One

30
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Hi

31
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Hi

32
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(Lucy: )
What's new?

33
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(Mashkov: )
Manokhin's had pipes burst
at his building site

34
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(song on TV: )
"...Mama, mama,
what shall I do?"

35
00:02:37,830 --> 00:02:40,147
"How will I manage
when winter comes?"

36
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"I have got
no winter coat."

37
00:02:42,991 --> 00:02:45,350
"I have got
no winter hat..."

38
00:02:51,328 --> 00:02:53,328
(Mashkov: )
How's our A-student?

39
00:02:53,946 --> 00:02:55,457
(Lucy: )
He's out playing...

40
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:59,720
Vova, I forgot to buy bread.
Could you...?

41
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And get some macaroni, OK?

42
00:03:19,277 --> 00:03:20,196
Comrade,

43
00:03:20,316 --> 00:03:22,307
that man says
he's from another planet...

44
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we have to do something!

45
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- Call the ambulance.

46
00:03:25,822 --> 00:03:29,239
- I will... but he's almost barefoot -
he'll catch a cold.

47
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- Hello!
- Hello.

48
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Excuse my bad smell.

49
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I'm cold.
I got this from that metal box.

50
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Well done.

51
00:03:41,818 --> 00:03:42,874
Friend!

52
00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:45,859
Can you tell me your planet number
in the Tenture?

53
00:03:45,979 --> 00:03:48,631
Or at least your galaxy number
in the Spiral?

54
00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:52,617
I've got the contacts mixed up
and now I can't get home.

55
00:03:52,949 --> 00:03:54,452
We don't know the number,
my friend.

56
00:03:54,698 --> 00:03:56,106
We forgot it.

57
00:03:56,773 --> 00:03:59,389
Now, this lad will call
the information office,

58
00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:02,636
and we'll wait for him together
in the bakery, OK?

59
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,481
Here, put this on.

60
00:04:04,707 --> 00:04:05,934
Thank you...

61
00:04:06,269 --> 00:04:08,003
Listen, friends.

62
00:04:08,355 --> 00:04:11,778
There's no need for the bakery,
no need for information.

63
00:04:12,105 --> 00:04:13,581
This is my planet...

64
00:04:14,795 --> 00:04:19,676
Uzm, 247 in the Tenture,
Beta galaxy in the Spiral.

65
00:04:20,182 --> 00:04:23,813
This is my space transfer machine...

66
00:04:24,179 --> 00:04:28,007
So, which contact do I press
to transfer home?

67
00:04:28,303 --> 00:04:31,101
Because time is relative -
that you understand, right?

68
00:04:31,427 --> 00:04:32,749
OK, I have a proposition.

69
00:04:32,869 --> 00:04:34,972
We'll just press a contact...

70
00:04:35,461 --> 00:04:37,317
...and transfer to your place.

71
00:04:37,437 --> 00:04:40,009
But if the machine doesn't work,

72
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then you transfer with us
to where we transfer you, OK?

73
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,681
No, you can't just press it!..
You have to know...

74
00:04:47,801 --> 00:04:50,453
Sure I can, my friend.

75
00:05:08,097 --> 00:05:10,219
And YOU... what can you see?
Eh?

76
00:05:10,339 --> 00:05:11,655
(Gedevan: )
Sand...

77
00:05:11,775 --> 00:05:14,827
So that stupid gadget worked...

78
00:05:18,162 --> 00:05:22,596
And that jerk with the holes,
was he left behind?

79
00:05:24,436 --> 00:05:26,965
Calm down... calm down...

80
00:05:29,303 --> 00:05:33,042
There's the sun, there's sand,
there's gravity.

81
00:05:33,162 --> 00:05:37,022
So where are we?
We're on Earth. Or...

82
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(Gedevan: )
Or?

83
00:05:37,991 --> 00:05:42,437
No, let's take it we're on Earth,
in some desert... Eh?

84
00:05:42,962 --> 00:05:47,068
The Karakum?
What other deserts do we have?

85
00:05:47,322 --> 00:05:48,575
(Gedevan: )
Gobi, Sahara...

86
00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:49,960
No, I said WE have!

87
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,588
We have also the Kyzyl-Kum.

88
00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:58,237
No. Let's take it that it's
the Karakum.

89
00:05:59,978 --> 00:06:01,637
OK?
So that means...

90
00:06:02,097 --> 00:06:05,737
The sun's to the west...
so, Ashkhabad is this way.

91
00:06:06,164 --> 00:06:08,765
Got it?
Let's go!

92
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,560
Come on... let's go!

93
00:06:42,552 --> 00:06:44,020
Comrade,

94
00:06:44,561 --> 00:06:46,878
what's your name?

95
00:06:46,998 --> 00:06:48,964
Vladimir Nikolaevich.

96
00:06:49,814 --> 00:06:51,616
My name is Gedevan.

97
00:06:51,882 --> 00:06:54,243
Pleased to meet you...

98
00:07:10,037 --> 00:07:13,453
You have a bottle in your case,
is it wine?

99
00:07:14,176 --> 00:07:17,493
No, it's vinegar.

100
00:07:20,949 --> 00:07:24,483
I also have some herbs -
kindza.
('coriander' in Georgian)

101
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:26,894
Oh... We're all set then.

102
00:07:31,894 --> 00:07:33,384
Vladimir Nikolaevich,

103
00:07:33,504 --> 00:07:35,929
do you remember
the number he mentioned,

104
00:07:36,049 --> 00:07:38,595
the guy who took my sock?

105
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No.

106
00:07:40,763 --> 00:07:44,540
Maybe we're on the planet
he came from?

107
00:07:44,742 --> 00:07:46,319
Listen, Fiddler!

108
00:07:47,028 --> 00:07:49,842
Whatever we guess,
it won’t change a damn thing!

109
00:07:49,962 --> 00:07:52,872
The direction is chosen.
Just go!

110
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:57,430
The key is to get to the water.
Got it?

111
00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:03,967
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
I want to change into slippers.

112
00:08:04,087 --> 00:08:05,708
Well, do it!

113
00:08:05,828 --> 00:08:07,444
Then WAIT!

114
00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:17,519
What's the time?

115
00:08:17,639 --> 00:08:18,932
Four.

116
00:08:19,359 --> 00:08:20,574
In the morning?

117
00:08:20,924 --> 00:08:22,381
Yes...

118
00:08:28,228 --> 00:08:29,936
(Mashkov: )
Getting late?

119
00:08:31,085 --> 00:08:33,998
It's quite awkward...
I phoned from the airport,

120
00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:35,218
said I'd be in an hour...

121
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:36,940
and here we are...

122
00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,274
You study music?

123
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:43,599
(Gedevan: )
No, it's not mine.
Professor Rogozin’s one.

124
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:48,523
He gave a concert in my hometown.
After, they forgot to put

125
00:08:48,643 --> 00:08:49,914
the violin on the plane.

126
00:08:50,506 --> 00:08:51,546
A banquet?

127
00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:52,784
No, just a dinner...

128
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:55,469
Aha.
Are you from Tbilisi?

129
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,037
(Gedevan: )
No, Batumi.

130
00:08:58,590 --> 00:09:01,974
I thought I'd return the violin,
and still have time to catch the train.

131
00:09:02,094 --> 00:09:04,930
I study in Textile Institute in Ivanovo.

132
00:09:05,324 --> 00:09:06,178
Aha...

133
00:09:06,298 --> 00:09:10,377
First, I wanted to study in MGIMO,
the institute of international relations,

134
00:09:10,596 --> 00:09:12,392
but they said...

135
00:09:12,705 --> 00:09:13,745
Quiet!...

136
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:17,444
- Koo!
- A man...

137
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,636
Koo!

138
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,191
- Koo.
- Hello...
- Koo!

139
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,837
- Koo!

140
00:10:39,287 --> 00:10:43,100
It's a capitalist country.

141
00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:56,356
(Two men are singing: )
Koo! Koo! Koo! Wuuuu!!!

142
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,670
Gedevan! Do you speak
any foreign languages?

143
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,727
English. A little French.

144
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:10,330
Tell them we have no money...

145
00:11:11,407 --> 00:11:14,280
Tell them!
They want to be paid!

146
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:21,216
(Gedevan - in English: )
Gentlemen, sorry!
We haven't money... now!

147
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,889
- Koo?!

148
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:43,591
Hello! We are Soviet tourists.
We lost our group.

149
00:11:43,747 --> 00:11:49,470
Pick us up to the nearest city,
and then we'll manage by ourselves...
...Translate, Fiddler.

150
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:54,202
(Gedevan - in English: )
Do you speak English?
(The stranger: ) – Koo?

151
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,100
- Parlez-francais?
- Koo...

152
00:11:57,700 --> 00:12:05,001
Hi! Do you speak English?
Parlez-francais?

153
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:09,004
...Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

154
00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:11,198
- Koo!

155
00:12:16,567 --> 00:12:19,101
Chatl!

156
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:27,310
No money. We left passports and
currency with the tour guide.

157
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:33,330
It just so happened...
We walked away for a moment...
and got lost in the sands.

158
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:43,980
- Grr... Kyoo.

159
00:12:47,077 --> 00:12:51,238
- Take it. It's warm.
- Koo!

160
00:12:51,887 --> 00:12:54,166
Pardon, what?

161
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:59,835
- Koo!
- You want my hat? OK.

162
00:13:07,127 --> 00:13:12,450
I'm sorry, it's not mine,
I can't give it away...

163
00:13:15,207 --> 00:13:18,680
(Gedevan: )
There's nothing in there.

164
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,370
(Mashkov: )
Open it.

165
00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:31,817
(Gedevan: )
It's not wine, it's vinegar.
(The stranger: ) – Koo!

166
00:13:37,286 --> 00:13:40,950
- Sour, right?
- Kyoo... Weeeh...

167
00:13:49,047 --> 00:13:54,430
Well, friend, so that's settled?
You’ll give us a lift?..

168
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,760
Fiddler, hurry up!..

169
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:06,090
As I said, just to the nearest city!
Once there,
we'll easily find the way!

170
00:14:06,232 --> 00:14:11,275
- Koo!
- The jacket now...
You want it too?

171
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,110
(Mashkov: )
- Bastards!

172
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:32,230
(Gedevan: )
- Glad I didn't give them the violin.

173
00:14:51,227 --> 00:14:54,420
(Gedevan: )
Looks like they're ashamed!

174
00:15:09,247 --> 00:15:13,035
Ketse! Ketse!!

175
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,610
- What does it mean, 'ketse'?
- Ketse!

176
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:23,757
He seems to want a match.

177
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:27,631
- You want a match?
- Ketse!

178
00:15:30,047 --> 00:15:32,940
Here. It’s yours.

179
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:51,240
- Koo!
- The whole box?
- Koo!

180
00:15:51,987 --> 00:15:56,670
Take us away from here,
and we'll give you 'koo'.

181
00:17:11,787 --> 00:17:19,002
Not a single letter,
not a single 'made in' label...

182
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:28,654
- Koo!
- Sorry, I don't understand...

183
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,196
- Sprechen Sie Turkisch?
- Kyoo!

184
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:45,360
- Koo.
- What do they want?

185
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:50,020
KOO they want!

186
00:18:03,867 --> 00:18:06,002
Tsak!

187
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,110
Thank you...

188
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:18,630
- Tsak!
- He wants me
to put the bell on.

189
00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:22,950
(Mashkov: )
- Not on his life!

190
00:18:23,184 --> 00:18:29,730
- Tsak! Tsak...
- I'll do it, Vladimir Nikolaevich,
if it makes him happy...

191
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:33,200
Go ahead!
Do what you want.

192
00:18:43,820 --> 00:19:03,598
- Tsak! Tsak... tsak...
- OK, you pushed it enough.

193
00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:16,255
Ding, ding.

194
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,073
Koo.

195
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,235
Koo!

196
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,149
- Koo!
- Koo!

197
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,437
Koo.

198
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:40,860
I'll just have a cigarette,
if that's all right with you...

199
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,077
- Ketse!!!
- Calm down, calm down!
- Ketse... Woe...

200
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,277
Real ketse!

201
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:40,380
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
maybe we're really on...

202
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:44,710
Yeah right!
They’re typical Martians.

203
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,432
Kyoo!

204
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:12,880
(The tall stranger: )
Lucy darling,
damn you with your... macaroni.

205
00:22:21,447 --> 00:22:29,240
So... You speak Russian do you?
Why was it necessary to conceal it?

206
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:36,030
Well, we didn't.
It's hard to penetrate your language,
when your thoughts are bilingual.

207
00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:41,150
And this Patsak is always talkin'
in languages, the rest of which
he doesn't know!

208
00:22:41,230 --> 00:22:44,470
Why are you starin' at me,
maimuna verishvilo?!

209
00:22:45,170 --> 00:22:47,000
They speak Georgian too...

210
00:22:47,060 --> 00:22:48,710
What did he say?

211
00:22:48,810 --> 00:22:50,240
Monkey son of a donkey.

---
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:55,610
Alright.
We're from the Soviet Union,
here on a cultural exchange.

184
00:22:55,610 --> 00:22:58,040
Our compatriots know
where we are.
They're looking for us.

185
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:04,880
If you're not going to let us contact
our embassy, you'll be in big trouble,
is that clear?

186
00:23:09,370 --> 00:23:12,900
We don't understand ‘embassy’.
Put the tsak back!

187
00:23:13,610 --> 00:23:21,290
You understand macaroni,
you understand maimuna,
yet you don’t know...

188
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,660
...what's an embassy?!
Quit messing with us!
Got it?

189
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:33,850
You thought about macaroni
and I just repeated it. It's not
Earth, not Africa, my friend.

190
00:23:33,850 --> 00:23:43,460
It's the planet Pluke, 215
in the Tenture. The Kin Dza Dza
galaxy in the Spiral. Got it?

191
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:49,550
Congrats... here we are.

192
00:23:51,550 --> 00:23:57,270
Put the bell on, my friend...
Put it on.

193
00:24:00,820 --> 00:24:04,890
Good boy, well done.

194
00:24:33,150 --> 00:24:34,910
Excuse me,
where have we landed?

195
00:24:34,910 --> 00:24:40,470
Sh! She has very sharp ears.
Do you know the tenture
of your planet?

196
00:24:40,470 --> 00:24:41,420
Tenture?

197
00:24:41,420 --> 00:24:45,480
Well, tell us your galaxy number
in the Spiral.

198
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:46,310
In... what?
In the spiral?

199
00:24:46,310 --> 00:24:47,730
Yes, in the Spiral...
in the Spiral...

200
00:24:47,730 --> 00:24:48,140
Er... The Earth is... er...

201
00:24:48,140 --> 00:24:55,760
It orbits with such planets as er...
Venus, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter...

202
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,700
What else, Vladimir Nikolaevich?

203
00:24:57,700 --> 00:24:59,290
Ursa Major.

204
00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:01,650
Vladimir Nikolaevich, come here.

205
00:25:07,620 --> 00:25:10,620
Do you have more matches
on your planet?

206
00:25:10,620 --> 00:25:12,380
Well, I'll try an' get some.

207
00:25:12,380 --> 00:25:15,400
How many will you give us
if we PUT you back there?

208
00:25:16,580 --> 00:25:18,170
How many do you want?

209
00:25:18,170 --> 00:25:20,420
Two boxes like that!!

210
00:25:20,420 --> 00:25:21,600
Seven!

211
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,120
Yes! Seven!

212
00:25:23,710 --> 00:25:28,790
And this box...
Give it to me now!
I'll buy a gravitsapa.

213
00:25:28,790 --> 00:25:30,920
Excuse me,
what is a gravitsapa?

214
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:35,990
Without a gravitsapa a pepelats
can only fly like this,

215
00:25:35,990 --> 00:25:41,430
but with it you can reach
any point in the universe -
in 5 seconds.

216
00:25:41,430 --> 00:25:47,100
Hey, you've taken a pepelats out
of the garage without a gravitsapa?!
It's no good!

217
00:25:47,100 --> 00:25:50,150
We had a gravitsapa. But when
we came here, it got pinched.

218
00:25:50,150 --> 00:25:51,330
Aha.

219
00:25:51,330 --> 00:25:53,290
Excuse me, do you have
a space transfer machine?

220
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:53,760
No.

221
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:54,470
No, we have none.

222
00:25:54,940 --> 00:25:56,650
Give me the matches.

223
00:25:57,010 --> 00:25:58,780
Give us some water.

224
00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:26,560
Like this! You must do this!
You must do this!
Do this...

225
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:30,280
This is yours,
this is how you smoke now.

226
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,280
Thank you.

227
00:26:36,430 --> 00:26:41,380
- Koo! Koo!
- He said they have a gravitsapa.
Put your matches here.

228
00:26:41,610 --> 00:26:46,580
I have a proposition.
When you PUT us on the Earth,
you'll get this and this.

229
00:26:46,580 --> 00:26:47,700
That's all.
- What??

230
00:26:47,700 --> 00:26:50,520
Come on, Fiddler,
to the outer space.

231
00:26:51,180 --> 00:26:58,250
Wait! Come back.
Give it to me!

232
00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:00,730
On Mother Earth you'll get them.

233
00:27:00,730 --> 00:27:06,330
Vladimir Nikolaevich! You said
if we take you, you'd give us
all of it!

234
00:27:06,330 --> 00:27:11,580
But then you stole this match from us!
Patsak won't cheat on Patsak.
It's not nice, my friend...

235
00:27:11,580 --> 00:27:13,540
I said - take us to the city!

236
00:27:13,540 --> 00:27:14,840
And what's this?

237
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:15,840
A barn!

238
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:24,400
And this? And this?
What's this here - not a city?!

239
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:31,650
Stop pissin' about!
Let's see that gravitsapa.
If it's major brand, we'll take it.

240
00:27:32,590 --> 00:27:42,380
What bonehead would take smuggled
ketse in front of witnesses?! You'll get
life-long ecikh with nails for it!

241
00:27:42,380 --> 00:27:45,030
Stupid Patsak!
Wha'd'you have in your head,
brain or kyoo?

242
00:27:47,110 --> 00:27:49,350
We'll buy it ourselves.
Let's go, Fiddler.

243
00:27:51,130 --> 00:27:54,770
Stop! Stop I said!

244
00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:06,290
Who are you?
I asked who are you?!

245
00:28:07,410 --> 00:28:08,700
An alien foreman.

246
00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:11,710
No. You're Patsak!
And who are you?

247
00:28:11,710 --> 00:28:13,020
I'm Georgian.

248
00:28:13,020 --> 00:28:18,870
No, You're Patsak, too!
You're Patsak, you're Patsak
and he's also Patsak!

249
00:28:18,870 --> 00:28:22,100
But I'm Chatlanian!
And they are Chatlanian too!

250
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:26,350
So you put your tsak on
and sit in pepelats, got it?

251
00:28:26,710 --> 00:28:28,050
What?

252
00:28:28,050 --> 00:28:34,840
Watch, my friend... When I point
this visator at myself, which signal
registers? Green.

253
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:41,400
Now at him, watch - green, too.
And at you... Green.

254
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:46,110
Now look at Wef - which colour?
Orange?

255
00:28:46,110 --> 00:28:50,720
Because he is Chatlanian!
Well, do you understand?

256
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:51,720
So what?

257
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:56,800
Pluke is a Chatlanian planet.
Therefore we Patsaks must
wear tsak...

258
00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:01,930
Yes! And in front of us Chatlanians
you must do like this!

259
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,710
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
it's an unbridled racism.

260
00:29:06,060 --> 00:29:07,960
Come again, please.

261
00:29:08,550 --> 00:29:09,670
Like this!

262
00:29:09,670 --> 00:29:11,540
A bit slower, could you?

263
00:29:11,540 --> 00:29:13,380
Like this.

264
00:29:14,740 --> 00:29:23,300
V.N., you have a wife at home,
a son struggling for a C average,
a cooperative flat you haven't paid for,

265
00:29:23,300 --> 00:29:30,370
and now you're messing around.
You'll come to no good, my friend.

266
00:29:35,220 --> 00:29:37,740
Alright, Fiddler,
let's play their games...

267
00:29:37,740 --> 00:29:39,160
There we are, well done.

268
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,820
Now give a match to Wef,
he'll buy the gravitsapa.

269
00:29:42,820 --> 00:29:44,710
He said he needed them all.

270
00:29:44,710 --> 00:29:46,840
I was joking.

271
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,830
Very funny.

272
00:29:51,260 --> 00:29:54,390
Koo. Wait.
We'll go together...

273
00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:02,710
Don't show 'em your ketse,
and don't think about it.

274
00:30:02,710 --> 00:30:05,880
Just show 'em mine.
And don't give 'em more
than half a match.

275
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,070
Gravitsapa costs half a match.

276
00:30:09,250 --> 00:30:11,970
Your Patsak said a whole match.

277
00:30:13,210 --> 00:30:15,390
He was joking, too.

278
00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:34,100
Concrete mark 300?

279
00:30:36,930 --> 00:30:40,650
Patsak!
Remember - half or less.

280
00:30:40,650 --> 00:30:41,830
OK.

281
00:30:41,830 --> 00:30:44,840
Excuse me...
Chatlanian and Patsak -
is it nationality?

282
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,840
No.

283
00:30:47,140 --> 00:30:48,620
Biological factor?

284
00:30:48,620 --> 00:30:49,620
No.

285
00:30:49,620 --> 00:30:51,220
From different planets?

286
00:30:51,220 --> 00:30:52,390
No.

287
00:30:52,390 --> 00:30:54,740
So what distinguishes
one from another?

288
00:30:54,740 --> 00:30:59,290
Are you colour-blind, Fiddler?

289
00:30:59,290 --> 00:31:01,300
Can't you tell green from orange?..
Tourist!

290
00:31:07,250 --> 00:31:09,250
Wow!

291
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:12,970
Skyscraper!

292
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,290
Come on!

293
00:31:28,340 --> 00:31:30,270
Koo!
Vova, do as I taught!

294
00:31:30,570 --> 00:31:35,820
Hi, citizen.
You don't feel cold
in the coat, do you?

295
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:51,340
They won’t let me in.
They want you alone.
Don't give 'em ketse,

296
00:31:51,340 --> 00:31:53,930
bring the gravitsapa here,
I'll check it.

297
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,180
Enter!

298
00:32:00,420 --> 00:32:01,840
Not you!

299
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:02,960
We're together!

300
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,200
Not you!

301
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,860
Vladimir Nikolaevich, tell him!

302
00:32:06,860 --> 00:32:08,860
It's alright.

303
00:32:09,570 --> 00:32:11,390
Wait here.

304
00:32:18,140 --> 00:32:20,490
But don't leave!

305
00:32:39,310 --> 00:32:41,140
Hi!

306
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,330
How are things?

307
00:32:49,700 --> 00:32:55,310
You want me to squat...
well, just out of respect
for the ladies present...

308
00:32:58,370 --> 00:33:01,150
Well what's new... on Pluke?

309
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,330
Gimme ketse,
you'll get a gravitsapa.

310
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,800
A half!

311
00:33:20,670 --> 00:33:22,680
Yeah, a half.

312
00:33:23,510 --> 00:33:25,330
May I have a look?

313
00:33:25,330 --> 00:33:27,330
Sure.

314
00:33:38,790 --> 00:33:46,580
Actually, I am not an expert
in these gravitsapas... So let's go
and show it to my Chatlanian...

315
00:33:46,580 --> 00:33:49,660
- He'll check it, OK?
- Jus’ a moment while we
install the tsapa.

316
00:34:07,470 --> 00:34:09,590
Sore throat?

317
00:34:14,370 --> 00:34:15,780
It’s water...

318
00:34:15,780 --> 00:34:24,580
I have a proposition.
I'll give you the rest of this ketse
for two bottles of water.

319
00:34:24,580 --> 00:34:26,580
- Agreed?
- OK.

320
00:34:37,910 --> 00:34:39,810
Do you have food?

321
00:34:39,810 --> 00:34:41,630
Kasha...

322
00:34:41,630 --> 00:34:43,640
What kind?

323
00:34:44,530 --> 00:34:46,770
Plastic.

324
00:34:52,500 --> 00:35:03,580
I’ll give you this whole ketse
for five bottles of water
and a kilo of kasha.

325
00:35:07,530 --> 00:35:08,710
What’s this?

326
00:35:08,710 --> 00:35:10,360
Ketse.

327
00:35:11,370 --> 00:35:12,790
We have to check it again.

328
00:35:12,790 --> 00:35:14,790
- Well, check it.
- Koo!

329
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,620
Hey, where are you going?

330
00:35:36,740 --> 00:35:38,520
Wait man...

331
00:36:06,020 --> 00:36:11,150
Fiddler! Can you obtain more
matches on Earth?

332
00:36:12,030 --> 00:36:14,210
I can.

333
00:36:17,050 --> 00:36:22,950
If you can spit further than me,
I'll give you half a chatl.
This is a Spitta.

334
00:36:22,950 --> 00:36:27,730
And if I can OVERSPIT you,
you’ll give me two matches....

335
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:38,580
Understood?

336
00:36:38,580 --> 00:36:39,290
No.

337
00:36:39,290 --> 00:36:44,960
It's just a simple game.
I bet half a chatl,
you bet 3 matches.

338
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,310
Come on, spit, sonnie!

339
00:36:46,310 --> 00:36:48,300
Thank you, I'd rather not.

340
00:36:49,260 --> 00:36:57,470
OK, you bet one match,
I bet 3 chatls an’ Yellow Pants,
and I’ll give you...

341
00:36:57,470 --> 00:36:59,060
...a head-start LIKE THIS!
Come on!
- No!

342
00:36:59,060 --> 00:37:00,360
Well, Blue Pants!

343
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:03,190
Mr Uef, I will not enter
on аny terms and conditions.

344
00:37:03,190 --> 00:37:11,870
Is that CRUELLY FINAL?
So why are you pissin’ about,
maimuna verishvilo?!

345
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:20,720
Mr Wef! I represent a civilized planet,
and I insist that you watch
your language! Yeah!

346
00:37:48,630 --> 00:37:50,690
Where are they?

347
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:52,040
Who?

348
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:56,120
That one, with a scar!
I'm such a bonehead!
I gave him all the matches!

349
00:39:06,460 --> 00:39:08,810
- Kyoo... Woe...
- Stop it, men. Enough!

350
00:39:10,110 --> 00:39:15,610
Enough? Enough?!
I told him a thousand times
we should go to the Centre!

351
00:39:15,610 --> 00:39:20,740
But he's greedy like all Chatlanians!
He wanted to save 2 chatls!
Кyoo!

352
00:39:22,210 --> 00:39:24,860
Well, I have another one.

353
00:39:28,530 --> 00:39:31,430
As I understand it,
enough for a gravitsapa.

354
00:39:32,070 --> 00:39:34,310
Give it to me. Now.

355
00:39:34,310 --> 00:39:35,370
Why?

356
00:39:35,370 --> 00:39:37,500
To buy a gravitsapa, duh!

357
00:39:39,330 --> 00:39:40,800
Where?

358
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,350
There, in the Centre.

359
00:39:43,350 --> 00:39:50,760
How will you get us to Earth,
when you don't even know
in which galaxy she orbits?

360
00:39:51,410 --> 00:39:56,380
You bonehead! Any planetarium
in the Centre will give out
your planet number for 2 chatls!

361
00:39:57,540 --> 00:39:59,740
Give me the match, OK?

362
00:40:00,210 --> 00:40:02,390
Bah! So you could bury us
in the sand?!

363
00:40:02,390 --> 00:40:03,990
So you won't give it?

364
00:40:03,990 --> 00:40:05,110
No.

365
00:40:05,110 --> 00:40:07,700
Is that cruelly final?

366
00:40:07,700 --> 00:40:10,120
Most cruelly.

367
00:40:14,540 --> 00:40:17,680
Then goodbye, my friend.

368
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,400
They're going away,
Vladimir Nikolaevich.

369
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,950
Like hell!
They'll hang themselves
for a match!

370
00:40:37,150 --> 00:40:45,820
Either you give us the match now,
or we won't PUT you on Earth
for less than 7 boxes!

371
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,080
OK, 2 000.

372
00:40:53,610 --> 00:40:55,500
No! 3 000!

373
00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:57,560
Well, 2 300.

374
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,340
3 000, I say!

375
00:41:08,010 --> 00:41:10,490
2 500,
I can't give you more.

376
00:41:10,610 --> 00:41:13,030
Yes, you can, my friend.

377
00:41:13,210 --> 00:41:15,270
Mr Bee,

378
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:24,180
I have 50 roubles,
matches cost 2 kopecks per box,

379
00:41:24,180 --> 00:41:27,540
so I can buy 2 500,
it's maximum...

380
00:41:27,540 --> 00:41:31,790
Fiddler, don’t bullshit!
You have more Russian chatls.

381
00:41:35,970 --> 00:41:41,690
Mr Wef! Don’t call me Fiddler!
My name is Gedevan Alexandrovich!

382
00:41:50,380 --> 00:41:52,200
What's that, an engine?

383
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,570
Don't poke your nose
in every hole!

384
00:41:54,570 --> 00:41:56,810
...Gedevan Alexandrovich...

385
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:06,070
Gedevan, let's tie up these rogues
and take a course to the North.

386
00:42:06,660 --> 00:42:08,430
What for?

387
00:42:08,430 --> 00:42:11,270
What if the shores
of the Mediterranean are there?

388
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,410
Ha! Vladimir Nikolaevich,
are you nuts?

389
00:42:15,410 --> 00:42:21,880
Where did you get seas on Pluke?
Our seas have been made
into LUTZ long ago.

390
00:42:22,590 --> 00:42:25,780
Excuse me, into what?

391
00:42:25,780 --> 00:42:27,850
Into fuel, Fiddler. Into fuel...

392
00:42:30,740 --> 00:42:33,270
Now you owe us 6 140 boxes.

393
00:42:33,270 --> 00:42:35,690
Why so much?

394
00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:39,350
You ate kasha,
you drank water...
plus the bandura.

395
00:42:40,950 --> 00:42:44,950
No, cancel the bandura...
we don't want the bandura.
Put it back, Fiddler.

396
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:59,240
Uncle Vova, we need to bring back
a sample of technology. If not,
who will believe us?

397
00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:03,260
Well, give them the violin,
if you like that bandura so much.

398
00:43:05,380 --> 00:43:10,920
It's an 18th century Italian violin!
It’s worth 1000 roubles, if not more!

399
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,220
How would I ever pay it back?

400
00:43:15,580 --> 00:43:21,480
Fiddler, instead of thinking that
you're the first Georgian cosmonaut
and that you'd get a Nobel Prize,

401
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:29,390
give back the spoon
you stole from us poor artists.

402
00:43:30,870 --> 00:43:33,520
I wasn’t thinking anything
about cosmos or Nobel...
And I'm not a thief...

403
00:43:39,130 --> 00:43:43,850
I wanted to bring it to the
institute of non-ferrous metals,
it may prove something new...

404
00:43:44,970 --> 00:43:51,870
Heavens! The heavens never saw
such a disreputable Patsak
as you, Fiddler.

405
00:43:51,870 --> 00:43:54,820
I am deeply saddened.

406
00:44:00,070 --> 00:44:01,540
Where are you goin’?

407
00:44:01,540 --> 00:44:02,970
To the toilet.

408
00:44:02,970 --> 00:44:09,580
Money not allowed in the toilet!
Leave money here...
Gedevan Alexandrovich!

409
00:44:45,860 --> 00:44:48,170
Ketse is very expensive, my friend.

410
00:44:48,170 --> 00:44:50,400
- Why?
- Well now...

411
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:56,130
...on Earth, how do you determine
who should squat in front of whom
and how many times?

412
00:44:56,130 --> 00:44:58,970
Well, it's a guess-work.

413
00:44:59,500 --> 00:45:06,810
Barbarians!
Look man, I like you,
so I'll teach you.

414
00:45:06,980 --> 00:45:12,480
If I have a few ketse,
I have the right
to wear Yellow Pants.

415
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:18,840
So, Patsaks have to squat
in front of me
not once, but twice.

416
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:26,710
If I have a lot of ketse,
I have the right to wear
Crimson Pants.

417
00:45:26,710 --> 00:45:35,070
So, Patsaks have to squat in front
of me twice, and Chatlanians have
to koo to me!

418
00:45:35,070 --> 00:45:41,450
And an ecilop may not
beat me up at night!
Never!

419
00:45:43,510 --> 00:45:51,960
I have a proposition, my friend.
You give us the match now, and later
we'll bring you Yellow Pants, deal?

420
00:45:53,010 --> 00:45:55,660
Thanks, I already have a pair.
Fiddler maybe needs some...

421
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:59,620
Hey, Fiddler!
Aliens are peddlin' pants here!

422
00:46:00,450 --> 00:46:03,050
Yellow ones! Need any?

423
00:46:04,650 --> 00:46:06,340
There is no Fiddler, my friend.

424
00:46:06,340 --> 00:46:07,170
What?!

425
00:46:07,170 --> 00:46:08,710
I ejected him.

426
00:46:08,710 --> 00:46:14,970
But you needn't worry, V.N.
We have another catapult.
A new one.

427
00:46:14,970 --> 00:46:16,740
That old one
was broken anyway.
- I don't get it...

428
00:46:16,740 --> 00:46:20,160
I pressed the kappa
and he flew away.

429
00:46:20,570 --> 00:46:26,000
Fiddler isn't needed, my friend,
he's just a waste of fuel...

430
00:46:36,150 --> 00:46:38,570
Turn back!

431
00:46:38,570 --> 00:46:39,800
Impossible...

432
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,700
We’re out of lutz.
We need to fly
to the lutz station.

433
00:46:43,690 --> 00:46:47,770
Turn back!
Or I’ll burn this damned ketse!

434
00:46:49,780 --> 00:46:52,260
Gedevan!

435
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,980
Fiddler!

436
00:47:02,770 --> 00:47:04,950
Hey, Fiddler!

437
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,160
Where could he have gone?

438
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:21,810
You've been told.
The ecilops caught him.

439
00:47:22,460 --> 00:47:23,760
Well let's go, my friend.

440
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,540
You bastards!
You've really done it now!

441
00:47:30,030 --> 00:47:32,560
Call the ecilops on the radio!

442
00:47:33,150 --> 00:47:35,860
We have no radio.
We threw it away,
because of annoying Maydays!

443
00:47:36,450 --> 00:47:37,980
I’ll be back! I have to check!

444
00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:39,980
Ecilop!

445
00:47:48,730 --> 00:47:50,790
Put the tsak on, now!

446
00:47:52,690 --> 00:47:54,220
- Put the tsak on!
- Not on his life!

447
00:47:54,220 --> 00:47:56,050
Your ecilop will have
to do without!

448
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:12,800
Put it on, or he’ll tranklucate you!
You and the match!

449
00:49:07,210 --> 00:49:09,090
Hello. Listen, friend...

450
00:49:09,090 --> 00:49:12,580
...we lost a young lad around here,
did you see him?

451
00:49:14,820 --> 00:49:16,760
- Koo!
- What?

452
00:49:28,810 --> 00:49:33,580
Oh! Sorry, I forgot...
They said you picked him up.

453
00:50:13,540 --> 00:50:17,250
I told you Fiddler isn't needed!
But you weren’t listening!

454
00:50:17,250 --> 00:50:20,370
How will we buy lutz now?
How?!

455
00:50:26,270 --> 00:50:28,580
You're a damned bastard,
my friend...

456
00:50:28,580 --> 00:50:31,410
He's worse.
He's just a kyoo.

457
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:12,780
I have a proposition.
We find Fiddler, and then we’ll go
to the local government...

458
00:51:12,780 --> 00:51:15,130
Get me some sand, my friend...

459
00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:19,560
We tell to your governors
who we are, where we're from...

460
00:51:21,980 --> 00:51:30,300
They'll give us a gravitsapa,
and we'll organize
a mutually beneficial trade...

461
00:51:32,070 --> 00:51:36,900
Pluke to Earth: lots of yellow pants.
Earth to Pluke: as many ketse
as the Plukanians want.

462
00:51:37,550 --> 00:51:40,680
We ALREADY need a gravitsapa
to go to the government!

463
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,810
The governors live on another planet,
my friend.

464
00:52:29,420 --> 00:52:32,140
Uncle Vova! I'm here!

465
00:52:34,620 --> 00:52:36,330
I’m here!

466
00:52:51,190 --> 00:52:52,130
Fiddler!

467
00:52:52,130 --> 00:52:52,840
What?

468
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,210
Where is my thing...
what’s it called...?

469
00:52:55,210 --> 00:52:57,210
Tsak?

470
00:52:58,160 --> 00:52:59,750
Yeah. Where is it?

471
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:01,880
I have it.

472
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:02,940
So give it to me!

473
00:53:02,940 --> 00:53:03,990
Right here? Why?

474
00:53:03,990 --> 00:53:06,180
Well, just give it to me, I said!

475
00:53:09,900 --> 00:53:11,620
But there’s nobody here...

476
00:53:12,910 --> 00:53:14,090
Hey, that's mine.

477
00:53:14,090 --> 00:53:16,220
Alright, so keep it ready!

478
00:53:36,340 --> 00:53:38,400
Are you asleep?

479
00:53:39,180 --> 00:53:41,120
No.

480
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:43,290
Cheer up, Fiddler.

481
00:53:43,290 --> 00:53:46,830
If there is a gravitsapa
on Pluke, we'll get it.

482
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,210
It was happening to me
to get scarcer things...

483
00:53:54,500 --> 00:53:56,450
Ah! Quiet...

484
00:53:59,110 --> 00:54:01,590
- Hey! Missy! Wait! Wait!
- Koo?

485
00:54:02,890 --> 00:54:05,540
- Would you give us a lift
to the Centre?

486
00:54:05,540 --> 00:54:06,850
Patsak, stop.

487
00:54:06,850 --> 00:54:08,490
What?

488
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:13,750
Don't come any closer.
What do you want?

489
00:54:13,750 --> 00:54:15,520
Take us to the Centre!..

490
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,530
3 chatls.

491
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:21,350
No money!
But we'll work for it!

492
00:54:21,350 --> 00:54:23,250
And what can you do?

493
00:54:23,900 --> 00:54:26,200
Me? I can do everything!

494
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:27,080
Don’t brag! What exactly?

495
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:33,750
Vladimir Nikolaevich is a
builder site foreman!
He can build you a house!

496
00:54:33,750 --> 00:54:35,810
And what can YOU do?

497
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:37,750
Me?

498
00:54:38,300 --> 00:54:41,010
He can play violin!

499
00:54:42,130 --> 00:54:44,200
Play!

500
00:54:44,730 --> 00:54:45,900
Play.

501
00:54:45,900 --> 00:54:48,970
I can't!

502
00:54:48,970 --> 00:54:51,040
Bye, Patsaks.

503
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:55,350
Citizen! Wait! I can!

504
00:54:55,350 --> 00:54:57,350
Play!

505
00:54:57,350 --> 00:54:58,940
Here?

506
00:54:58,940 --> 00:55:01,130
Over there!

507
00:55:22,020 --> 00:55:25,490
Wait a minute, foreman...
I'll tune this up...

508
00:55:30,100 --> 00:55:32,340
Now, play.

509
00:55:35,420 --> 00:55:37,700
And sing.

510
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,440
Right, just a sec.

511
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:46,100
How does it go...

512
00:55:46,100 --> 00:55:51,400
(Mashkov sings: )
Mama, mama, what shall I do?..

513
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,700
Cool!

514
00:55:53,700 --> 00:55:54,950
What?

515
00:55:54,950 --> 00:55:56,600
I said, 'Cool!'

516
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:57,900
People like it.

517
00:55:57,900 --> 00:55:58,840
What?

518
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:00,850
PEOPLE LIKE IT!

519
00:56:21,370 --> 00:56:22,680
I can’t sing ‘wuuu’.
Let me be a drummer.

520
00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:23,330
- How’s that?
- Tam ta da da dam...

521
00:56:26,390 --> 00:56:28,220
Foreman!

522
00:56:28,630 --> 00:56:30,930
Fiddler isn't needed!

523
00:56:33,300 --> 00:56:37,370
It’s OK, he won’t be a bother.
Give us some water to drink,
will you?

524
00:56:37,370 --> 00:56:40,020
I said, after the performance.

525
00:56:40,020 --> 00:56:42,910
Miss, we could take it by force.

526
00:56:46,110 --> 00:56:48,830
Then you'd have to ask us.

527
00:56:48,830 --> 00:56:52,410
Oh! You touch me and an ecilop
will come right here and tear
your legs off.

528
00:56:52,410 --> 00:56:54,830
I don't give a damn
about your ecilop!

529
00:56:54,830 --> 00:56:57,960
Calm down, Fiddler.
Don't provoke the lady...

530
00:56:59,850 --> 00:57:02,090
Foreman!

531
00:57:13,190 --> 00:57:15,430
Look...
Wuu-wuu… Wuu-koo...

532
00:57:21,510 --> 00:57:23,990
Alright, I got it.

533
00:57:25,460 --> 00:57:30,120
Look, do you know anyone
with a gravitsapa and a pepelats?

534
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:31,650
Why?

535
00:57:31,650 --> 00:57:36,320
Well he could give us a lift to Earth,
and we'd give you both
a big crate of ketse...

536
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:42,160
I know that your people
don't trust words...
Well, read what I'm thinking...

537
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:48,360
That your wife is probably calling
all the city morgues.

538
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:51,600
No, what am I thinking exactly now?

539
00:57:52,190 --> 00:57:53,790
That you will really keep your promise.

540
00:57:53,790 --> 00:57:55,720
You see? It’s true.

541
00:57:57,140 --> 00:58:00,510
What idiot on Pluke thinks the truth?

542
00:58:01,690 --> 00:58:03,640
It's absurd!

543
00:58:04,170 --> 00:58:12,190
Precisely because you say what
you don't think and think what you
don't think, you do sit in cages.

544
00:58:12,190 --> 00:58:20,280
That’s the cause of all this bitter
cataclysm which I see here,
and V.N. sees too...

545
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:25,530
Patsaks have to perform in cages,
so come inside right now, you two!
Why put on lugs?

546
00:58:25,530 --> 00:58:28,430
Doesn't matter, my dear,
we will sing beside the cage.

547
00:58:28,430 --> 00:58:31,610
Get in! He saw us!
He’ll tranklucate us!

548
00:58:31,610 --> 00:58:33,200
We're not animals.

549
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:34,900
What???

550
00:58:36,550 --> 00:58:37,680
You SHALL come inside, I say!
You SHALL do it!

551
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:38,390
Hands off!

552
00:58:38,390 --> 00:58:39,160
You shall get in!

553
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:40,510
Stop it!

554
00:58:40,510 --> 00:58:42,160
Get in!

555
00:58:47,530 --> 00:58:50,190
Get in, or he’ll melt us down!

556
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:54,920
OK, get in Fiddler,
if she wants it that badly.

557
00:58:55,570 --> 00:58:57,570
Get in.

558
00:59:02,230 --> 00:59:06,540
One two three...

559
00:59:06,540 --> 00:59:08,310
Dance!

560
00:59:08,610 --> 00:59:09,490
Dance... Wuu, koo, wuu…

561
00:59:09,490 --> 00:59:12,970
I'll tell you what...
Go find another band...
nunky!

562
00:59:14,620 --> 00:59:16,400
What???

563
00:59:27,010 --> 00:59:29,020
Don’t move! I'll be back.

564
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:37,460
We've got to get out of here.
Boys, push the cart, it's uphill.

565
00:59:37,570 --> 00:59:40,290
The pleasure is ours...

566
00:59:47,430 --> 00:59:49,030
Accelerate!

567
00:59:49,030 --> 00:59:51,380
Bye, bastards!

568
01:00:11,090 --> 01:00:13,980
What??? Oooh...
I will tell everybody...

569
01:00:13,980 --> 01:00:19,940
...where this buffoon PJ
has led the planet!

570
01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:26,320
Patsaks are walking
all over Chatlanians!
Kyoo!

571
01:00:33,810 --> 01:00:37,120
Everything in place?

572
01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:39,540
She stole the cologne.

573
01:00:40,470 --> 01:00:42,250
Women!..

574
01:00:47,860 --> 01:00:52,760
Let me...
Hey! What do you
have in there... lead?

575
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,110
Let me, uncle Vova.

576
01:01:31,700 --> 01:01:35,650
I don't even know
which way to look.

577
01:01:35,650 --> 01:01:38,020
Where's the Earth?

578
01:01:54,650 --> 01:02:02,550
Galina Borisovna! Comrade Mashkov
and I, as Patsaks, could receive 2 chatls
for a performance - it's maximum.

579
01:02:02,550 --> 01:02:07,570
Water, lutz and bribes to
ecilops – at least 1 chatl a day.

580
01:02:07,570 --> 01:02:12,530
And a gravitsapa costs half a ketse!
That's 2 200 chatls!

581
01:02:12,530 --> 01:02:21,090
Divide by 365, minus weekends...
we get 6. And that's for those 6 years
when I had no way of returning!

582
01:02:21,910 --> 01:02:25,630
That's all very well,
Gedevan Alexandrovich,
but these are just words.

583
01:02:25,630 --> 01:02:32,130
Where is the proof, that you
arrived from the cosmos,
and not sold the violin...

584
01:02:32,130 --> 01:02:35,770
...and spent all that time
in a disco in Gagry?

585
01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:38,900
This is a Plukanian mineral.

586
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:41,920
This is a chatl.

587
01:02:43,390 --> 01:02:44,690
This is a tsak.

588
01:02:44,690 --> 01:02:52,060
A screwnut and a sample of sand
are appended...

589
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
...to the report I handed in
to the Dean’s secretary...

590
01:02:52,060 --> 01:02:53,250
...so that it could be sent
to UNESCO.
- Where?!

591
01:02:53,660 --> 01:02:55,250
- UNESCO.
- Look, Gedevan Alexandrovich...

592
01:02:57,490 --> 01:03:05,400
You had studied for half a term
and then disappeared for years!

593
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And now you're trying
to explain yourself...

594
01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:14,730
...with some pebble, some piece
of old Georgian ceramics, and
a fisher's bell!

595
01:03:14,740 --> 01:03:20,870
And you dare to insist...
By the way,
if you have musical talent,

596
01:03:20,870 --> 01:03:25,000
then why weren't you
in our students' orchestra?!

597
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:30,350
Excuse me, Fiddler,
but it’s an elementary koo!

1
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:04,800
KIN-DZA-DZA!
Part Two

2
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:11,300
Concise Chatlanian-Patsak Dictionary.

3
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:20,300
KETSE - Matches.
TSAK - Nose bell.

4
00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:29,300
ECIKH - Box for prisoners.
ECILOP - Policeman,
a representative of authority.

5
00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:41,300
PEPELATS - Spaceship.
GRAVITSAPA - Component
of Pepelats motor.

6
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:50,300
KYOO - Socially acceptable
swear-word.
KOO - All other words.

7
00:03:35,790 --> 00:03:37,200
Hi!

8
00:03:37,230 --> 00:03:38,570
Hello.

9
00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:40,980
Long time no see!

10
00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:42,640
Bye!

11
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,890
Hey! Hang on a sec!

12
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:48,620
I have a proposition!

13
00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:49,680
What?

14
00:03:49,710 --> 00:03:50,270
What now?

15
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,750
What do we think about you?

16
00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:59,320
Well? Read our minds.
Penetrate it!

17
00:04:02,930 --> 00:04:06,240
Why are you botherin' us?
Wha’d’you want?

18
00:04:06,270 --> 00:04:08,070
Have you no shame?

19
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:09,220
Have YOU?

20
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:12,630
We are poor, unfortunate,
hungry artists!

21
00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:14,990
Have we done you any wrong?

22
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:17,480
Why are you stalking us?

23
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,970
Give me your bandura
for a while...

24
00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:25,870
Tune it up...

25
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,150
Like this.

26
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:34,570
Come on.

27
00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:42,310
One two three.

28
00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:48,170
(singing: )
Mama, mama, what shall I do?
(Koo!)

29
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:54,620
Mama, mama, how will I live?
(Wuu!)

30
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:06,410
I have got no warmer winter coat,

31
00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:11,470
I have got no warmer winter vest.

32
00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:25,430
- Wuuuu...
- Shut up! You're tone deaf!

33
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:31,100
Mama, mama, what shall I do?
(Koo!)

34
00:05:31,930 --> 00:05:36,190
Mama, mama, how will I live?
(Wuu!)

35
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:55,350
Uncle Vova, let's go again!

36
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,510
They love it...

37
00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:58,900
They can appreciate it.

38
00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:00,790
One two...

39
00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:02,390
Ecilop!!!

40
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,120
Artists!
Where is our deathtrap?

41
00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:30,420
The pepelats?

42
00:06:30,450 --> 00:06:31,420
Yes.

43
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:32,960
Over there...

44
00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:35,120
We’re out of lutz.

45
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,870
Because of you, bastards.

46
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,530
Fiddler! What are you doing?
Hooligan!

47
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,310
Listen, leave me alone, OK?

48
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,260
My friend,

49
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,040
it's somebody's Last Breath,

50
00:06:49,050 --> 00:06:50,820
a grave...
You’re in a cemetery.

51
00:06:55,490 --> 00:06:57,170
Checkmate, Fiddler!

52
00:06:58,570 --> 00:07:00,280
And you call your level 'advanced'?

53
00:07:00,310 --> 00:07:01,470
He was just bragging!

54
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:02,550
It’s not fair!

55
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:03,910
You win by reading my brains.

56
00:07:03,950 --> 00:07:06,730
If you really had brains,
you'd be studying in MGIMO,

57
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,500
and not here pissin' everybody off.

58
00:07:08,530 --> 00:07:09,820
Want to play again?

59
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:13,590
You bet the violin, the case
and the tooth stick...

60
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:15,560
And this!

61
00:07:15,590 --> 00:07:17,450
OK?

62
00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:20,710
OK, Mr Bee!
You bet the bandura, visator...

63
00:07:20,750 --> 00:07:23,640
...and your Life Base, Mr Wef.

64
00:07:24,470 --> 00:07:25,380
Agreed.

65
00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:27,130
Begin!

66
00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:33,460
Uncle Vova...

67
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,730
You have to twist the tsapa.
The tsapa!

68
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,150
Here, you do it!

69
00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:40,190
I'm not allowed,
I'm a Chatlanian.

70
00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:42,330
Then, sod off!

71
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,230
When it comes to advising,
you're all Chatlanians!

72
00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:46,830
When it comes
to working, though...

73
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,420
Scholar's mate, Mr Bee!

74
00:07:48,460 --> 00:07:49,610
Not fair!

75
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,740
You purposely thought up
bad moves for me!

76
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,340
Use your own brain for the game!

77
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:55,730
How could he use his own brain?

78
00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:57,530
He's never seen these dolls before!

79
00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:58,770
Not my problem.

80
00:07:58,810 --> 00:07:59,840
Give me my winnings.

81
00:08:00,190 --> 00:08:01,490
Yeah right!
Not on your life!

82
00:08:02,020 --> 00:08:08,120
Wef, have you ever thought
that such a little Patsak could be
such a mercenary kyoo?

83
00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:12,260
Never.
I told you Fiddler isn't needed,
and here's the proof.

84
00:08:12,430 --> 00:08:13,560
Hey!

85
00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:15,560
Boss!..

86
00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:22,070
Done! And you say 'tsapa'...

87
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:33,010
Is it true nobody sings
in cages on the Earth?

88
00:08:34,140 --> 00:08:39,160
Mr Bee, on the Earth
we cage only animals.

89
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,060
Are animals Chatlanians?

90
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,910
I don't know.
But they look rather similar...

91
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:48,740
Is Nightingale a Patsak?

92
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:50,600
Why a Patsak?

93
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,300
You said he sings without a cage.

94
00:08:54,010 --> 00:08:55,840
Well then he's a Patsak.

95
00:08:56,140 --> 00:09:02,170
Ah! So you see, you have
the same unbridled racism
as here on Pluke.

96
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:05,480
Only Patsaks have taken power
on Earth, not Chatlanians.

97
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:10,090
Patsaks just like you
and your friend Nightingale!

98
00:09:51,430 --> 00:09:53,200
Let me...

99
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,380
Here. Four gulps.

100
00:10:34,420 --> 00:10:35,840
The water's for the youngster.

101
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,890
You owe us 6042 boxes now.

102
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,590
Fiddler, make a note.

103
00:10:43,830 --> 00:10:45,840
I already have.

104
00:10:58,260 --> 00:11:00,090
Want some?

105
00:11:01,690 --> 00:11:03,520
No.

106
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,300
For free.

107
00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:17,480
Hey!!

108
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,400
What are you doing?

109
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:25,340
And what about me?
About me?!
About me?!!

110
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:31,140
I’ll give 10 more boxes,
take some water for yourself...

111
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,200
Damned coriander!
Kindza-dza!

112
00:11:55,150 --> 00:11:56,230
A boat!

113
00:11:56,270 --> 00:11:59,940
It's not a boat.
It's a lutz station.

114
00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:01,260
So we can refuel!

115
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:05,020
No! This one's automatic.
But on the next one, there
must be a woman attendant.

116
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,740
If we perform, she'll give us
a discount, got it?

117
00:12:08,570 --> 00:12:10,600
Stop slacking, uncle Vova.

118
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,130
Come on, come on, my friend,
let’s fly... Come on...

119
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,400
If this had once been sea,
why aren’t there any shells?

120
00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:23,890
Do you still have seas on Earth?

121
00:12:24,070 --> 00:12:26,310
We have seas, and rivers,

122
00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:29,390
and honest people, Mr Wef.

123
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,360
Barbarians.
You make me want to cry.

124
00:12:34,950 --> 00:12:39,440
(singing: )
Mama, mama, what shall I do?
(Wuu! Tam ta da dam!)

125
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:46,720
Mama, mama, how will I live?

126
00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:52,160
I have got no warmer winter coat!
(Wuu! Tam ta da dam!)

127
00:12:54,580 --> 00:12:59,370
I have got no warmer winter vest!

128
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,280
It's a shame my boss
can't see me now...

129
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,940
He'd probably give me a raise.

130
00:13:05,970 --> 00:13:07,120
Keep quiet, Uncle Vova.

131
00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:09,250
The lady is watching us.

132
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,580
Kyoo!
They took away the woman
and put in a machine.

133
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,130
Well, buy as much as you can!

134
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,320
We'll fly at least part of the way!

135
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,460
You can't buy lutz in parts.

136
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,960
Lutz is 10 chatls per charge,
and we have only 7.

137
00:14:07,620 --> 00:14:09,690
How far is the Centre?

138
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,170
160 km.

139
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:15,480
Uncle Vova, Wef has
some more chatls.
In his right shoe.

140
00:14:25,420 --> 00:14:27,670
Hey, Chatlanian!

141
00:14:28,790 --> 00:14:30,150
What?

142
00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:33,050
Do us a favor,
take off your right boot.

143
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,050
- What for?
- Come on, koo, koo!

144
00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:00,430
You bastard! Kyoo!!

145
00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:08,940
All of you! Squat!

146
00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:11,900
Why?
They're not ecilops are they?

147
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,930
It's Mr PJ and his Patsak.

148
00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:15,890
If they find out
that you didn't squat,

149
00:15:15,930 --> 00:15:17,820
it's life-long ecikh with nails.

150
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:19,940
Who is PJ?

151
00:15:30,770 --> 00:15:32,200
Did you see that?

152
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,080
Yeah.
It's a hologram, my friend.

153
00:15:34,610 --> 00:15:36,210
- The violin!
- Koo-oo!!!

154
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,650
Quiet! Stand still!

155
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,360
Silence!

156
00:15:49,630 --> 00:15:51,580
You see this, eh?
And you said 'koo'...

157
00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:10,770
It's not a blimp, you bonehead!

158
00:16:10,810 --> 00:16:13,410
It's the Last Breath of Mr PJ.

159
00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:14,880
Rubbish.

160
00:16:15,870 --> 00:16:19,560
How could one person breathe
so much air just before he died?

161
00:16:19,910 --> 00:16:20,580
It’s absurd.

162
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:23,160
Don't blaspheme.
PJ is alive!

163
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,520
And I am happy.

164
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,010
I'm even happier!

165
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:07,690
Wuuu... Like this.

166
00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:10,300
Come on, get inside.

167
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,600
Plastic?

168
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:12,900
No.

169
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,460
Is there a normal entrance
to this supermarket?

170
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,580
To get in normally, we have
to pay in chatls, my friend.

171
00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:25,270
Hey, let's go!

172
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:26,350
Sod off, Patsak!

173
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,620
Fiddler! Patsaks go there!

174
00:19:26,430 --> 00:19:27,810
What are they doing?

175
00:19:27,850 --> 00:19:31,990
It’s the fourth pump of Mr PJ.

176
00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:34,080
I love PJ very much!

177
00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:36,130
I koo him even more!

178
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,440
And here they make water
out of lutz.

179
00:20:31,210 --> 00:20:32,900
What are they shouting?

180
00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:34,740
They’re selling.

181
00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:38,170
Selling what?

182
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:40,020
Everything.

183
00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:42,130
Let’s buy a gravitsapa!

184
00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:44,500
Gravitsapas are
in another department.

185
00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:47,570
We first need to find out
the tenture of the Earth.

186
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:56,620
- Yellow Pants... double koo!
- Koo! Koo! Koo-koo!

187
00:21:23,410 --> 00:21:26,540
Think!
What's the orbit diameter
of your planet?

188
00:21:30,210 --> 00:21:32,750
I don't remember...
Fiddler, do you know?

189
00:21:32,780 --> 00:21:35,060
No, Fiddler isn't needed!
You tell me!

190
00:21:35,890 --> 00:21:37,420
- Er... mm...
- OK, forget it.

191
00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:43,990
Tell me your planet’s
core density.
Think.

192
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,120
Density?
No, I can't remember...

193
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,070
Well, fine.

194
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:54,340
The names of the planets in your galaxy.
Which ones do you know?
Think.

195
00:21:56,290 --> 00:21:59,660
Jupiter, Mars, Venus…

196
00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:03,680
Where is my Divinating Crystal?!
It was right there!!!

197
00:22:03,710 --> 00:22:05,890
Fiddler! Put it back!

198
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,060
Sorry...
As it was laying there...

199
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,840
...I thought it was a useless
piece of glass...

200
00:22:12,260 --> 00:22:14,210
Stupid cow.

201
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,530
Enough. Stop rattling your brains,
you bonehead.

202
00:22:20,710 --> 00:22:23,790
Here's your planet number:
013 in the Tenture.

203
00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:25,860
On the left of Ursa Major.

204
00:22:26,750 --> 00:22:28,820
Do you want to talk with the Earth?
It'll cost you another chatl.

205
00:22:29,470 --> 00:22:30,190
Pardon... what??

206
00:22:30,230 --> 00:22:32,360
Think of your phone number!

207
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:37,270
And tell them about the matches.

208
00:22:48,690 --> 00:22:51,520
"...Hallo! Hallo!
Can you hear me?"

209
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,360
Come on, earthling,
speak into this device!

210
00:22:54,390 --> 00:22:55,840
Hallo!

211
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,330
"Hallo!
I'm listening, go ahead!"

212
00:23:00,510 --> 00:23:02,010
"Hallo!"

213
00:23:02,050 --> 00:23:03,470
Speak! Time is money!

214
00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:05,890
Hallo! Lucy!

215
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:06,800
"Vova!"

216
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,730
Can you hear me?
It's me!

217
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,330
"Vova, where are you?"

218
00:23:11,870 --> 00:23:13,960
Well, I'm here...
How are you?

219
00:23:14,230 --> 00:23:14,840
"Vova, you..."

220
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,090
How's Cyril?

221
00:23:16,130 --> 00:23:18,550
"Where are you, Vo...
Where are you, Vova?"

222
00:23:18,580 --> 00:23:20,340
I'm here, in some place,

223
00:23:20,380 --> 00:23:22,100
I'll explain everything later.

224
00:23:22,130 --> 00:23:24,230
How's mum feeling?

225
00:23:24,580 --> 00:23:26,140
Have you been to see her?

226
00:23:26,180 --> 00:23:30,320
"Yes I have been...
I asked you
where have YOU been!"

227
00:23:31,970 --> 00:23:37,360
Listen, wife of Patsak!
Stop pissin' about!
Go buy two big crates of ketse!

228
00:23:37,390 --> 00:23:38,660
Or we'll find for him some better...!

229
00:23:38,690 --> 00:23:41,850
Sod off, Wef!..
Lucy! Lucy...

230
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,700
Lucy. My dear...

231
00:23:47,350 --> 00:23:49,890
Lucy... Lucy!

232
00:23:50,370 --> 00:23:54,170
Take the phone, right now,
and call Victor Manokhin...

233
00:23:54,210 --> 00:23:57,760
...tell him that the keys
for the plumbing store
are in my office,

234
00:23:58,110 --> 00:24:00,540
under the thingy...
under the cabinet,
lying on the floor.

235
00:24:00,570 --> 00:24:02,190
Did you get all that?

236
00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:03,850
"Oh yes, I got it..."

237
00:24:06,690 --> 00:24:10,120
Would you like to dial Batumi?
3-47-57, please.

238
00:24:10,150 --> 00:24:12,370
Tell them to fetch Alik.

239
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:16,030
No way.
Get lost you bloody thief.

240
00:24:42,350 --> 00:24:44,480
- Weeh... eeh...
- Is something wrong?

241
00:24:48,090 --> 00:24:51,590
Everything’s fine,
but the Earth is rather far way.

242
00:24:51,630 --> 00:24:54,300
We'll have to warm up
for 7 minutes
instead of 5.

243
00:24:54,330 --> 00:24:57,190
So let's go and prepare
the tsapa for the gravitsapa.

244
00:24:58,020 --> 00:25:01,160
Astronauts!
Which one is the tsapa?

245
00:25:06,770 --> 00:25:08,960
Yeah! Everything is rusty here!

246
00:25:09,530 --> 00:25:11,740
And it's the most rusty one.

247
00:25:18,130 --> 00:25:20,200
What are you doing,
are you nuts?!

248
00:25:20,790 --> 00:25:27,350
Oh, mama-mama.
Lucy and Manokhin arrived, wow!..

249
00:25:35,570 --> 00:25:36,820
Uncle Vova!

250
00:25:38,470 --> 00:25:40,600
The match was in the cap!

251
00:25:41,670 --> 00:25:43,440
Strange...
Why would they leave?

252
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,100
Why strange?!
They've got a match
to buy a gravitsapa,

253
00:25:46,130 --> 00:25:48,100
and they know
the tenture of the Earth!

254
00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:54,440
Comrade ecilop! Comrade ecilop!

255
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,810
They stole from us!

256
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,880
Arrest them! Koo!

257
00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:05,850
Arrest them!

258
00:26:06,330 --> 00:26:07,880
40 chatls.

259
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,580
We've got no chatls.
Everything is with the tour guide.

260
00:26:10,610 --> 00:26:12,580
And the violin they have
isn't really theirs!

261
00:26:12,620 --> 00:26:14,550
And when they were
in front of a video of PJ,

262
00:26:14,580 --> 00:26:15,930
they didn't koo-koo!

263
00:26:15,970 --> 00:26:17,440
Why are you staring at me?

264
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:18,920
Why are you staring at me?

265
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:22,290
If your bosses find out
that you knew and did nothing,

266
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,840
you'll be bloody tranklucated!
Get it?

267
00:26:26,670 --> 00:26:28,230
I didn't do nothing!

268
00:26:28,270 --> 00:26:30,750
I pressed the kappa at once!

269
00:26:30,780 --> 00:26:32,750
Fiddler is a witness.

270
00:26:32,940 --> 00:26:34,020
All patrols!

271
00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:36,430
Bring a wheeled deathtrap here!
Koo!

272
00:26:40,690 --> 00:26:42,700
There's nothing in there.

273
00:26:42,810 --> 00:26:44,760
Open it.

274
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,720
Show me.

275
00:26:59,550 --> 00:27:01,320
It's vinegar.

276
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,320
That's none of your business.

277
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,490
The Patsak will be tranklucated.

278
00:27:17,530 --> 00:27:20,230
The Chatlanian gets ecikh for life...
with nails.

279
00:27:27,110 --> 00:27:31,190
Oh, brothers, brothers!
Fellow Patsaks!

280
00:27:31,540 --> 00:27:35,050
Tell them the truth
about my squats,

281
00:27:35,090 --> 00:27:39,470
about the Chatlanian
pressing the kappa!

282
00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:40,490
Shut up, you bastard!

283
00:27:40,530 --> 00:27:41,270
Uncle Vova, please...

284
00:27:41,300 --> 00:27:42,430
Shut up! Parasite!

285
00:27:42,460 --> 00:27:43,550
You shut up!

286
00:27:44,730 --> 00:27:47,980
Vova, my friend!
Gedevan Alexandrovich!

287
00:27:48,140 --> 00:27:49,420
Don't listen to him!

288
00:27:49,460 --> 00:27:51,470
Tell them it was him!

289
00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:53,190
He was the one
who didn't squat!
Not me!

290
00:27:53,220 --> 00:27:53,500
Bullshit!

291
00:27:53,540 --> 00:27:54,820
Tell them, and I'll give
the pepelats to you!

292
00:27:54,860 --> 00:27:58,510
Uncle Vova!
The pepelats is mine!
Mine!

293
00:27:58,540 --> 00:28:01,470
Quiet! Calm down!

294
00:28:02,470 --> 00:28:04,190
...Let me think.

295
00:28:05,310 --> 00:28:07,160
Yes, I remember now.
Nobody insulted any authority...

296
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,330
We all were squattin'
and squattin', like monkeys.

297
00:28:10,220 --> 00:28:11,990
You see, Your Honour?
I was wrong. Mixed up.

298
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,310
And it was ME who brought
the ketse here. Not them.

299
00:28:18,260 --> 00:28:19,680
What ketse?

300
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,460
The match you took from the cap.

301
00:28:23,050 --> 00:28:25,440
There was no ketse!
There was none!

302
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,400
Uncle Vova,
what's the matter with you?!
What are you saying?!

303
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,330
Sorry, I forgot.
There was no ketse.

304
00:28:32,630 --> 00:28:34,230
Never.

305
00:28:35,890 --> 00:28:38,840
Life imprisonment for both
in ecikh WITHOUT nails.

306
00:28:38,870 --> 00:28:40,460
Till bail payment.

307
00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:44,340
The bail is 500 chatls,
250 apiece.

308
00:28:45,410 --> 00:28:46,710
(Wef & Bee: )
Thank you!!

309
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,430
Patsak! Glue the violin
and sing the song!

310
00:28:50,670 --> 00:28:52,050
Fiddler! You work the bandura!
Tam ta da dam...

311
00:28:52,090 --> 00:28:56,170
Friends! That was a joke
with the match!
We just wanted to amuse you!

312
00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:00,310
See you!

313
00:29:01,260 --> 00:29:07,170
(Wef sings: ) On the river,
on the river, on yonder bank...
Mary was koo her beautiful wuu...

314
00:29:17,870 --> 00:29:19,940
(Gedevan's letter: )
"Hello, earthling!"

315
00:29:20,180 --> 00:29:24,140
"I knew, one day your explorations
would carry you to this planet."

316
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,410
"Greetings from
Vladimir Nikolaevich Mashkov..."

317
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,370
"...builder from Moscow..."

318
00:29:32,410 --> 00:29:35,320
"...and Gedevan Alexidze from Batumi."

319
00:29:36,150 --> 00:29:39,520
"We two were the first to set foot
onto this wretched sand..."

320
00:29:39,550 --> 00:29:41,000
"...in this backyard of the Universe."

321
00:29:41,070 --> 00:29:44,070
The glue I have is like water!

322
00:29:44,100 --> 00:29:45,890
Brother Patsak,
gimme more of your ruberoid
to glue this thing.

323
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
OK, tell him to give me
something more fot that.

324
00:29:59,090 --> 00:30:01,890
(Gedevan's letter: )
"Maybe at that time..."

325
00:30:01,930 --> 00:30:05,900
"...some people who knew me
are still alive."

326
00:30:06,550 --> 00:30:08,910
"Please tell them, that I didn't
steal a violin..."

327
00:30:08,940 --> 00:30:11,630
There! Good as new!

328
00:30:17,550 --> 00:30:19,560
There's a little bit left.

329
00:30:20,980 --> 00:30:23,520
Yeah, this sort of thing
can happen... sometimes.

330
00:30:36,940 --> 00:30:38,260
Is it nutritious?

331
00:30:38,300 --> 00:30:44,160
Earthlings! You shouldn't
have pressed it like that!
I could hardly find you.

332
00:30:44,190 --> 00:30:46,580
It's good that there is
a dial memory.

333
00:30:46,820 --> 00:30:48,950
Here's your sock back,
thank you.

334
00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:51,780
If you wish, I can return you
to the Earth.

335
00:30:51,820 --> 00:30:54,270
I found out your planet number
in the Tenture.

336
00:30:54,740 --> 00:30:59,060
But hurry!
One second here
is half a year there.

337
00:30:59,470 --> 00:31:00,860
Then I have a proposition...

338
00:31:00,890 --> 00:31:02,250
We transfer to the Earth now,

339
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:03,280
procure some matches,

340
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,800
shoot back here and sell them,

341
00:31:04,830 --> 00:31:06,890
bail out our friends.

342
00:31:06,930 --> 00:31:08,610
Then we go to Moscow,
and you go home.

343
00:31:08,650 --> 00:31:10,300
I can't do that.
I only have 3 charges.

344
00:31:10,330 --> 00:31:11,740
Well that's OK.

345
00:31:11,780 --> 00:31:15,620
Enough to go there,
here and back again.

346
00:31:15,650 --> 00:31:17,510
And what about me?

347
00:31:18,580 --> 00:31:19,940
Listen, friend...

348
00:31:29,690 --> 00:31:31,070
- No need to listening!
Make up your mind!
Yes or no?

349
00:31:31,110 --> 00:31:33,650
I’m counting to three...
One... Two...

350
00:31:33,690 --> 00:31:35,680
Wait a minute.
Try to understand me.

351
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,680
It's my fault they are in prison.

352
00:31:38,210 --> 00:31:41,170
Ha! And my little son
has a beard like this by now!

353
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,060
Two and a half!

354
00:31:43,090 --> 00:31:44,790
Earthling! Last chance!
Two and a half!

355
00:31:44,830 --> 00:31:46,490
I... I can't do this.

356
00:31:47,910 --> 00:31:49,450
Three.

357
00:32:07,310 --> 00:32:09,140
Oh! Who needs all this stuff?!

358
00:32:09,790 --> 00:32:13,520
Tsak-schmak! All this crap!
We’ll never...

359
00:32:24,990 --> 00:32:27,290
Where did you get this from?
Huh?

360
00:32:29,420 --> 00:32:31,670
It was just laying around,
in the planetarium, on a shelf...

361
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:36,340
Dear Fiddler!
You kleptomaniac!

362
00:32:36,930 --> 00:32:38,770
It seems like you swiped...
a gravitsapa for us!

363
00:33:26,910 --> 00:33:28,920
Patsaks! Patsaks!

364
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,470
Why are you singing here
on your feet?

365
00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:34,480
You’re allowed to sing on your feet
only over there. Not here.

366
00:33:35,420 --> 00:33:37,550
But the ecilop didn’t
let us sing there!

367
00:33:37,910 --> 00:33:40,040
Not my problem. If you sing here,
you may only kneel.

368
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,110
Doesn’t matter...
we’ll stand a while.

369
00:33:43,140 --> 00:33:45,180
You've still got to pay us.

370
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,440
Alright, Patsak, come on...

371
00:33:53,580 --> 00:33:55,590
Be good. Behave yourself.

372
00:34:32,140 --> 00:34:37,040
“Strangers in the koo…”
Uncle Vova, your coat is coming,
wearing my hat.

373
00:34:38,290 --> 00:34:39,760
Hi!

374
00:34:41,660 --> 00:34:43,310
How are things?

375
00:34:46,030 --> 00:34:49,400
What’s new... on Pluke?

376
00:34:53,540 --> 00:34:55,440
Sing!

377
00:34:59,810 --> 00:35:01,820
We seem to be
in bad voice today.

378
00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:05,020
Sing!

379
00:36:12,550 --> 00:36:16,630
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
I can't stand this any longer...

380
00:36:16,870 --> 00:36:18,820
Easy, Fiddler.

381
00:36:21,310 --> 00:36:22,900
How much is this?

382
00:36:22,930 --> 00:36:24,340
One hundred.

383
00:36:24,380 --> 00:36:26,510
Seems like we've sung enough.

384
00:36:28,580 --> 00:36:30,000
How much is this one?

385
00:36:30,030 --> 00:36:31,770
50.

386
00:36:36,500 --> 00:36:38,400
Ecilop!

387
00:36:47,210 --> 00:36:48,980
Patsaks!

388
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,580
Why aren't you wearing muzzles?

389
00:36:52,410 --> 00:36:53,830
Turn around!

390
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:59,450
New orders from Mr PJ!
All Patsaks must now
wear muzzles...

391
00:37:00,340 --> 00:37:01,950
...and be glad.

392
00:37:01,990 --> 00:37:05,900
So, this is for me,
and this is for you.

393
00:37:07,490 --> 00:37:09,340
And this is for you.

394
00:37:09,380 --> 00:37:13,230
Why aren't you glad?
Answer me!

395
00:37:17,010 --> 00:37:19,670
Dare to point your gun,
Chatlanian!

396
00:37:24,050 --> 00:37:25,350
Put the muzzle on! Now!

397
00:37:25,380 --> 00:37:27,110
Yes, sir.

398
00:37:27,150 --> 00:37:28,840
- And be glad!
- I’m glad. Ho ho.

399
00:37:30,970 --> 00:37:33,450
Oh look, PJ is here!

400
00:37:34,580 --> 00:37:35,460
Where?

401
00:37:41,140 --> 00:37:42,920
Aaah...
- Get up!

402
00:37:44,870 --> 00:37:46,520
Get up!

403
00:37:47,590 --> 00:37:49,300
Open your mouth!

404
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,370
Open it wider!

405
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,630
Fiddler, a gag!

406
00:37:57,050 --> 00:37:58,880
Quick!

407
00:38:02,670 --> 00:38:04,740
These people...
Turn around!

408
00:38:06,630 --> 00:38:08,110
Nose!

409
00:38:10,420 --> 00:38:12,500
Give me the money back!

410
00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:16,920
OK, hold these... like that!

411
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:21,590
Take this off!

412
00:38:24,310 --> 00:38:27,060
If you think it’s not
a friggin’ tranklucator,

413
00:38:27,090 --> 00:38:29,810
it'll be the last thought
in your Chatlanian head!

414
00:38:30,580 --> 00:38:33,950
Use the shortest route!
To the ecikh... march!

415
00:38:34,900 --> 00:38:37,560
Everybody down!
For half an hour!

416
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:44,060
Move!

417
00:38:44,100 --> 00:38:45,370
Move!

418
00:38:46,250 --> 00:38:47,910
Faster!

419
00:38:57,670 --> 00:38:59,560
Excuse me, granny...
- Kyoo!

420
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,210
That was... mama of Mr PJ...

421
00:39:38,180 --> 00:39:40,360
Is it a video of PJ?

422
00:39:40,720 --> 00:39:42,730
No sir... HIMSELF!

423
00:39:44,030 --> 00:39:47,110
Everyone get in the slop… now!

424
00:39:58,820 --> 00:40:00,770
Koo! Open the door!

425
00:40:03,550 --> 00:40:07,390
Stay there for 24 hours!
Koo, or not koo?!
- Koo...

426
00:40:33,940 --> 00:40:35,720
Here it is...

427
00:40:41,690 --> 00:40:42,990
Which number?

428
00:40:43,020 --> 00:40:44,290
The last one.

429
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:12,980
Hello...

430
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,240
- Hey, Chatlanian! Sing!
- Wuu...

431
00:41:19,420 --> 00:41:21,730
Fiddler, stop it.

432
00:41:24,090 --> 00:41:26,400
Wheel out the last but one.

433
00:41:37,700 --> 00:41:39,530
- Kyoo!
- Scat!

434
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,510
Hello, Gedevan Alexandrovich.

435
00:41:58,390 --> 00:41:59,690
Gamardzhoba!
(‘Hi!’ in Georgian)

436
00:42:01,820 --> 00:42:03,780
Get out of the ecikh.

437
00:42:05,490 --> 00:42:06,870
No way.

438
00:42:06,910 --> 00:42:08,620
They'll catch us again.

439
00:42:13,590 --> 00:42:15,370
Hey! We have a gravitsapa.

440
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:20,870
- Koo!
- Koo, uncle Vova!

441
00:42:38,430 --> 00:42:40,320
Well, koo...
Cut it.

442
00:42:41,620 --> 00:42:43,100
Right here.

443
00:42:50,730 --> 00:42:52,860
All together now!

444
00:43:02,260 --> 00:43:05,570
Uncle Vova!
Help me roll the ecikh out!

445
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,410
Leave it!

446
00:43:08,830 --> 00:43:10,440
Vladimir Nikolaevich!
Humankind worked hard
for thousands of years...

447
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:14,450
...just to get a single stone
from the moon!

448
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,640
And here we have a real alien,
and an ecikh...

449
00:43:17,670 --> 00:43:19,950
…made of unknown metal!

450
00:43:20,950 --> 00:43:23,320
I said, leave it!

451
00:43:42,710 --> 00:43:44,090
Tsapa.

452
00:43:44,130 --> 00:43:46,130
Yes sir! Tsapa!

453
00:43:47,390 --> 00:43:49,100
Tsapa!!!
Twirl the tsapa!

454
00:43:49,130 --> 00:43:51,100
I did!

455
00:43:55,250 --> 00:43:56,460
Koo!
Are we flying?

456
00:43:56,500 --> 00:43:57,640
She’s warming up!

457
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:01,340
Brothers! Be quick!
Soon, they will come
to their senses!

458
00:44:01,370 --> 00:44:03,060
Don't interfere.

459
00:44:24,940 --> 00:44:26,770
She's landed.

460
00:44:27,130 --> 00:44:29,080
Landed where?

461
00:44:31,090 --> 00:44:32,920
Hanoud.

462
00:44:34,340 --> 00:44:36,310
And what's Hanoud?

463
00:44:36,350 --> 00:44:38,780
The planet where I was born.

464
00:44:38,810 --> 00:44:40,140
And so was I.

465
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:43,760
It’s night.

466
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,050
Now it's always night here.

467
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:47,530
Time to put this on.

468
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:48,260
What for?

469
00:44:48,300 --> 00:44:50,550
There's no bloody air here.

470
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:52,990
But how do they live here?

471
00:44:53,030 --> 00:44:55,450
Nobody's lived here for years.

472
00:44:56,050 --> 00:45:01,070
The Plukanians completely
tranklucated Hanoud
while we were on tour.

473
00:45:01,100 --> 00:45:02,390
Why?

474
00:45:02,430 --> 00:45:04,560
Because we didn't have time
to do them first.

475
00:45:04,590 --> 00:45:06,520
And why did you want
to do them?

476
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,880
So they’d stop hanging
over our heads.

477
00:45:10,180 --> 00:45:11,180
Oh! Did everybody perish?

478
00:45:11,210 --> 00:45:12,780
Of course.

479
00:45:13,850 --> 00:45:16,090
Vova, I've a proposition.

480
00:45:16,510 --> 00:45:18,930
This planet, Hanoud,
now costs kopecks.

481
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:20,310
63 chatls.

482
00:45:20,350 --> 00:45:22,890
We’ll tour the galaxy for a month
singing ‘Mama, Mama’…

483
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,850
…and the planet is ours!

484
00:45:24,890 --> 00:45:27,090
Another month –
and we’ll be able to buy air.

485
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:29,050
93 chatls.

486
00:45:29,090 --> 00:45:32,470
People lacking air
will rush straight here…

487
00:45:32,500 --> 00:45:34,030
The air belongs to us!
You see?

488
00:45:34,070 --> 00:45:37,380
They'll crawl before us,
and we'll spit on them.

489
00:45:37,410 --> 00:45:39,080
What for?

490
00:45:39,110 --> 00:45:40,700
For fun!

491
00:45:40,740 --> 00:45:42,740
Where's the fun in that?

492
00:45:43,770 --> 00:45:45,150
Too young to understand!

493
00:45:45,190 --> 00:45:49,210
Half of the planet could be yours,
the other half ours. OK?

494
00:45:50,980 --> 00:45:53,170
Oh yeah,
this is very tempting...

495
00:45:54,590 --> 00:45:56,900
…but we need to go back
to Earth, guys.

496
00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:00,680
Let’s move! The supermarket
closes in half an hour.

497
00:46:04,530 --> 00:46:07,070
Vova, quit messin’ around...

498
00:46:10,090 --> 00:46:12,220
Just look.

499
00:46:14,990 --> 00:46:16,590
We're here.

500
00:46:17,300 --> 00:46:18,900
Earth is there.

501
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:20,900
And there's Alpha.

502
00:46:21,150 --> 00:46:24,280
On Alpha they turn us
into cactuses.

503
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,940
Earth is in the Anti-Tenture,
my friend.

504
00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:30,780
And there's no way
that we can reach it,
got it?

505
00:46:31,790 --> 00:46:33,050
What?!

506
00:46:33,090 --> 00:46:36,700
That’s how it is.
I've had bad luck all my life.

507
00:46:37,230 --> 00:46:40,480
A pepelats can’t get to Earth!

508
00:46:40,510 --> 00:46:42,260
So, Vova, quit arguin'!

509
00:46:42,290 --> 00:46:43,870
Right?!

510
00:46:43,910 --> 00:46:46,100
Let's go and decide
how we will divide the planet.

511
00:46:56,860 --> 00:46:59,590
Did you learn about this
in the planetarium?

512
00:46:59,620 --> 00:47:01,590
Yes, my friend.

513
00:47:01,890 --> 00:47:04,140
That’s why you stole the match?

514
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:06,700
Of course.

515
00:47:06,740 --> 00:47:09,280
They're lying, Uncle Vova.

516
00:47:10,820 --> 00:47:12,650
Don't believe them.

517
00:47:14,370 --> 00:47:17,680
Get us to Earth, that's all!

518
00:47:18,450 --> 00:47:21,290
No, Gedevan, they're not lying.

519
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:27,260
They'd crawl across the whole universe
for a chance to get some matches...

520
00:47:44,650 --> 00:47:48,110
Vova!
You shouldn't joke like that...

521
00:47:48,140 --> 00:47:51,570
This air has only 2% oxygen
of normal.

522
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:57,570
Gedevan... Don't do this.

523
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:00,940
You're so young. Live!

524
00:49:00,970 --> 00:49:03,720
Maybe things will change...

525
00:49:04,430 --> 00:49:09,390
Fiddler isn't needed, Uncle Vova.

526
00:49:23,590 --> 00:49:26,430
Hey, Patsak!

527
00:49:31,750 --> 00:49:35,120
You’re going to croak anyway...

528
00:49:35,830 --> 00:49:38,450
Tell me the truth for once
in your life.
Why didn't you go home...

529
00:49:38,490 --> 00:49:42,040
...with that transferring jerk
while you could?

530
00:49:43,990 --> 00:49:45,650
What did you want?

531
00:49:47,300 --> 00:49:52,510
Crimson Pants?
PJ's bathhouse?
Tell me!

532
00:50:00,130 --> 00:50:04,330
Gedevan-niko, shvilo
‘my son’ in Georgian)...
Vova doesn’t confess...

533
00:50:04,750 --> 00:50:06,050
You probably know his reasons...
Tell me please!!
You can trust me.

534
00:50:07,590 --> 00:50:10,600
We’re of the same blood.
I have a Georgian mother.
Had.

535
00:50:10,650 --> 00:50:21,020
(Wef & Gedevan
both speak Georgian)

536
00:50:21,250 --> 00:50:26,060
Нe says his mother
is a local Georgian.
Was.

537
00:50:26,100 --> 00:50:31,060
Wef! I don’t care!
I’ll koo them to Alpha!

538
00:50:33,780 --> 00:50:36,740
- What?! Kyoo...
- And you, lousy Chatlanian,
put on the tsak!

539
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:39,760
And SIT DOWN when you talk
to a Patsak!

540
00:50:39,790 --> 00:50:42,600
Hanoud is a Patsak planet,
my friend!

541
00:50:45,970 --> 00:50:47,500
...Say it again, Vova.

542
00:50:48,510 --> 00:50:54,840
OK, OK. You will eject us
on Alpha, and try to brake
in its orbit, and then...

543
00:50:54,870 --> 00:50:56,140
Like hell! You won't be able
to brake there!

544
00:50:56,170 --> 00:50:58,330
Don't interrupt...

545
00:51:00,220 --> 00:51:01,700
Go on, my friend.

546
00:51:02,530 --> 00:51:06,450
Grr... On Alpha, while they
transfer us to the Earth,

547
00:51:06,490 --> 00:51:09,800
we must hold on to the bottom
of the transfer machine...

548
00:51:09,830 --> 00:51:11,800
...and the gadget will transfer
with us, in our hands.

549
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:16,840
On Earth we'll buy you
4 big crates of matches.

550
00:51:18,910 --> 00:51:20,440
Go on, my friend.

551
00:51:20,980 --> 00:51:23,460
OK, may I stop
repeating this litany?
I’ll do all that, I promise.

552
00:51:24,110 --> 00:51:24,910
Now, let's go!

553
00:51:24,940 --> 00:51:25,670
If we're still going to...

554
00:51:25,710 --> 00:51:28,370
Because of you I'll be a cactus
in a pot forever!

555
00:51:32,150 --> 00:51:35,290
And you don’t even want repeat
such a nice thing once again,
don't you?!

556
00:51:39,130 --> 00:51:41,730
Oh shit… Brothers!
My dear, good friends...

557
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:44,330
Let's fly, it's really time!
Or at least close this door...

558
00:51:46,110 --> 00:51:48,360
I can't stand the sight of you
any longer,

559
00:51:49,300 --> 00:51:51,260
it makes me sick.

560
00:51:56,700 --> 00:51:58,120
Farewell, my friend.

561
00:52:05,630 --> 00:52:06,630
...And we’re flying.

562
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:12,390
Brake! Brake! Brake!

563
00:52:12,430 --> 00:52:16,390
How can I brake?!
You’ve drunk all our brake fluid!

564
00:52:16,420 --> 00:52:18,390
Alcoholic!

565
00:52:18,700 --> 00:52:20,410
Poor old man, he’s poisoned now.

566
00:52:21,060 --> 00:52:22,540
Turn off your antlers!

567
00:52:22,570 --> 00:52:24,010
They can’t be turned off.

568
00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:25,660
Take them off then!

569
00:52:25,690 --> 00:52:27,270
No! They're fragile.

570
00:52:29,100 --> 00:52:31,060
I think we’ve landed.

571
00:52:35,140 --> 00:52:35,850
That’s how it was the last time.

572
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:36,560
Aha...
Put on your gas mask.

573
00:52:36,730 --> 00:52:37,640
What about tsak?

574
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:39,680
No, they’ll have to do without.

575
00:52:45,070 --> 00:52:47,020
Earth!

576
00:53:10,740 --> 00:53:16,650
(Wef sings: )
On the river, on the river,
on yonder bank...

577
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:24,580
No... this isn’t Earth.

578
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:31,320
Hello!

579
00:53:33,030 --> 00:53:35,520
We're Patsaks
from the planet Earth.

580
00:53:35,550 --> 00:53:37,070
And you?

581
00:53:37,110 --> 00:53:39,070
This is the planet Alpha.

582
00:53:39,110 --> 00:53:41,800
Report your co-ordinates
to Ms Dekont,

583
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:44,090
and she will transfer you
to your starting point.

584
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,220
Have a nice day.

585
00:53:48,290 --> 00:53:50,830
Your planet number,
if you'd be so good.

586
00:53:51,540 --> 00:53:54,030
013 in the Tenture.

587
00:53:57,750 --> 00:53:59,490
It’s somewhere here...

588
00:53:59,530 --> 00:54:00,890
Er... about this sector...

589
00:54:00,920 --> 00:54:01,670
There.

590
00:54:01,710 --> 00:54:03,670
To the left of Ursa Major.

591
00:54:03,710 --> 00:54:07,630
This is not necessary.
Would you please,
hold your hands.

592
00:54:07,660 --> 00:54:10,640
Young lady, what are you
going to do with these?

593
00:54:10,670 --> 00:54:12,710
They will be placed
into the additional room
of the 1st Greenhouse.

594
00:54:12,740 --> 00:54:13,650
Earthlings, would you please...

595
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:14,510
Miss...

596
00:54:14,550 --> 00:54:15,390
...hold your hands!

597
00:54:15,430 --> 00:54:17,860
Do you really turn people
into cacti?

598
00:54:17,890 --> 00:54:18,940
Only Plukanians.

599
00:54:18,980 --> 00:54:20,980
Oh, but they're not Plukanians.
They're Hanoudians.

600
00:54:21,170 --> 00:54:25,780
This is irrelevant.
Please put on your breathing masks.

601
00:54:26,490 --> 00:54:28,980
Why? You have nice air.

602
00:54:29,010 --> 00:54:30,650
That is precisely why.

603
00:54:30,690 --> 00:54:32,250
Bah! For cryin' out loud!

604
00:54:32,290 --> 00:54:35,250
OK, Gedevan.
Calm down. Put it on.

605
00:54:37,970 --> 00:54:39,860
In the name of our planet,

606
00:54:42,220 --> 00:54:44,470
I'm asking you to let them go.

607
00:54:48,980 --> 00:54:52,100
Who decides their fate?

608
00:54:52,130 --> 00:54:54,760
Abradox. But...

609
00:54:56,420 --> 00:54:57,800
Take us to him.

610
00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:02,510
Otherwise I'll take off my mask
and start breathing.

611
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:10,200
You shouldn't worry.
Our greenhouses are
very comfortable.

612
00:55:11,020 --> 00:55:13,450
Blossoming... micro-climate...
serenity.

613
00:55:13,980 --> 00:55:16,050
One should envy them.

614
00:55:16,940 --> 00:55:20,010
Then my dear,
why do you frolic around,
here on the grass...

615
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:21,810
...instead of sitting there
in a plant pot?

616
00:55:21,850 --> 00:55:23,640
Please watch your step.

617
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:25,680
You've already squashed
three plants.

618
00:55:25,930 --> 00:55:27,470
Friend!

619
00:55:28,650 --> 00:55:30,420
We want to ask you something...

620
00:55:30,450 --> 00:55:33,970
No need to continue. NO.

621
00:55:34,500 --> 00:55:39,880
Our proximity to the
Kin-Dza-Dza galaxy
is our greatest problem.

622
00:55:39,910 --> 00:55:42,490
These people are plagued
by yearnings and desires...

623
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:44,380
Vile desires!

624
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:50,650
To continue their lives
in the form of plants
would be a blessing for them.

625
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:52,600
And for everyone else.

626
00:55:53,130 --> 00:55:58,280
Can we send for them and
ask them what would be
a blessing for them and what not?

627
00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:04,370
Well if we were to give them
the possibility to make
any DECISIONS, then...

628
00:56:05,730 --> 00:56:08,680
Hey, girlie! Are you Alphians
the most wise apples here?!

629
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:13,360
Somebody told you that,
or was it your own guess, eh?

630
00:56:13,390 --> 00:56:15,660
Stop it please.
Let’s not waste time.

631
00:56:16,310 --> 00:56:19,410
You are creatures
from the Anti-Tenture,

632
00:56:19,450 --> 00:56:25,720
That means I have an obligation
to transfer you to your starting point.

633
00:56:26,070 --> 00:56:31,690
Or to send you back in time,
to the moment when you made
your fateful decision.

634
00:56:32,340 --> 00:56:34,050
Choose.

635
00:56:34,290 --> 00:56:37,130
Pardon? I didn’t get it.
To what time?

636
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:40,090
I can send you to the past...
back to Pluke.

637
00:56:52,210 --> 00:56:57,710
Friend, I have a proposition:
you transfer one man on Earth...

638
00:56:58,710 --> 00:56:59,710
...and you return another man
to the past…

639
00:56:59,960 --> 00:57:05,520
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
I won't allow you on Pluke alone.

640
00:57:09,720 --> 00:57:13,090
Listen, nunky, set it for the past.

641
00:57:24,140 --> 00:57:27,160
How long was I glueing the violin?
About 50 minutes?

642
00:57:28,050 --> 00:57:29,820
About 50.

643
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:37,210
Brother Patsak...
A guy with a sock will be here soon.

644
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:39,280
Tell him to meet us at the ecikh.

645
00:57:39,310 --> 00:57:40,230
Do you know where it is?

646
00:57:40,260 --> 00:57:41,430
Heck yeah.

647
00:57:41,470 --> 00:57:43,150
So, stay here to show him the way.

648
00:57:43,190 --> 00:57:45,430
OK, tell him to give me
something more for that.

649
00:57:45,460 --> 00:57:47,860
Everybody rests!
For half an hour!

650
00:57:51,410 --> 00:57:53,300
Thank you, my friends.

651
00:58:08,910 --> 00:58:11,160
Play, play, nasty boys.

652
00:58:23,460 --> 00:58:26,000
Fiddler! We don't have time!

653
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,140
You haven't transferred again,
you bastards.

654
00:58:30,170 --> 00:58:31,640
Yeah. Get out of the ecikh.

655
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:35,700
Like hell! It's better here
than on Alpha.

656
00:58:35,730 --> 00:58:38,070
Come on, drag them out.

657
00:58:44,870 --> 00:58:47,770
Hey, we'll get a transfer machine
in a minute!

658
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:53,380
Vladimir Nikolaevich!
You owe us 11 000 matchboxes,
as Fiddler has noted!

659
00:58:53,410 --> 00:58:55,450
11 020.

660
00:58:55,630 --> 00:59:01,010
I have a proposition, Vova.
We'll transfer together
right into the supermarket,

661
00:59:01,250 --> 00:59:03,040
and after we buy everything...

662
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:06,570
There is no 'after'.
We’re only going to Earth.

663
00:59:08,940 --> 00:59:10,360
Forever?

664
00:59:11,420 --> 00:59:13,260
Forever.

665
00:59:14,140 --> 00:59:18,700
Me on a planet where they don't
even know who has to squat
in front of whom?

666
00:59:18,870 --> 00:59:20,840
Rubbish.
Give me the gravitsapa
and do what you want.

667
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:24,140
Uncle Wef. Uncle Bee.
You'll be so welcome there...

668
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:29,220
No, Gedevan! When a society
has no colored pants
to differentiate class...

669
00:59:29,250 --> 00:59:32,080
...it’s a society without purpose.
And without a purpose...

670
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:35,020
Brothers. Enough with
the philosophy.

671
00:59:35,310 --> 00:59:37,210
The Transfer Machine Man
will appear right now.
Make up your mind.

672
00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:39,000
Are you going with us?
Or not?

673
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:40,990
Just give us the gravitsapa!
Right?!

674
00:59:44,420 --> 00:59:46,020
Give it to them.

675
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:50,810
You’re wrong.

676
00:59:59,800 --> 01:00:03,400
Well, let's say goodbye...

677
01:00:08,900 --> 01:00:11,090
I got used to you, you know.

678
01:00:12,930 --> 01:00:14,400
Me too.

679
01:00:32,970 --> 01:00:35,520
Well, take care.

680
01:00:36,050 --> 01:00:39,890
Friends, Patsaks!

681
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:45,450
Here's your sock back,
thank you. If you wish...

682
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:48,760
Friend!
What system is your gadget?

683
01:00:50,060 --> 01:00:52,310
Might I have a look?

684
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:56,810
Regular system.
You press a button and you’re home.

685
01:01:13,660 --> 01:01:14,730
Hi

686
01:01:15,020 --> 01:01:17,460
Hi - what's new?

687
01:01:17,500 --> 01:01:20,400
Manokhin's had pipes burst
at his building site.

688
01:01:56,830 --> 01:01:58,610
How's our A-student?

689
01:01:58,640 --> 01:01:59,860
He's out playing...

690
01:01:59,880 --> 01:02:02,860
Vova, I forgot to buy bread.
Could you...?

691
01:02:04,870 --> 01:02:07,180
And get some macaroni, OK?

692
01:02:24,860 --> 01:02:26,240
Comrade...

693
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:28,230
How could I get to
the Old Arbat street?

694
01:02:28,260 --> 01:02:29,770
Turn right over there.

695
01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:31,430
Thank you.

696
01:02:51,580 --> 01:02:53,600
Koo!!

697
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:56,090
...Fiddler?

698
01:02:59,810 --> 01:03:02,120
Uncle Vova?

699
01:03:08,030 --> 01:03:09,870
...Fiddler!

700
01:03:12,290 --> 01:03:14,420
Uncle Vova!

701
01:03:15,710 --> 01:03:20,100
(Wef and Bee are singing: )
Koo... Wuu...
Mama, mama, what shall I do?

702
01:03:20,220 --> 01:03:24,460
The End

703
01:03:24,500 --> 01:03:27,820
Special Guest Star
Nina RUSLANOVA
as Galina Borisovna

704
01:03:27,860 --> 01:03:29,460
THE PLUKANIANS:

705
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:33,500
Ecilop on patrol: Valentin BUKIN
The Yellow Pants: V. FYODOROV
Charg (Brother Patsak): G. IVANOV

706
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:36,600
White Sectarian: Olesia IVANOVA
Black Sectarian: L. SOLODENKO
Bearded Sectarian: Y.VORONKOV

707
01:03:36,700 --> 01:03:38,700
Colossal Chatlanian Woman
Alexandra DOROKHINA

708
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:41,300
Mr PJ, the Plukanian ruler:
Nikolai GARO

709
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:42,910
Mr PJ's Personal Patsak:
Igor BOGOLYUBOV

710
01:03:43,010 --> 01:03:46,520
The Judge: Gennadi MATVEYEV
Secret Agent: Gennadi YALOVICH
Officer Tooik: Igor KAHN

711
01:03:46,620 --> 01:03:48,730
Mama of Mr PJ: Nina TER-OSIPIAN
Mr PJ's Guard #1: V. GOLUBENKO
Mr PJ's Guard #2: H. SCHWEIZ

712
01:03:48,780 --> 01:03:49,530
FANSUBBING WAS FUN

Editing of the subtitles (Russian).

Subtitles in SubViewer (.sub) format (Version 2.0)

Part 1: kdd1.sub
Part 2: kdd2.sub

Subtitles in SubRip (.srt) format

Part 1: kin-dza-dza-1.srt
Part 2: kin-dza-dza-2.srt