English subtitles
Добавлено: 05-12, 23:26Subtitles in SubViewer (.sub) format (Version 2.0)
Part 1: kdd1.sub
Part 2: kdd2.sub
Subtitles in SubRip (.srt) format
Part 1: kin-dza-dza-1.srt
Part 2: kin-dza-dza-2.srt
***
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Subtitles: kin-dza-dza.org.ru
Based on the subtitles by
SadGeezer & NewKate
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Subtitles: kin-dza-dza.org.ru
Editor in chief:
Durtz
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Subtitles: kin-dza-dza.org.ru
Translators: Nightingale, JD,
Karabister, Cactus of Alpha
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The Creative Union
of Comedy and Musical Films
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presents
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Kin-Dza-Dza!
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Stanislav LYUBSHIN
as Mashkov
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Evgeni LEONOV
as Wef
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Yuri YAKOVLEV
as Bee
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and introducing
Levan GABRIADZE
as Gedevan
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Screenplay
Revaz GABRIADZE
Georgi DANELIA
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Director
Georgi DANELIA
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Cinematography
Pavel LEBESHEV
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Production Design
Alexander SAMULEKIN
Theodor TEZHIK
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00:00:58,835 --> 00:01:02,698
Original Music
Gia KANCHELI
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00:01:03,119 --> 00:01:06,881
Sound
Yekaterina POPOVA-EVANS
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00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:11,708
Assistant Director &
Special Effects Supervisor
Sergei KHRAMTSOV
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Second Unit Directors:
Leonid BITZ
Karen GEVORKIAN
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Co-starring:
Anatoli SIRENKO
as the Barefoot Wanderer
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00:01:21,225 --> 00:01:24,692
Irina SHMELYOVA
as Tsan, the cart driver
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Galina DANELIA-YURKOVA
as Mashkov's wife
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Alexander LITOVKIN
as Gor, the gang leader
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Lev PERFILOV
as Kyrr, the dissident
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Tatiana NOVITSKAYA
as Lady Tinai
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Special Appearance of
Olga MASHNAYA
as Ms Dekont
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00:01:48,164 --> 00:01:51,733
...and Georgi DANELIA
as Abradox
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Thanks to all members
of kin-dza-dza.org.ru
community,
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especially
Andy Hurwitz, Vitaly Koissin...
...and Google
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KIN-DZA-DZA!
Part One
30
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:09,662
Hi
31
00:02:10,134 --> 00:02:11,233
Hi
32
00:02:12,645 --> 00:02:13,830
(Lucy: )
What's new?
33
00:02:14,181 --> 00:02:17,375
(Mashkov: )
Manokhin's had pipes burst
at his building site
34
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,538
(song on TV: )
"...Mama, mama,
what shall I do?"
35
00:02:37,830 --> 00:02:40,147
"How will I manage
when winter comes?"
36
00:02:40,474 --> 00:02:42,620
"I have got
no winter coat."
37
00:02:42,991 --> 00:02:45,350
"I have got
no winter hat..."
38
00:02:51,328 --> 00:02:53,328
(Mashkov: )
How's our A-student?
39
00:02:53,946 --> 00:02:55,457
(Lucy: )
He's out playing...
40
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:59,720
Vova, I forgot to buy bread.
Could you...?
41
00:03:02,586 --> 00:03:04,758
And get some macaroni, OK?
42
00:03:19,277 --> 00:03:20,196
Comrade,
43
00:03:20,316 --> 00:03:22,307
that man says
he's from another planet...
44
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,938
we have to do something!
45
00:03:24,187 --> 00:03:25,561
- Call the ambulance.
46
00:03:25,822 --> 00:03:29,239
- I will... but he's almost barefoot -
he'll catch a cold.
47
00:03:33,597 --> 00:03:35,253
- Hello!
- Hello.
48
00:03:35,837 --> 00:03:37,966
Excuse my bad smell.
49
00:03:38,178 --> 00:03:40,616
I'm cold.
I got this from that metal box.
50
00:03:40,822 --> 00:03:41,698
Well done.
51
00:03:41,818 --> 00:03:42,874
Friend!
52
00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:45,859
Can you tell me your planet number
in the Tenture?
53
00:03:45,979 --> 00:03:48,631
Or at least your galaxy number
in the Spiral?
54
00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:52,617
I've got the contacts mixed up
and now I can't get home.
55
00:03:52,949 --> 00:03:54,452
We don't know the number,
my friend.
56
00:03:54,698 --> 00:03:56,106
We forgot it.
57
00:03:56,773 --> 00:03:59,389
Now, this lad will call
the information office,
58
00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:02,636
and we'll wait for him together
in the bakery, OK?
59
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,481
Here, put this on.
60
00:04:04,707 --> 00:04:05,934
Thank you...
61
00:04:06,269 --> 00:04:08,003
Listen, friends.
62
00:04:08,355 --> 00:04:11,778
There's no need for the bakery,
no need for information.
63
00:04:12,105 --> 00:04:13,581
This is my planet...
64
00:04:14,795 --> 00:04:19,676
Uzm, 247 in the Tenture,
Beta galaxy in the Spiral.
65
00:04:20,182 --> 00:04:23,813
This is my space transfer machine...
66
00:04:24,179 --> 00:04:28,007
So, which contact do I press
to transfer home?
67
00:04:28,303 --> 00:04:31,101
Because time is relative -
that you understand, right?
68
00:04:31,427 --> 00:04:32,749
OK, I have a proposition.
69
00:04:32,869 --> 00:04:34,972
We'll just press a contact...
70
00:04:35,461 --> 00:04:37,317
...and transfer to your place.
71
00:04:37,437 --> 00:04:40,009
But if the machine doesn't work,
72
00:04:40,267 --> 00:04:44,370
then you transfer with us
to where we transfer you, OK?
73
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,681
No, you can't just press it!..
You have to know...
74
00:04:47,801 --> 00:04:50,453
Sure I can, my friend.
75
00:05:08,097 --> 00:05:10,219
And YOU... what can you see?
Eh?
76
00:05:10,339 --> 00:05:11,655
(Gedevan: )
Sand...
77
00:05:11,775 --> 00:05:14,827
So that stupid gadget worked...
78
00:05:18,162 --> 00:05:22,596
And that jerk with the holes,
was he left behind?
79
00:05:24,436 --> 00:05:26,965
Calm down... calm down...
80
00:05:29,303 --> 00:05:33,042
There's the sun, there's sand,
there's gravity.
81
00:05:33,162 --> 00:05:37,022
So where are we?
We're on Earth. Or...
82
00:05:37,142 --> 00:05:37,871
(Gedevan: )
Or?
83
00:05:37,991 --> 00:05:42,437
No, let's take it we're on Earth,
in some desert... Eh?
84
00:05:42,962 --> 00:05:47,068
The Karakum?
What other deserts do we have?
85
00:05:47,322 --> 00:05:48,575
(Gedevan: )
Gobi, Sahara...
86
00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:49,960
No, I said WE have!
87
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,588
We have also the Kyzyl-Kum.
88
00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:58,237
No. Let's take it that it's
the Karakum.
89
00:05:59,978 --> 00:06:01,637
OK?
So that means...
90
00:06:02,097 --> 00:06:05,737
The sun's to the west...
so, Ashkhabad is this way.
91
00:06:06,164 --> 00:06:08,765
Got it?
Let's go!
92
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,560
Come on... let's go!
93
00:06:42,552 --> 00:06:44,020
Comrade,
94
00:06:44,561 --> 00:06:46,878
what's your name?
95
00:06:46,998 --> 00:06:48,964
Vladimir Nikolaevich.
96
00:06:49,814 --> 00:06:51,616
My name is Gedevan.
97
00:06:51,882 --> 00:06:54,243
Pleased to meet you...
98
00:07:10,037 --> 00:07:13,453
You have a bottle in your case,
is it wine?
99
00:07:14,176 --> 00:07:17,493
No, it's vinegar.
100
00:07:20,949 --> 00:07:24,483
I also have some herbs -
kindza.
('coriander' in Georgian)
101
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:26,894
Oh... We're all set then.
102
00:07:31,894 --> 00:07:33,384
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
103
00:07:33,504 --> 00:07:35,929
do you remember
the number he mentioned,
104
00:07:36,049 --> 00:07:38,595
the guy who took my sock?
105
00:07:38,715 --> 00:07:39,416
No.
106
00:07:40,763 --> 00:07:44,540
Maybe we're on the planet
he came from?
107
00:07:44,742 --> 00:07:46,319
Listen, Fiddler!
108
00:07:47,028 --> 00:07:49,842
Whatever we guess,
it won’t change a damn thing!
109
00:07:49,962 --> 00:07:52,872
The direction is chosen.
Just go!
110
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:57,430
The key is to get to the water.
Got it?
111
00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:03,967
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
I want to change into slippers.
112
00:08:04,087 --> 00:08:05,708
Well, do it!
113
00:08:05,828 --> 00:08:07,444
Then WAIT!
114
00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:17,519
What's the time?
115
00:08:17,639 --> 00:08:18,932
Four.
116
00:08:19,359 --> 00:08:20,574
In the morning?
117
00:08:20,924 --> 00:08:22,381
Yes...
118
00:08:28,228 --> 00:08:29,936
(Mashkov: )
Getting late?
119
00:08:31,085 --> 00:08:33,998
It's quite awkward...
I phoned from the airport,
120
00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:35,218
said I'd be in an hour...
121
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:36,940
and here we are...
122
00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,274
You study music?
123
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:43,599
(Gedevan: )
No, it's not mine.
Professor Rogozin’s one.
124
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:48,523
He gave a concert in my hometown.
After, they forgot to put
125
00:08:48,643 --> 00:08:49,914
the violin on the plane.
126
00:08:50,506 --> 00:08:51,546
A banquet?
127
00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:52,784
No, just a dinner...
128
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:55,469
Aha.
Are you from Tbilisi?
129
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,037
(Gedevan: )
No, Batumi.
130
00:08:58,590 --> 00:09:01,974
I thought I'd return the violin,
and still have time to catch the train.
131
00:09:02,094 --> 00:09:04,930
I study in Textile Institute in Ivanovo.
132
00:09:05,324 --> 00:09:06,178
Aha...
133
00:09:06,298 --> 00:09:10,377
First, I wanted to study in MGIMO,
the institute of international relations,
134
00:09:10,596 --> 00:09:12,392
but they said...
135
00:09:12,705 --> 00:09:13,745
Quiet!...
136
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:17,444
- Koo!
- A man...
137
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,636
Koo!
138
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,191
- Koo.
- Hello...
- Koo!
139
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,837
- Koo!
140
00:10:39,287 --> 00:10:43,100
It's a capitalist country.
141
00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:56,356
(Two men are singing: )
Koo! Koo! Koo! Wuuuu!!!
142
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,670
Gedevan! Do you speak
any foreign languages?
143
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,727
English. A little French.
144
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:10,330
Tell them we have no money...
145
00:11:11,407 --> 00:11:14,280
Tell them!
They want to be paid!
146
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:21,216
(Gedevan - in English: )
Gentlemen, sorry!
We haven't money... now!
147
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,889
- Koo?!
148
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:43,591
Hello! We are Soviet tourists.
We lost our group.
149
00:11:43,747 --> 00:11:49,470
Pick us up to the nearest city,
and then we'll manage by ourselves...
...Translate, Fiddler.
150
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:54,202
(Gedevan - in English: )
Do you speak English?
(The stranger: ) – Koo?
151
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,100
- Parlez-francais?
- Koo...
152
00:11:57,700 --> 00:12:05,001
Hi! Do you speak English?
Parlez-francais?
153
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:09,004
...Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
154
00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:11,198
- Koo!
155
00:12:16,567 --> 00:12:19,101
Chatl!
156
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:27,310
No money. We left passports and
currency with the tour guide.
157
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:33,330
It just so happened...
We walked away for a moment...
and got lost in the sands.
158
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:43,980
- Grr... Kyoo.
159
00:12:47,077 --> 00:12:51,238
- Take it. It's warm.
- Koo!
160
00:12:51,887 --> 00:12:54,166
Pardon, what?
161
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:59,835
- Koo!
- You want my hat? OK.
162
00:13:07,127 --> 00:13:12,450
I'm sorry, it's not mine,
I can't give it away...
163
00:13:15,207 --> 00:13:18,680
(Gedevan: )
There's nothing in there.
164
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,370
(Mashkov: )
Open it.
165
00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:31,817
(Gedevan: )
It's not wine, it's vinegar.
(The stranger: ) – Koo!
166
00:13:37,286 --> 00:13:40,950
- Sour, right?
- Kyoo... Weeeh...
167
00:13:49,047 --> 00:13:54,430
Well, friend, so that's settled?
You’ll give us a lift?..
168
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,760
Fiddler, hurry up!..
169
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:06,090
As I said, just to the nearest city!
Once there,
we'll easily find the way!
170
00:14:06,232 --> 00:14:11,275
- Koo!
- The jacket now...
You want it too?
171
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,110
(Mashkov: )
- Bastards!
172
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:32,230
(Gedevan: )
- Glad I didn't give them the violin.
173
00:14:51,227 --> 00:14:54,420
(Gedevan: )
Looks like they're ashamed!
174
00:15:09,247 --> 00:15:13,035
Ketse! Ketse!!
175
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,610
- What does it mean, 'ketse'?
- Ketse!
176
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:23,757
He seems to want a match.
177
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:27,631
- You want a match?
- Ketse!
178
00:15:30,047 --> 00:15:32,940
Here. It’s yours.
179
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:51,240
- Koo!
- The whole box?
- Koo!
180
00:15:51,987 --> 00:15:56,670
Take us away from here,
and we'll give you 'koo'.
181
00:17:11,787 --> 00:17:19,002
Not a single letter,
not a single 'made in' label...
182
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:28,654
- Koo!
- Sorry, I don't understand...
183
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,196
- Sprechen Sie Turkisch?
- Kyoo!
184
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:45,360
- Koo.
- What do they want?
185
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:50,020
KOO they want!
186
00:18:03,867 --> 00:18:06,002
Tsak!
187
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,110
Thank you...
188
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:18,630
- Tsak!
- He wants me
to put the bell on.
189
00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:22,950
(Mashkov: )
- Not on his life!
190
00:18:23,184 --> 00:18:29,730
- Tsak! Tsak...
- I'll do it, Vladimir Nikolaevich,
if it makes him happy...
191
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:33,200
Go ahead!
Do what you want.
192
00:18:43,820 --> 00:19:03,598
- Tsak! Tsak... tsak...
- OK, you pushed it enough.
193
00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:16,255
Ding, ding.
194
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,073
Koo.
195
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,235
Koo!
196
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,149
- Koo!
- Koo!
197
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,437
Koo.
198
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:40,860
I'll just have a cigarette,
if that's all right with you...
199
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,077
- Ketse!!!
- Calm down, calm down!
- Ketse... Woe...
200
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,277
Real ketse!
201
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:40,380
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
maybe we're really on...
202
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:44,710
Yeah right!
They’re typical Martians.
203
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,432
Kyoo!
204
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:12,880
(The tall stranger: )
Lucy darling,
damn you with your... macaroni.
205
00:22:21,447 --> 00:22:29,240
So... You speak Russian do you?
Why was it necessary to conceal it?
206
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:36,030
Well, we didn't.
It's hard to penetrate your language,
when your thoughts are bilingual.
207
00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:41,150
And this Patsak is always talkin'
in languages, the rest of which
he doesn't know!
208
00:22:41,230 --> 00:22:44,470
Why are you starin' at me,
maimuna verishvilo?!
209
00:22:45,170 --> 00:22:47,000
They speak Georgian too...
210
00:22:47,060 --> 00:22:48,710
What did he say?
211
00:22:48,810 --> 00:22:50,240
Monkey son of a donkey.
---
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:55,610
Alright.
We're from the Soviet Union,
here on a cultural exchange.
184
00:22:55,610 --> 00:22:58,040
Our compatriots know
where we are.
They're looking for us.
185
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:04,880
If you're not going to let us contact
our embassy, you'll be in big trouble,
is that clear?
186
00:23:09,370 --> 00:23:12,900
We don't understand ‘embassy’.
Put the tsak back!
187
00:23:13,610 --> 00:23:21,290
You understand macaroni,
you understand maimuna,
yet you don’t know...
188
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,660
...what's an embassy?!
Quit messing with us!
Got it?
189
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:33,850
You thought about macaroni
and I just repeated it. It's not
Earth, not Africa, my friend.
190
00:23:33,850 --> 00:23:43,460
It's the planet Pluke, 215
in the Tenture. The Kin Dza Dza
galaxy in the Spiral. Got it?
191
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:49,550
Congrats... here we are.
192
00:23:51,550 --> 00:23:57,270
Put the bell on, my friend...
Put it on.
193
00:24:00,820 --> 00:24:04,890
Good boy, well done.
194
00:24:33,150 --> 00:24:34,910
Excuse me,
where have we landed?
195
00:24:34,910 --> 00:24:40,470
Sh! She has very sharp ears.
Do you know the tenture
of your planet?
196
00:24:40,470 --> 00:24:41,420
Tenture?
197
00:24:41,420 --> 00:24:45,480
Well, tell us your galaxy number
in the Spiral.
198
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:46,310
In... what?
In the spiral?
199
00:24:46,310 --> 00:24:47,730
Yes, in the Spiral...
in the Spiral...
200
00:24:47,730 --> 00:24:48,140
Er... The Earth is... er...
201
00:24:48,140 --> 00:24:55,760
It orbits with such planets as er...
Venus, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter...
202
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,700
What else, Vladimir Nikolaevich?
203
00:24:57,700 --> 00:24:59,290
Ursa Major.
204
00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:01,650
Vladimir Nikolaevich, come here.
205
00:25:07,620 --> 00:25:10,620
Do you have more matches
on your planet?
206
00:25:10,620 --> 00:25:12,380
Well, I'll try an' get some.
207
00:25:12,380 --> 00:25:15,400
How many will you give us
if we PUT you back there?
208
00:25:16,580 --> 00:25:18,170
How many do you want?
209
00:25:18,170 --> 00:25:20,420
Two boxes like that!!
210
00:25:20,420 --> 00:25:21,600
Seven!
211
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,120
Yes! Seven!
212
00:25:23,710 --> 00:25:28,790
And this box...
Give it to me now!
I'll buy a gravitsapa.
213
00:25:28,790 --> 00:25:30,920
Excuse me,
what is a gravitsapa?
214
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:35,990
Without a gravitsapa a pepelats
can only fly like this,
215
00:25:35,990 --> 00:25:41,430
but with it you can reach
any point in the universe -
in 5 seconds.
216
00:25:41,430 --> 00:25:47,100
Hey, you've taken a pepelats out
of the garage without a gravitsapa?!
It's no good!
217
00:25:47,100 --> 00:25:50,150
We had a gravitsapa. But when
we came here, it got pinched.
218
00:25:50,150 --> 00:25:51,330
Aha.
219
00:25:51,330 --> 00:25:53,290
Excuse me, do you have
a space transfer machine?
220
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:53,760
No.
221
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:54,470
No, we have none.
222
00:25:54,940 --> 00:25:56,650
Give me the matches.
223
00:25:57,010 --> 00:25:58,780
Give us some water.
224
00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:26,560
Like this! You must do this!
You must do this!
Do this...
225
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:30,280
This is yours,
this is how you smoke now.
226
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,280
Thank you.
227
00:26:36,430 --> 00:26:41,380
- Koo! Koo!
- He said they have a gravitsapa.
Put your matches here.
228
00:26:41,610 --> 00:26:46,580
I have a proposition.
When you PUT us on the Earth,
you'll get this and this.
229
00:26:46,580 --> 00:26:47,700
That's all.
- What??
230
00:26:47,700 --> 00:26:50,520
Come on, Fiddler,
to the outer space.
231
00:26:51,180 --> 00:26:58,250
Wait! Come back.
Give it to me!
232
00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:00,730
On Mother Earth you'll get them.
233
00:27:00,730 --> 00:27:06,330
Vladimir Nikolaevich! You said
if we take you, you'd give us
all of it!
234
00:27:06,330 --> 00:27:11,580
But then you stole this match from us!
Patsak won't cheat on Patsak.
It's not nice, my friend...
235
00:27:11,580 --> 00:27:13,540
I said - take us to the city!
236
00:27:13,540 --> 00:27:14,840
And what's this?
237
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:15,840
A barn!
238
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:24,400
And this? And this?
What's this here - not a city?!
239
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:31,650
Stop pissin' about!
Let's see that gravitsapa.
If it's major brand, we'll take it.
240
00:27:32,590 --> 00:27:42,380
What bonehead would take smuggled
ketse in front of witnesses?! You'll get
life-long ecikh with nails for it!
241
00:27:42,380 --> 00:27:45,030
Stupid Patsak!
Wha'd'you have in your head,
brain or kyoo?
242
00:27:47,110 --> 00:27:49,350
We'll buy it ourselves.
Let's go, Fiddler.
243
00:27:51,130 --> 00:27:54,770
Stop! Stop I said!
244
00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:06,290
Who are you?
I asked who are you?!
245
00:28:07,410 --> 00:28:08,700
An alien foreman.
246
00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:11,710
No. You're Patsak!
And who are you?
247
00:28:11,710 --> 00:28:13,020
I'm Georgian.
248
00:28:13,020 --> 00:28:18,870
No, You're Patsak, too!
You're Patsak, you're Patsak
and he's also Patsak!
249
00:28:18,870 --> 00:28:22,100
But I'm Chatlanian!
And they are Chatlanian too!
250
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:26,350
So you put your tsak on
and sit in pepelats, got it?
251
00:28:26,710 --> 00:28:28,050
What?
252
00:28:28,050 --> 00:28:34,840
Watch, my friend... When I point
this visator at myself, which signal
registers? Green.
253
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:41,400
Now at him, watch - green, too.
And at you... Green.
254
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:46,110
Now look at Wef - which colour?
Orange?
255
00:28:46,110 --> 00:28:50,720
Because he is Chatlanian!
Well, do you understand?
256
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:51,720
So what?
257
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:56,800
Pluke is a Chatlanian planet.
Therefore we Patsaks must
wear tsak...
258
00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:01,930
Yes! And in front of us Chatlanians
you must do like this!
259
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,710
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
it's an unbridled racism.
260
00:29:06,060 --> 00:29:07,960
Come again, please.
261
00:29:08,550 --> 00:29:09,670
Like this!
262
00:29:09,670 --> 00:29:11,540
A bit slower, could you?
263
00:29:11,540 --> 00:29:13,380
Like this.
264
00:29:14,740 --> 00:29:23,300
V.N., you have a wife at home,
a son struggling for a C average,
a cooperative flat you haven't paid for,
265
00:29:23,300 --> 00:29:30,370
and now you're messing around.
You'll come to no good, my friend.
266
00:29:35,220 --> 00:29:37,740
Alright, Fiddler,
let's play their games...
267
00:29:37,740 --> 00:29:39,160
There we are, well done.
268
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,820
Now give a match to Wef,
he'll buy the gravitsapa.
269
00:29:42,820 --> 00:29:44,710
He said he needed them all.
270
00:29:44,710 --> 00:29:46,840
I was joking.
271
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,830
Very funny.
272
00:29:51,260 --> 00:29:54,390
Koo. Wait.
We'll go together...
273
00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:02,710
Don't show 'em your ketse,
and don't think about it.
274
00:30:02,710 --> 00:30:05,880
Just show 'em mine.
And don't give 'em more
than half a match.
275
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,070
Gravitsapa costs half a match.
276
00:30:09,250 --> 00:30:11,970
Your Patsak said a whole match.
277
00:30:13,210 --> 00:30:15,390
He was joking, too.
278
00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:34,100
Concrete mark 300?
279
00:30:36,930 --> 00:30:40,650
Patsak!
Remember - half or less.
280
00:30:40,650 --> 00:30:41,830
OK.
281
00:30:41,830 --> 00:30:44,840
Excuse me...
Chatlanian and Patsak -
is it nationality?
282
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,840
No.
283
00:30:47,140 --> 00:30:48,620
Biological factor?
284
00:30:48,620 --> 00:30:49,620
No.
285
00:30:49,620 --> 00:30:51,220
From different planets?
286
00:30:51,220 --> 00:30:52,390
No.
287
00:30:52,390 --> 00:30:54,740
So what distinguishes
one from another?
288
00:30:54,740 --> 00:30:59,290
Are you colour-blind, Fiddler?
289
00:30:59,290 --> 00:31:01,300
Can't you tell green from orange?..
Tourist!
290
00:31:07,250 --> 00:31:09,250
Wow!
291
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:12,970
Skyscraper!
292
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,290
Come on!
293
00:31:28,340 --> 00:31:30,270
Koo!
Vova, do as I taught!
294
00:31:30,570 --> 00:31:35,820
Hi, citizen.
You don't feel cold
in the coat, do you?
295
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:51,340
They won’t let me in.
They want you alone.
Don't give 'em ketse,
296
00:31:51,340 --> 00:31:53,930
bring the gravitsapa here,
I'll check it.
297
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,180
Enter!
298
00:32:00,420 --> 00:32:01,840
Not you!
299
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:02,960
We're together!
300
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,200
Not you!
301
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,860
Vladimir Nikolaevich, tell him!
302
00:32:06,860 --> 00:32:08,860
It's alright.
303
00:32:09,570 --> 00:32:11,390
Wait here.
304
00:32:18,140 --> 00:32:20,490
But don't leave!
305
00:32:39,310 --> 00:32:41,140
Hi!
306
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,330
How are things?
307
00:32:49,700 --> 00:32:55,310
You want me to squat...
well, just out of respect
for the ladies present...
308
00:32:58,370 --> 00:33:01,150
Well what's new... on Pluke?
309
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,330
Gimme ketse,
you'll get a gravitsapa.
310
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,800
A half!
311
00:33:20,670 --> 00:33:22,680
Yeah, a half.
312
00:33:23,510 --> 00:33:25,330
May I have a look?
313
00:33:25,330 --> 00:33:27,330
Sure.
314
00:33:38,790 --> 00:33:46,580
Actually, I am not an expert
in these gravitsapas... So let's go
and show it to my Chatlanian...
315
00:33:46,580 --> 00:33:49,660
- He'll check it, OK?
- Jus’ a moment while we
install the tsapa.
316
00:34:07,470 --> 00:34:09,590
Sore throat?
317
00:34:14,370 --> 00:34:15,780
It’s water...
318
00:34:15,780 --> 00:34:24,580
I have a proposition.
I'll give you the rest of this ketse
for two bottles of water.
319
00:34:24,580 --> 00:34:26,580
- Agreed?
- OK.
320
00:34:37,910 --> 00:34:39,810
Do you have food?
321
00:34:39,810 --> 00:34:41,630
Kasha...
322
00:34:41,630 --> 00:34:43,640
What kind?
323
00:34:44,530 --> 00:34:46,770
Plastic.
324
00:34:52,500 --> 00:35:03,580
I’ll give you this whole ketse
for five bottles of water
and a kilo of kasha.
325
00:35:07,530 --> 00:35:08,710
What’s this?
326
00:35:08,710 --> 00:35:10,360
Ketse.
327
00:35:11,370 --> 00:35:12,790
We have to check it again.
328
00:35:12,790 --> 00:35:14,790
- Well, check it.
- Koo!
329
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,620
Hey, where are you going?
330
00:35:36,740 --> 00:35:38,520
Wait man...
331
00:36:06,020 --> 00:36:11,150
Fiddler! Can you obtain more
matches on Earth?
332
00:36:12,030 --> 00:36:14,210
I can.
333
00:36:17,050 --> 00:36:22,950
If you can spit further than me,
I'll give you half a chatl.
This is a Spitta.
334
00:36:22,950 --> 00:36:27,730
And if I can OVERSPIT you,
you’ll give me two matches....
335
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:38,580
Understood?
336
00:36:38,580 --> 00:36:39,290
No.
337
00:36:39,290 --> 00:36:44,960
It's just a simple game.
I bet half a chatl,
you bet 3 matches.
338
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,310
Come on, spit, sonnie!
339
00:36:46,310 --> 00:36:48,300
Thank you, I'd rather not.
340
00:36:49,260 --> 00:36:57,470
OK, you bet one match,
I bet 3 chatls an’ Yellow Pants,
and I’ll give you...
341
00:36:57,470 --> 00:36:59,060
...a head-start LIKE THIS!
Come on!
- No!
342
00:36:59,060 --> 00:37:00,360
Well, Blue Pants!
343
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:03,190
Mr Uef, I will not enter
on аny terms and conditions.
344
00:37:03,190 --> 00:37:11,870
Is that CRUELLY FINAL?
So why are you pissin’ about,
maimuna verishvilo?!
345
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:20,720
Mr Wef! I represent a civilized planet,
and I insist that you watch
your language! Yeah!
346
00:37:48,630 --> 00:37:50,690
Where are they?
347
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:52,040
Who?
348
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:56,120
That one, with a scar!
I'm such a bonehead!
I gave him all the matches!
349
00:39:06,460 --> 00:39:08,810
- Kyoo... Woe...
- Stop it, men. Enough!
350
00:39:10,110 --> 00:39:15,610
Enough? Enough?!
I told him a thousand times
we should go to the Centre!
351
00:39:15,610 --> 00:39:20,740
But he's greedy like all Chatlanians!
He wanted to save 2 chatls!
Кyoo!
352
00:39:22,210 --> 00:39:24,860
Well, I have another one.
353
00:39:28,530 --> 00:39:31,430
As I understand it,
enough for a gravitsapa.
354
00:39:32,070 --> 00:39:34,310
Give it to me. Now.
355
00:39:34,310 --> 00:39:35,370
Why?
356
00:39:35,370 --> 00:39:37,500
To buy a gravitsapa, duh!
357
00:39:39,330 --> 00:39:40,800
Where?
358
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,350
There, in the Centre.
359
00:39:43,350 --> 00:39:50,760
How will you get us to Earth,
when you don't even know
in which galaxy she orbits?
360
00:39:51,410 --> 00:39:56,380
You bonehead! Any planetarium
in the Centre will give out
your planet number for 2 chatls!
361
00:39:57,540 --> 00:39:59,740
Give me the match, OK?
362
00:40:00,210 --> 00:40:02,390
Bah! So you could bury us
in the sand?!
363
00:40:02,390 --> 00:40:03,990
So you won't give it?
364
00:40:03,990 --> 00:40:05,110
No.
365
00:40:05,110 --> 00:40:07,700
Is that cruelly final?
366
00:40:07,700 --> 00:40:10,120
Most cruelly.
367
00:40:14,540 --> 00:40:17,680
Then goodbye, my friend.
368
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,400
They're going away,
Vladimir Nikolaevich.
369
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,950
Like hell!
They'll hang themselves
for a match!
370
00:40:37,150 --> 00:40:45,820
Either you give us the match now,
or we won't PUT you on Earth
for less than 7 boxes!
371
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,080
OK, 2 000.
372
00:40:53,610 --> 00:40:55,500
No! 3 000!
373
00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:57,560
Well, 2 300.
374
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,340
3 000, I say!
375
00:41:08,010 --> 00:41:10,490
2 500,
I can't give you more.
376
00:41:10,610 --> 00:41:13,030
Yes, you can, my friend.
377
00:41:13,210 --> 00:41:15,270
Mr Bee,
378
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:24,180
I have 50 roubles,
matches cost 2 kopecks per box,
379
00:41:24,180 --> 00:41:27,540
so I can buy 2 500,
it's maximum...
380
00:41:27,540 --> 00:41:31,790
Fiddler, don’t bullshit!
You have more Russian chatls.
381
00:41:35,970 --> 00:41:41,690
Mr Wef! Don’t call me Fiddler!
My name is Gedevan Alexandrovich!
382
00:41:50,380 --> 00:41:52,200
What's that, an engine?
383
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,570
Don't poke your nose
in every hole!
384
00:41:54,570 --> 00:41:56,810
...Gedevan Alexandrovich...
385
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:06,070
Gedevan, let's tie up these rogues
and take a course to the North.
386
00:42:06,660 --> 00:42:08,430
What for?
387
00:42:08,430 --> 00:42:11,270
What if the shores
of the Mediterranean are there?
388
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,410
Ha! Vladimir Nikolaevich,
are you nuts?
389
00:42:15,410 --> 00:42:21,880
Where did you get seas on Pluke?
Our seas have been made
into LUTZ long ago.
390
00:42:22,590 --> 00:42:25,780
Excuse me, into what?
391
00:42:25,780 --> 00:42:27,850
Into fuel, Fiddler. Into fuel...
392
00:42:30,740 --> 00:42:33,270
Now you owe us 6 140 boxes.
393
00:42:33,270 --> 00:42:35,690
Why so much?
394
00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:39,350
You ate kasha,
you drank water...
plus the bandura.
395
00:42:40,950 --> 00:42:44,950
No, cancel the bandura...
we don't want the bandura.
Put it back, Fiddler.
396
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:59,240
Uncle Vova, we need to bring back
a sample of technology. If not,
who will believe us?
397
00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:03,260
Well, give them the violin,
if you like that bandura so much.
398
00:43:05,380 --> 00:43:10,920
It's an 18th century Italian violin!
It’s worth 1000 roubles, if not more!
399
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,220
How would I ever pay it back?
400
00:43:15,580 --> 00:43:21,480
Fiddler, instead of thinking that
you're the first Georgian cosmonaut
and that you'd get a Nobel Prize,
401
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:29,390
give back the spoon
you stole from us poor artists.
402
00:43:30,870 --> 00:43:33,520
I wasn’t thinking anything
about cosmos or Nobel...
And I'm not a thief...
403
00:43:39,130 --> 00:43:43,850
I wanted to bring it to the
institute of non-ferrous metals,
it may prove something new...
404
00:43:44,970 --> 00:43:51,870
Heavens! The heavens never saw
such a disreputable Patsak
as you, Fiddler.
405
00:43:51,870 --> 00:43:54,820
I am deeply saddened.
406
00:44:00,070 --> 00:44:01,540
Where are you goin’?
407
00:44:01,540 --> 00:44:02,970
To the toilet.
408
00:44:02,970 --> 00:44:09,580
Money not allowed in the toilet!
Leave money here...
Gedevan Alexandrovich!
409
00:44:45,860 --> 00:44:48,170
Ketse is very expensive, my friend.
410
00:44:48,170 --> 00:44:50,400
- Why?
- Well now...
411
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:56,130
...on Earth, how do you determine
who should squat in front of whom
and how many times?
412
00:44:56,130 --> 00:44:58,970
Well, it's a guess-work.
413
00:44:59,500 --> 00:45:06,810
Barbarians!
Look man, I like you,
so I'll teach you.
414
00:45:06,980 --> 00:45:12,480
If I have a few ketse,
I have the right
to wear Yellow Pants.
415
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:18,840
So, Patsaks have to squat
in front of me
not once, but twice.
416
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:26,710
If I have a lot of ketse,
I have the right to wear
Crimson Pants.
417
00:45:26,710 --> 00:45:35,070
So, Patsaks have to squat in front
of me twice, and Chatlanians have
to koo to me!
418
00:45:35,070 --> 00:45:41,450
And an ecilop may not
beat me up at night!
Never!
419
00:45:43,510 --> 00:45:51,960
I have a proposition, my friend.
You give us the match now, and later
we'll bring you Yellow Pants, deal?
420
00:45:53,010 --> 00:45:55,660
Thanks, I already have a pair.
Fiddler maybe needs some...
421
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:59,620
Hey, Fiddler!
Aliens are peddlin' pants here!
422
00:46:00,450 --> 00:46:03,050
Yellow ones! Need any?
423
00:46:04,650 --> 00:46:06,340
There is no Fiddler, my friend.
424
00:46:06,340 --> 00:46:07,170
What?!
425
00:46:07,170 --> 00:46:08,710
I ejected him.
426
00:46:08,710 --> 00:46:14,970
But you needn't worry, V.N.
We have another catapult.
A new one.
427
00:46:14,970 --> 00:46:16,740
That old one
was broken anyway.
- I don't get it...
428
00:46:16,740 --> 00:46:20,160
I pressed the kappa
and he flew away.
429
00:46:20,570 --> 00:46:26,000
Fiddler isn't needed, my friend,
he's just a waste of fuel...
430
00:46:36,150 --> 00:46:38,570
Turn back!
431
00:46:38,570 --> 00:46:39,800
Impossible...
432
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,700
We’re out of lutz.
We need to fly
to the lutz station.
433
00:46:43,690 --> 00:46:47,770
Turn back!
Or I’ll burn this damned ketse!
434
00:46:49,780 --> 00:46:52,260
Gedevan!
435
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,980
Fiddler!
436
00:47:02,770 --> 00:47:04,950
Hey, Fiddler!
437
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,160
Where could he have gone?
438
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:21,810
You've been told.
The ecilops caught him.
439
00:47:22,460 --> 00:47:23,760
Well let's go, my friend.
440
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,540
You bastards!
You've really done it now!
441
00:47:30,030 --> 00:47:32,560
Call the ecilops on the radio!
442
00:47:33,150 --> 00:47:35,860
We have no radio.
We threw it away,
because of annoying Maydays!
443
00:47:36,450 --> 00:47:37,980
I’ll be back! I have to check!
444
00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:39,980
Ecilop!
445
00:47:48,730 --> 00:47:50,790
Put the tsak on, now!
446
00:47:52,690 --> 00:47:54,220
- Put the tsak on!
- Not on his life!
447
00:47:54,220 --> 00:47:56,050
Your ecilop will have
to do without!
448
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:12,800
Put it on, or he’ll tranklucate you!
You and the match!
449
00:49:07,210 --> 00:49:09,090
Hello. Listen, friend...
450
00:49:09,090 --> 00:49:12,580
...we lost a young lad around here,
did you see him?
451
00:49:14,820 --> 00:49:16,760
- Koo!
- What?
452
00:49:28,810 --> 00:49:33,580
Oh! Sorry, I forgot...
They said you picked him up.
453
00:50:13,540 --> 00:50:17,250
I told you Fiddler isn't needed!
But you weren’t listening!
454
00:50:17,250 --> 00:50:20,370
How will we buy lutz now?
How?!
455
00:50:26,270 --> 00:50:28,580
You're a damned bastard,
my friend...
456
00:50:28,580 --> 00:50:31,410
He's worse.
He's just a kyoo.
457
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:12,780
I have a proposition.
We find Fiddler, and then we’ll go
to the local government...
458
00:51:12,780 --> 00:51:15,130
Get me some sand, my friend...
459
00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:19,560
We tell to your governors
who we are, where we're from...
460
00:51:21,980 --> 00:51:30,300
They'll give us a gravitsapa,
and we'll organize
a mutually beneficial trade...
461
00:51:32,070 --> 00:51:36,900
Pluke to Earth: lots of yellow pants.
Earth to Pluke: as many ketse
as the Plukanians want.
462
00:51:37,550 --> 00:51:40,680
We ALREADY need a gravitsapa
to go to the government!
463
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,810
The governors live on another planet,
my friend.
464
00:52:29,420 --> 00:52:32,140
Uncle Vova! I'm here!
465
00:52:34,620 --> 00:52:36,330
I’m here!
466
00:52:51,190 --> 00:52:52,130
Fiddler!
467
00:52:52,130 --> 00:52:52,840
What?
468
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,210
Where is my thing...
what’s it called...?
469
00:52:55,210 --> 00:52:57,210
Tsak?
470
00:52:58,160 --> 00:52:59,750
Yeah. Where is it?
471
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:01,880
I have it.
472
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:02,940
So give it to me!
473
00:53:02,940 --> 00:53:03,990
Right here? Why?
474
00:53:03,990 --> 00:53:06,180
Well, just give it to me, I said!
475
00:53:09,900 --> 00:53:11,620
But there’s nobody here...
476
00:53:12,910 --> 00:53:14,090
Hey, that's mine.
477
00:53:14,090 --> 00:53:16,220
Alright, so keep it ready!
478
00:53:36,340 --> 00:53:38,400
Are you asleep?
479
00:53:39,180 --> 00:53:41,120
No.
480
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:43,290
Cheer up, Fiddler.
481
00:53:43,290 --> 00:53:46,830
If there is a gravitsapa
on Pluke, we'll get it.
482
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,210
It was happening to me
to get scarcer things...
483
00:53:54,500 --> 00:53:56,450
Ah! Quiet...
484
00:53:59,110 --> 00:54:01,590
- Hey! Missy! Wait! Wait!
- Koo?
485
00:54:02,890 --> 00:54:05,540
- Would you give us a lift
to the Centre?
486
00:54:05,540 --> 00:54:06,850
Patsak, stop.
487
00:54:06,850 --> 00:54:08,490
What?
488
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:13,750
Don't come any closer.
What do you want?
489
00:54:13,750 --> 00:54:15,520
Take us to the Centre!..
490
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,530
3 chatls.
491
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:21,350
No money!
But we'll work for it!
492
00:54:21,350 --> 00:54:23,250
And what can you do?
493
00:54:23,900 --> 00:54:26,200
Me? I can do everything!
494
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:27,080
Don’t brag! What exactly?
495
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:33,750
Vladimir Nikolaevich is a
builder site foreman!
He can build you a house!
496
00:54:33,750 --> 00:54:35,810
And what can YOU do?
497
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:37,750
Me?
498
00:54:38,300 --> 00:54:41,010
He can play violin!
499
00:54:42,130 --> 00:54:44,200
Play!
500
00:54:44,730 --> 00:54:45,900
Play.
501
00:54:45,900 --> 00:54:48,970
I can't!
502
00:54:48,970 --> 00:54:51,040
Bye, Patsaks.
503
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:55,350
Citizen! Wait! I can!
504
00:54:55,350 --> 00:54:57,350
Play!
505
00:54:57,350 --> 00:54:58,940
Here?
506
00:54:58,940 --> 00:55:01,130
Over there!
507
00:55:22,020 --> 00:55:25,490
Wait a minute, foreman...
I'll tune this up...
508
00:55:30,100 --> 00:55:32,340
Now, play.
509
00:55:35,420 --> 00:55:37,700
And sing.
510
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,440
Right, just a sec.
511
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:46,100
How does it go...
512
00:55:46,100 --> 00:55:51,400
(Mashkov sings: )
Mama, mama, what shall I do?..
513
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,700
Cool!
514
00:55:53,700 --> 00:55:54,950
What?
515
00:55:54,950 --> 00:55:56,600
I said, 'Cool!'
516
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:57,900
People like it.
517
00:55:57,900 --> 00:55:58,840
What?
518
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:00,850
PEOPLE LIKE IT!
519
00:56:21,370 --> 00:56:22,680
I can’t sing ‘wuuu’.
Let me be a drummer.
520
00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:23,330
- How’s that?
- Tam ta da da dam...
521
00:56:26,390 --> 00:56:28,220
Foreman!
522
00:56:28,630 --> 00:56:30,930
Fiddler isn't needed!
523
00:56:33,300 --> 00:56:37,370
It’s OK, he won’t be a bother.
Give us some water to drink,
will you?
524
00:56:37,370 --> 00:56:40,020
I said, after the performance.
525
00:56:40,020 --> 00:56:42,910
Miss, we could take it by force.
526
00:56:46,110 --> 00:56:48,830
Then you'd have to ask us.
527
00:56:48,830 --> 00:56:52,410
Oh! You touch me and an ecilop
will come right here and tear
your legs off.
528
00:56:52,410 --> 00:56:54,830
I don't give a damn
about your ecilop!
529
00:56:54,830 --> 00:56:57,960
Calm down, Fiddler.
Don't provoke the lady...
530
00:56:59,850 --> 00:57:02,090
Foreman!
531
00:57:13,190 --> 00:57:15,430
Look...
Wuu-wuu… Wuu-koo...
532
00:57:21,510 --> 00:57:23,990
Alright, I got it.
533
00:57:25,460 --> 00:57:30,120
Look, do you know anyone
with a gravitsapa and a pepelats?
534
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:31,650
Why?
535
00:57:31,650 --> 00:57:36,320
Well he could give us a lift to Earth,
and we'd give you both
a big crate of ketse...
536
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:42,160
I know that your people
don't trust words...
Well, read what I'm thinking...
537
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:48,360
That your wife is probably calling
all the city morgues.
538
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:51,600
No, what am I thinking exactly now?
539
00:57:52,190 --> 00:57:53,790
That you will really keep your promise.
540
00:57:53,790 --> 00:57:55,720
You see? It’s true.
541
00:57:57,140 --> 00:58:00,510
What idiot on Pluke thinks the truth?
542
00:58:01,690 --> 00:58:03,640
It's absurd!
543
00:58:04,170 --> 00:58:12,190
Precisely because you say what
you don't think and think what you
don't think, you do sit in cages.
544
00:58:12,190 --> 00:58:20,280
That’s the cause of all this bitter
cataclysm which I see here,
and V.N. sees too...
545
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:25,530
Patsaks have to perform in cages,
so come inside right now, you two!
Why put on lugs?
546
00:58:25,530 --> 00:58:28,430
Doesn't matter, my dear,
we will sing beside the cage.
547
00:58:28,430 --> 00:58:31,610
Get in! He saw us!
He’ll tranklucate us!
548
00:58:31,610 --> 00:58:33,200
We're not animals.
549
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:34,900
What???
550
00:58:36,550 --> 00:58:37,680
You SHALL come inside, I say!
You SHALL do it!
551
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:38,390
Hands off!
552
00:58:38,390 --> 00:58:39,160
You shall get in!
553
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:40,510
Stop it!
554
00:58:40,510 --> 00:58:42,160
Get in!
555
00:58:47,530 --> 00:58:50,190
Get in, or he’ll melt us down!
556
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:54,920
OK, get in Fiddler,
if she wants it that badly.
557
00:58:55,570 --> 00:58:57,570
Get in.
558
00:59:02,230 --> 00:59:06,540
One two three...
559
00:59:06,540 --> 00:59:08,310
Dance!
560
00:59:08,610 --> 00:59:09,490
Dance... Wuu, koo, wuu…
561
00:59:09,490 --> 00:59:12,970
I'll tell you what...
Go find another band...
nunky!
562
00:59:14,620 --> 00:59:16,400
What???
563
00:59:27,010 --> 00:59:29,020
Don’t move! I'll be back.
564
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:37,460
We've got to get out of here.
Boys, push the cart, it's uphill.
565
00:59:37,570 --> 00:59:40,290
The pleasure is ours...
566
00:59:47,430 --> 00:59:49,030
Accelerate!
567
00:59:49,030 --> 00:59:51,380
Bye, bastards!
568
01:00:11,090 --> 01:00:13,980
What??? Oooh...
I will tell everybody...
569
01:00:13,980 --> 01:00:19,940
...where this buffoon PJ
has led the planet!
570
01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:26,320
Patsaks are walking
all over Chatlanians!
Kyoo!
571
01:00:33,810 --> 01:00:37,120
Everything in place?
572
01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:39,540
She stole the cologne.
573
01:00:40,470 --> 01:00:42,250
Women!..
574
01:00:47,860 --> 01:00:52,760
Let me...
Hey! What do you
have in there... lead?
575
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,110
Let me, uncle Vova.
576
01:01:31,700 --> 01:01:35,650
I don't even know
which way to look.
577
01:01:35,650 --> 01:01:38,020
Where's the Earth?
578
01:01:54,650 --> 01:02:02,550
Galina Borisovna! Comrade Mashkov
and I, as Patsaks, could receive 2 chatls
for a performance - it's maximum.
579
01:02:02,550 --> 01:02:07,570
Water, lutz and bribes to
ecilops – at least 1 chatl a day.
580
01:02:07,570 --> 01:02:12,530
And a gravitsapa costs half a ketse!
That's 2 200 chatls!
581
01:02:12,530 --> 01:02:21,090
Divide by 365, minus weekends...
we get 6. And that's for those 6 years
when I had no way of returning!
582
01:02:21,910 --> 01:02:25,630
That's all very well,
Gedevan Alexandrovich,
but these are just words.
583
01:02:25,630 --> 01:02:32,130
Where is the proof, that you
arrived from the cosmos,
and not sold the violin...
584
01:02:32,130 --> 01:02:35,770
...and spent all that time
in a disco in Gagry?
585
01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:38,900
This is a Plukanian mineral.
586
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:41,920
This is a chatl.
587
01:02:43,390 --> 01:02:44,690
This is a tsak.
588
01:02:44,690 --> 01:02:52,060
A screwnut and a sample of sand
are appended...
589
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
...to the report I handed in
to the Dean’s secretary...
590
01:02:52,060 --> 01:02:53,250
...so that it could be sent
to UNESCO.
- Where?!
591
01:02:53,660 --> 01:02:55,250
- UNESCO.
- Look, Gedevan Alexandrovich...
592
01:02:57,490 --> 01:03:05,400
You had studied for half a term
and then disappeared for years!
593
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And now you're trying
to explain yourself...
594
01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:14,730
...with some pebble, some piece
of old Georgian ceramics, and
a fisher's bell!
595
01:03:14,740 --> 01:03:20,870
And you dare to insist...
By the way,
if you have musical talent,
596
01:03:20,870 --> 01:03:25,000
then why weren't you
in our students' orchestra?!
597
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:30,350
Excuse me, Fiddler,
but it’s an elementary koo!
Part 1: kdd1.sub
Part 2: kdd2.sub
Subtitles in SubRip (.srt) format
Part 1: kin-dza-dza-1.srt
Part 2: kin-dza-dza-2.srt
***
1
00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:03,479
Subtitles: kin-dza-dza.org.ru
Based on the subtitles by
SadGeezer & NewKate
2
00:00:03,599 --> 00:00:06,017
Subtitles: kin-dza-dza.org.ru
Editor in chief:
Durtz
3
00:00:06,137 --> 00:00:08,589
Subtitles: kin-dza-dza.org.ru
Translators: Nightingale, JD,
Karabister, Cactus of Alpha
4
00:00:09,037 --> 00:00:11,943
The Creative Union
of Comedy and Musical Films
5
00:00:13,692 --> 00:00:15,489
presents
6
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:23,821
Kin-Dza-Dza!
7
00:00:25,179 --> 00:00:27,797
Stanislav LYUBSHIN
as Mashkov
8
00:00:28,450 --> 00:00:31,000
Evgeni LEONOV
as Wef
9
00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,229
Yuri YAKOVLEV
as Bee
10
00:00:34,943 --> 00:00:37,425
and introducing
Levan GABRIADZE
as Gedevan
11
00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:43,002
Screenplay
Revaz GABRIADZE
Georgi DANELIA
12
00:00:43,581 --> 00:00:47,839
Director
Georgi DANELIA
13
00:00:48,411 --> 00:00:52,717
Cinematography
Pavel LEBESHEV
14
00:00:53,232 --> 00:00:58,270
Production Design
Alexander SAMULEKIN
Theodor TEZHIK
15
00:00:58,835 --> 00:01:02,698
Original Music
Gia KANCHELI
16
00:01:03,119 --> 00:01:06,881
Sound
Yekaterina POPOVA-EVANS
17
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:11,708
Assistant Director &
Special Effects Supervisor
Sergei KHRAMTSOV
18
00:01:12,284 --> 00:01:16,126
Second Unit Directors:
Leonid BITZ
Karen GEVORKIAN
19
00:01:16,841 --> 00:01:20,341
Co-starring:
Anatoli SIRENKO
as the Barefoot Wanderer
20
00:01:21,225 --> 00:01:24,692
Irina SHMELYOVA
as Tsan, the cart driver
21
00:01:25,644 --> 00:01:29,146
Galina DANELIA-YURKOVA
as Mashkov's wife
22
00:01:30,097 --> 00:01:33,633
Alexander LITOVKIN
as Gor, the gang leader
23
00:01:34,653 --> 00:01:38,222
Lev PERFILOV
as Kyrr, the dissident
24
00:01:39,257 --> 00:01:42,759
Tatiana NOVITSKAYA
as Lady Tinai
25
00:01:43,711 --> 00:01:47,246
Special Appearance of
Olga MASHNAYA
as Ms Dekont
26
00:01:48,164 --> 00:01:51,733
...and Georgi DANELIA
as Abradox
27
00:01:52,651 --> 00:01:56,208
Thanks to all members
of kin-dza-dza.org.ru
community,
28
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,792
especially
Andy Hurwitz, Vitaly Koissin...
...and Google
29
00:01:59,302 --> 00:02:00,764
KIN-DZA-DZA!
Part One
30
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:09,662
Hi
31
00:02:10,134 --> 00:02:11,233
Hi
32
00:02:12,645 --> 00:02:13,830
(Lucy: )
What's new?
33
00:02:14,181 --> 00:02:17,375
(Mashkov: )
Manokhin's had pipes burst
at his building site
34
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,538
(song on TV: )
"...Mama, mama,
what shall I do?"
35
00:02:37,830 --> 00:02:40,147
"How will I manage
when winter comes?"
36
00:02:40,474 --> 00:02:42,620
"I have got
no winter coat."
37
00:02:42,991 --> 00:02:45,350
"I have got
no winter hat..."
38
00:02:51,328 --> 00:02:53,328
(Mashkov: )
How's our A-student?
39
00:02:53,946 --> 00:02:55,457
(Lucy: )
He's out playing...
40
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:59,720
Vova, I forgot to buy bread.
Could you...?
41
00:03:02,586 --> 00:03:04,758
And get some macaroni, OK?
42
00:03:19,277 --> 00:03:20,196
Comrade,
43
00:03:20,316 --> 00:03:22,307
that man says
he's from another planet...
44
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,938
we have to do something!
45
00:03:24,187 --> 00:03:25,561
- Call the ambulance.
46
00:03:25,822 --> 00:03:29,239
- I will... but he's almost barefoot -
he'll catch a cold.
47
00:03:33,597 --> 00:03:35,253
- Hello!
- Hello.
48
00:03:35,837 --> 00:03:37,966
Excuse my bad smell.
49
00:03:38,178 --> 00:03:40,616
I'm cold.
I got this from that metal box.
50
00:03:40,822 --> 00:03:41,698
Well done.
51
00:03:41,818 --> 00:03:42,874
Friend!
52
00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:45,859
Can you tell me your planet number
in the Tenture?
53
00:03:45,979 --> 00:03:48,631
Or at least your galaxy number
in the Spiral?
54
00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:52,617
I've got the contacts mixed up
and now I can't get home.
55
00:03:52,949 --> 00:03:54,452
We don't know the number,
my friend.
56
00:03:54,698 --> 00:03:56,106
We forgot it.
57
00:03:56,773 --> 00:03:59,389
Now, this lad will call
the information office,
58
00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:02,636
and we'll wait for him together
in the bakery, OK?
59
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,481
Here, put this on.
60
00:04:04,707 --> 00:04:05,934
Thank you...
61
00:04:06,269 --> 00:04:08,003
Listen, friends.
62
00:04:08,355 --> 00:04:11,778
There's no need for the bakery,
no need for information.
63
00:04:12,105 --> 00:04:13,581
This is my planet...
64
00:04:14,795 --> 00:04:19,676
Uzm, 247 in the Tenture,
Beta galaxy in the Spiral.
65
00:04:20,182 --> 00:04:23,813
This is my space transfer machine...
66
00:04:24,179 --> 00:04:28,007
So, which contact do I press
to transfer home?
67
00:04:28,303 --> 00:04:31,101
Because time is relative -
that you understand, right?
68
00:04:31,427 --> 00:04:32,749
OK, I have a proposition.
69
00:04:32,869 --> 00:04:34,972
We'll just press a contact...
70
00:04:35,461 --> 00:04:37,317
...and transfer to your place.
71
00:04:37,437 --> 00:04:40,009
But if the machine doesn't work,
72
00:04:40,267 --> 00:04:44,370
then you transfer with us
to where we transfer you, OK?
73
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,681
No, you can't just press it!..
You have to know...
74
00:04:47,801 --> 00:04:50,453
Sure I can, my friend.
75
00:05:08,097 --> 00:05:10,219
And YOU... what can you see?
Eh?
76
00:05:10,339 --> 00:05:11,655
(Gedevan: )
Sand...
77
00:05:11,775 --> 00:05:14,827
So that stupid gadget worked...
78
00:05:18,162 --> 00:05:22,596
And that jerk with the holes,
was he left behind?
79
00:05:24,436 --> 00:05:26,965
Calm down... calm down...
80
00:05:29,303 --> 00:05:33,042
There's the sun, there's sand,
there's gravity.
81
00:05:33,162 --> 00:05:37,022
So where are we?
We're on Earth. Or...
82
00:05:37,142 --> 00:05:37,871
(Gedevan: )
Or?
83
00:05:37,991 --> 00:05:42,437
No, let's take it we're on Earth,
in some desert... Eh?
84
00:05:42,962 --> 00:05:47,068
The Karakum?
What other deserts do we have?
85
00:05:47,322 --> 00:05:48,575
(Gedevan: )
Gobi, Sahara...
86
00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:49,960
No, I said WE have!
87
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,588
We have also the Kyzyl-Kum.
88
00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:58,237
No. Let's take it that it's
the Karakum.
89
00:05:59,978 --> 00:06:01,637
OK?
So that means...
90
00:06:02,097 --> 00:06:05,737
The sun's to the west...
so, Ashkhabad is this way.
91
00:06:06,164 --> 00:06:08,765
Got it?
Let's go!
92
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,560
Come on... let's go!
93
00:06:42,552 --> 00:06:44,020
Comrade,
94
00:06:44,561 --> 00:06:46,878
what's your name?
95
00:06:46,998 --> 00:06:48,964
Vladimir Nikolaevich.
96
00:06:49,814 --> 00:06:51,616
My name is Gedevan.
97
00:06:51,882 --> 00:06:54,243
Pleased to meet you...
98
00:07:10,037 --> 00:07:13,453
You have a bottle in your case,
is it wine?
99
00:07:14,176 --> 00:07:17,493
No, it's vinegar.
100
00:07:20,949 --> 00:07:24,483
I also have some herbs -
kindza.
('coriander' in Georgian)
101
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:26,894
Oh... We're all set then.
102
00:07:31,894 --> 00:07:33,384
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
103
00:07:33,504 --> 00:07:35,929
do you remember
the number he mentioned,
104
00:07:36,049 --> 00:07:38,595
the guy who took my sock?
105
00:07:38,715 --> 00:07:39,416
No.
106
00:07:40,763 --> 00:07:44,540
Maybe we're on the planet
he came from?
107
00:07:44,742 --> 00:07:46,319
Listen, Fiddler!
108
00:07:47,028 --> 00:07:49,842
Whatever we guess,
it won’t change a damn thing!
109
00:07:49,962 --> 00:07:52,872
The direction is chosen.
Just go!
110
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:57,430
The key is to get to the water.
Got it?
111
00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:03,967
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
I want to change into slippers.
112
00:08:04,087 --> 00:08:05,708
Well, do it!
113
00:08:05,828 --> 00:08:07,444
Then WAIT!
114
00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:17,519
What's the time?
115
00:08:17,639 --> 00:08:18,932
Four.
116
00:08:19,359 --> 00:08:20,574
In the morning?
117
00:08:20,924 --> 00:08:22,381
Yes...
118
00:08:28,228 --> 00:08:29,936
(Mashkov: )
Getting late?
119
00:08:31,085 --> 00:08:33,998
It's quite awkward...
I phoned from the airport,
120
00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:35,218
said I'd be in an hour...
121
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:36,940
and here we are...
122
00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,274
You study music?
123
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:43,599
(Gedevan: )
No, it's not mine.
Professor Rogozin’s one.
124
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:48,523
He gave a concert in my hometown.
After, they forgot to put
125
00:08:48,643 --> 00:08:49,914
the violin on the plane.
126
00:08:50,506 --> 00:08:51,546
A banquet?
127
00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:52,784
No, just a dinner...
128
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:55,469
Aha.
Are you from Tbilisi?
129
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,037
(Gedevan: )
No, Batumi.
130
00:08:58,590 --> 00:09:01,974
I thought I'd return the violin,
and still have time to catch the train.
131
00:09:02,094 --> 00:09:04,930
I study in Textile Institute in Ivanovo.
132
00:09:05,324 --> 00:09:06,178
Aha...
133
00:09:06,298 --> 00:09:10,377
First, I wanted to study in MGIMO,
the institute of international relations,
134
00:09:10,596 --> 00:09:12,392
but they said...
135
00:09:12,705 --> 00:09:13,745
Quiet!...
136
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:17,444
- Koo!
- A man...
137
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,636
Koo!
138
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,191
- Koo.
- Hello...
- Koo!
139
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,837
- Koo!
140
00:10:39,287 --> 00:10:43,100
It's a capitalist country.
141
00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:56,356
(Two men are singing: )
Koo! Koo! Koo! Wuuuu!!!
142
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,670
Gedevan! Do you speak
any foreign languages?
143
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,727
English. A little French.
144
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:10,330
Tell them we have no money...
145
00:11:11,407 --> 00:11:14,280
Tell them!
They want to be paid!
146
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:21,216
(Gedevan - in English: )
Gentlemen, sorry!
We haven't money... now!
147
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,889
- Koo?!
148
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:43,591
Hello! We are Soviet tourists.
We lost our group.
149
00:11:43,747 --> 00:11:49,470
Pick us up to the nearest city,
and then we'll manage by ourselves...
...Translate, Fiddler.
150
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:54,202
(Gedevan - in English: )
Do you speak English?
(The stranger: ) – Koo?
151
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,100
- Parlez-francais?
- Koo...
152
00:11:57,700 --> 00:12:05,001
Hi! Do you speak English?
Parlez-francais?
153
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:09,004
...Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
154
00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:11,198
- Koo!
155
00:12:16,567 --> 00:12:19,101
Chatl!
156
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:27,310
No money. We left passports and
currency with the tour guide.
157
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:33,330
It just so happened...
We walked away for a moment...
and got lost in the sands.
158
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:43,980
- Grr... Kyoo.
159
00:12:47,077 --> 00:12:51,238
- Take it. It's warm.
- Koo!
160
00:12:51,887 --> 00:12:54,166
Pardon, what?
161
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:59,835
- Koo!
- You want my hat? OK.
162
00:13:07,127 --> 00:13:12,450
I'm sorry, it's not mine,
I can't give it away...
163
00:13:15,207 --> 00:13:18,680
(Gedevan: )
There's nothing in there.
164
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,370
(Mashkov: )
Open it.
165
00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:31,817
(Gedevan: )
It's not wine, it's vinegar.
(The stranger: ) – Koo!
166
00:13:37,286 --> 00:13:40,950
- Sour, right?
- Kyoo... Weeeh...
167
00:13:49,047 --> 00:13:54,430
Well, friend, so that's settled?
You’ll give us a lift?..
168
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,760
Fiddler, hurry up!..
169
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:06,090
As I said, just to the nearest city!
Once there,
we'll easily find the way!
170
00:14:06,232 --> 00:14:11,275
- Koo!
- The jacket now...
You want it too?
171
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,110
(Mashkov: )
- Bastards!
172
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:32,230
(Gedevan: )
- Glad I didn't give them the violin.
173
00:14:51,227 --> 00:14:54,420
(Gedevan: )
Looks like they're ashamed!
174
00:15:09,247 --> 00:15:13,035
Ketse! Ketse!!
175
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,610
- What does it mean, 'ketse'?
- Ketse!
176
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:23,757
He seems to want a match.
177
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:27,631
- You want a match?
- Ketse!
178
00:15:30,047 --> 00:15:32,940
Here. It’s yours.
179
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:51,240
- Koo!
- The whole box?
- Koo!
180
00:15:51,987 --> 00:15:56,670
Take us away from here,
and we'll give you 'koo'.
181
00:17:11,787 --> 00:17:19,002
Not a single letter,
not a single 'made in' label...
182
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:28,654
- Koo!
- Sorry, I don't understand...
183
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,196
- Sprechen Sie Turkisch?
- Kyoo!
184
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:45,360
- Koo.
- What do they want?
185
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:50,020
KOO they want!
186
00:18:03,867 --> 00:18:06,002
Tsak!
187
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,110
Thank you...
188
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:18,630
- Tsak!
- He wants me
to put the bell on.
189
00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:22,950
(Mashkov: )
- Not on his life!
190
00:18:23,184 --> 00:18:29,730
- Tsak! Tsak...
- I'll do it, Vladimir Nikolaevich,
if it makes him happy...
191
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:33,200
Go ahead!
Do what you want.
192
00:18:43,820 --> 00:19:03,598
- Tsak! Tsak... tsak...
- OK, you pushed it enough.
193
00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:16,255
Ding, ding.
194
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,073
Koo.
195
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,235
Koo!
196
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,149
- Koo!
- Koo!
197
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,437
Koo.
198
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:40,860
I'll just have a cigarette,
if that's all right with you...
199
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,077
- Ketse!!!
- Calm down, calm down!
- Ketse... Woe...
200
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,277
Real ketse!
201
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:40,380
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
maybe we're really on...
202
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:44,710
Yeah right!
They’re typical Martians.
203
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,432
Kyoo!
204
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:12,880
(The tall stranger: )
Lucy darling,
damn you with your... macaroni.
205
00:22:21,447 --> 00:22:29,240
So... You speak Russian do you?
Why was it necessary to conceal it?
206
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:36,030
Well, we didn't.
It's hard to penetrate your language,
when your thoughts are bilingual.
207
00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:41,150
And this Patsak is always talkin'
in languages, the rest of which
he doesn't know!
208
00:22:41,230 --> 00:22:44,470
Why are you starin' at me,
maimuna verishvilo?!
209
00:22:45,170 --> 00:22:47,000
They speak Georgian too...
210
00:22:47,060 --> 00:22:48,710
What did he say?
211
00:22:48,810 --> 00:22:50,240
Monkey son of a donkey.
---
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:55,610
Alright.
We're from the Soviet Union,
here on a cultural exchange.
184
00:22:55,610 --> 00:22:58,040
Our compatriots know
where we are.
They're looking for us.
185
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:04,880
If you're not going to let us contact
our embassy, you'll be in big trouble,
is that clear?
186
00:23:09,370 --> 00:23:12,900
We don't understand ‘embassy’.
Put the tsak back!
187
00:23:13,610 --> 00:23:21,290
You understand macaroni,
you understand maimuna,
yet you don’t know...
188
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,660
...what's an embassy?!
Quit messing with us!
Got it?
189
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:33,850
You thought about macaroni
and I just repeated it. It's not
Earth, not Africa, my friend.
190
00:23:33,850 --> 00:23:43,460
It's the planet Pluke, 215
in the Tenture. The Kin Dza Dza
galaxy in the Spiral. Got it?
191
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:49,550
Congrats... here we are.
192
00:23:51,550 --> 00:23:57,270
Put the bell on, my friend...
Put it on.
193
00:24:00,820 --> 00:24:04,890
Good boy, well done.
194
00:24:33,150 --> 00:24:34,910
Excuse me,
where have we landed?
195
00:24:34,910 --> 00:24:40,470
Sh! She has very sharp ears.
Do you know the tenture
of your planet?
196
00:24:40,470 --> 00:24:41,420
Tenture?
197
00:24:41,420 --> 00:24:45,480
Well, tell us your galaxy number
in the Spiral.
198
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:46,310
In... what?
In the spiral?
199
00:24:46,310 --> 00:24:47,730
Yes, in the Spiral...
in the Spiral...
200
00:24:47,730 --> 00:24:48,140
Er... The Earth is... er...
201
00:24:48,140 --> 00:24:55,760
It orbits with such planets as er...
Venus, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter...
202
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,700
What else, Vladimir Nikolaevich?
203
00:24:57,700 --> 00:24:59,290
Ursa Major.
204
00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:01,650
Vladimir Nikolaevich, come here.
205
00:25:07,620 --> 00:25:10,620
Do you have more matches
on your planet?
206
00:25:10,620 --> 00:25:12,380
Well, I'll try an' get some.
207
00:25:12,380 --> 00:25:15,400
How many will you give us
if we PUT you back there?
208
00:25:16,580 --> 00:25:18,170
How many do you want?
209
00:25:18,170 --> 00:25:20,420
Two boxes like that!!
210
00:25:20,420 --> 00:25:21,600
Seven!
211
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,120
Yes! Seven!
212
00:25:23,710 --> 00:25:28,790
And this box...
Give it to me now!
I'll buy a gravitsapa.
213
00:25:28,790 --> 00:25:30,920
Excuse me,
what is a gravitsapa?
214
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:35,990
Without a gravitsapa a pepelats
can only fly like this,
215
00:25:35,990 --> 00:25:41,430
but with it you can reach
any point in the universe -
in 5 seconds.
216
00:25:41,430 --> 00:25:47,100
Hey, you've taken a pepelats out
of the garage without a gravitsapa?!
It's no good!
217
00:25:47,100 --> 00:25:50,150
We had a gravitsapa. But when
we came here, it got pinched.
218
00:25:50,150 --> 00:25:51,330
Aha.
219
00:25:51,330 --> 00:25:53,290
Excuse me, do you have
a space transfer machine?
220
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:53,760
No.
221
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:54,470
No, we have none.
222
00:25:54,940 --> 00:25:56,650
Give me the matches.
223
00:25:57,010 --> 00:25:58,780
Give us some water.
224
00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:26,560
Like this! You must do this!
You must do this!
Do this...
225
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:30,280
This is yours,
this is how you smoke now.
226
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,280
Thank you.
227
00:26:36,430 --> 00:26:41,380
- Koo! Koo!
- He said they have a gravitsapa.
Put your matches here.
228
00:26:41,610 --> 00:26:46,580
I have a proposition.
When you PUT us on the Earth,
you'll get this and this.
229
00:26:46,580 --> 00:26:47,700
That's all.
- What??
230
00:26:47,700 --> 00:26:50,520
Come on, Fiddler,
to the outer space.
231
00:26:51,180 --> 00:26:58,250
Wait! Come back.
Give it to me!
232
00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:00,730
On Mother Earth you'll get them.
233
00:27:00,730 --> 00:27:06,330
Vladimir Nikolaevich! You said
if we take you, you'd give us
all of it!
234
00:27:06,330 --> 00:27:11,580
But then you stole this match from us!
Patsak won't cheat on Patsak.
It's not nice, my friend...
235
00:27:11,580 --> 00:27:13,540
I said - take us to the city!
236
00:27:13,540 --> 00:27:14,840
And what's this?
237
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:15,840
A barn!
238
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:24,400
And this? And this?
What's this here - not a city?!
239
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:31,650
Stop pissin' about!
Let's see that gravitsapa.
If it's major brand, we'll take it.
240
00:27:32,590 --> 00:27:42,380
What bonehead would take smuggled
ketse in front of witnesses?! You'll get
life-long ecikh with nails for it!
241
00:27:42,380 --> 00:27:45,030
Stupid Patsak!
Wha'd'you have in your head,
brain or kyoo?
242
00:27:47,110 --> 00:27:49,350
We'll buy it ourselves.
Let's go, Fiddler.
243
00:27:51,130 --> 00:27:54,770
Stop! Stop I said!
244
00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:06,290
Who are you?
I asked who are you?!
245
00:28:07,410 --> 00:28:08,700
An alien foreman.
246
00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:11,710
No. You're Patsak!
And who are you?
247
00:28:11,710 --> 00:28:13,020
I'm Georgian.
248
00:28:13,020 --> 00:28:18,870
No, You're Patsak, too!
You're Patsak, you're Patsak
and he's also Patsak!
249
00:28:18,870 --> 00:28:22,100
But I'm Chatlanian!
And they are Chatlanian too!
250
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:26,350
So you put your tsak on
and sit in pepelats, got it?
251
00:28:26,710 --> 00:28:28,050
What?
252
00:28:28,050 --> 00:28:34,840
Watch, my friend... When I point
this visator at myself, which signal
registers? Green.
253
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:41,400
Now at him, watch - green, too.
And at you... Green.
254
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:46,110
Now look at Wef - which colour?
Orange?
255
00:28:46,110 --> 00:28:50,720
Because he is Chatlanian!
Well, do you understand?
256
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:51,720
So what?
257
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:56,800
Pluke is a Chatlanian planet.
Therefore we Patsaks must
wear tsak...
258
00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:01,930
Yes! And in front of us Chatlanians
you must do like this!
259
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,710
Vladimir Nikolaevich,
it's an unbridled racism.
260
00:29:06,060 --> 00:29:07,960
Come again, please.
261
00:29:08,550 --> 00:29:09,670
Like this!
262
00:29:09,670 --> 00:29:11,540
A bit slower, could you?
263
00:29:11,540 --> 00:29:13,380
Like this.
264
00:29:14,740 --> 00:29:23,300
V.N., you have a wife at home,
a son struggling for a C average,
a cooperative flat you haven't paid for,
265
00:29:23,300 --> 00:29:30,370
and now you're messing around.
You'll come to no good, my friend.
266
00:29:35,220 --> 00:29:37,740
Alright, Fiddler,
let's play their games...
267
00:29:37,740 --> 00:29:39,160
There we are, well done.
268
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,820
Now give a match to Wef,
he'll buy the gravitsapa.
269
00:29:42,820 --> 00:29:44,710
He said he needed them all.
270
00:29:44,710 --> 00:29:46,840
I was joking.
271
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,830
Very funny.
272
00:29:51,260 --> 00:29:54,390
Koo. Wait.
We'll go together...
273
00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:02,710
Don't show 'em your ketse,
and don't think about it.
274
00:30:02,710 --> 00:30:05,880
Just show 'em mine.
And don't give 'em more
than half a match.
275
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,070
Gravitsapa costs half a match.
276
00:30:09,250 --> 00:30:11,970
Your Patsak said a whole match.
277
00:30:13,210 --> 00:30:15,390
He was joking, too.
278
00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:34,100
Concrete mark 300?
279
00:30:36,930 --> 00:30:40,650
Patsak!
Remember - half or less.
280
00:30:40,650 --> 00:30:41,830
OK.
281
00:30:41,830 --> 00:30:44,840
Excuse me...
Chatlanian and Patsak -
is it nationality?
282
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,840
No.
283
00:30:47,140 --> 00:30:48,620
Biological factor?
284
00:30:48,620 --> 00:30:49,620
No.
285
00:30:49,620 --> 00:30:51,220
From different planets?
286
00:30:51,220 --> 00:30:52,390
No.
287
00:30:52,390 --> 00:30:54,740
So what distinguishes
one from another?
288
00:30:54,740 --> 00:30:59,290
Are you colour-blind, Fiddler?
289
00:30:59,290 --> 00:31:01,300
Can't you tell green from orange?..
Tourist!
290
00:31:07,250 --> 00:31:09,250
Wow!
291
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:12,970
Skyscraper!
292
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,290
Come on!
293
00:31:28,340 --> 00:31:30,270
Koo!
Vova, do as I taught!
294
00:31:30,570 --> 00:31:35,820
Hi, citizen.
You don't feel cold
in the coat, do you?
295
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:51,340
They won’t let me in.
They want you alone.
Don't give 'em ketse,
296
00:31:51,340 --> 00:31:53,930
bring the gravitsapa here,
I'll check it.
297
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,180
Enter!
298
00:32:00,420 --> 00:32:01,840
Not you!
299
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:02,960
We're together!
300
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,200
Not you!
301
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,860
Vladimir Nikolaevich, tell him!
302
00:32:06,860 --> 00:32:08,860
It's alright.
303
00:32:09,570 --> 00:32:11,390
Wait here.
304
00:32:18,140 --> 00:32:20,490
But don't leave!
305
00:32:39,310 --> 00:32:41,140
Hi!
306
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,330
How are things?
307
00:32:49,700 --> 00:32:55,310
You want me to squat...
well, just out of respect
for the ladies present...
308
00:32:58,370 --> 00:33:01,150
Well what's new... on Pluke?
309
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,330
Gimme ketse,
you'll get a gravitsapa.
310
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,800
A half!
311
00:33:20,670 --> 00:33:22,680
Yeah, a half.
312
00:33:23,510 --> 00:33:25,330
May I have a look?
313
00:33:25,330 --> 00:33:27,330
Sure.
314
00:33:38,790 --> 00:33:46,580
Actually, I am not an expert
in these gravitsapas... So let's go
and show it to my Chatlanian...
315
00:33:46,580 --> 00:33:49,660
- He'll check it, OK?
- Jus’ a moment while we
install the tsapa.
316
00:34:07,470 --> 00:34:09,590
Sore throat?
317
00:34:14,370 --> 00:34:15,780
It’s water...
318
00:34:15,780 --> 00:34:24,580
I have a proposition.
I'll give you the rest of this ketse
for two bottles of water.
319
00:34:24,580 --> 00:34:26,580
- Agreed?
- OK.
320
00:34:37,910 --> 00:34:39,810
Do you have food?
321
00:34:39,810 --> 00:34:41,630
Kasha...
322
00:34:41,630 --> 00:34:43,640
What kind?
323
00:34:44,530 --> 00:34:46,770
Plastic.
324
00:34:52,500 --> 00:35:03,580
I’ll give you this whole ketse
for five bottles of water
and a kilo of kasha.
325
00:35:07,530 --> 00:35:08,710
What’s this?
326
00:35:08,710 --> 00:35:10,360
Ketse.
327
00:35:11,370 --> 00:35:12,790
We have to check it again.
328
00:35:12,790 --> 00:35:14,790
- Well, check it.
- Koo!
329
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,620
Hey, where are you going?
330
00:35:36,740 --> 00:35:38,520
Wait man...
331
00:36:06,020 --> 00:36:11,150
Fiddler! Can you obtain more
matches on Earth?
332
00:36:12,030 --> 00:36:14,210
I can.
333
00:36:17,050 --> 00:36:22,950
If you can spit further than me,
I'll give you half a chatl.
This is a Spitta.
334
00:36:22,950 --> 00:36:27,730
And if I can OVERSPIT you,
you’ll give me two matches....
335
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:38,580
Understood?
336
00:36:38,580 --> 00:36:39,290
No.
337
00:36:39,290 --> 00:36:44,960
It's just a simple game.
I bet half a chatl,
you bet 3 matches.
338
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,310
Come on, spit, sonnie!
339
00:36:46,310 --> 00:36:48,300
Thank you, I'd rather not.
340
00:36:49,260 --> 00:36:57,470
OK, you bet one match,
I bet 3 chatls an’ Yellow Pants,
and I’ll give you...
341
00:36:57,470 --> 00:36:59,060
...a head-start LIKE THIS!
Come on!
- No!
342
00:36:59,060 --> 00:37:00,360
Well, Blue Pants!
343
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:03,190
Mr Uef, I will not enter
on аny terms and conditions.
344
00:37:03,190 --> 00:37:11,870
Is that CRUELLY FINAL?
So why are you pissin’ about,
maimuna verishvilo?!
345
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:20,720
Mr Wef! I represent a civilized planet,
and I insist that you watch
your language! Yeah!
346
00:37:48,630 --> 00:37:50,690
Where are they?
347
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:52,040
Who?
348
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:56,120
That one, with a scar!
I'm such a bonehead!
I gave him all the matches!
349
00:39:06,460 --> 00:39:08,810
- Kyoo... Woe...
- Stop it, men. Enough!
350
00:39:10,110 --> 00:39:15,610
Enough? Enough?!
I told him a thousand times
we should go to the Centre!
351
00:39:15,610 --> 00:39:20,740
But he's greedy like all Chatlanians!
He wanted to save 2 chatls!
Кyoo!
352
00:39:22,210 --> 00:39:24,860
Well, I have another one.
353
00:39:28,530 --> 00:39:31,430
As I understand it,
enough for a gravitsapa.
354
00:39:32,070 --> 00:39:34,310
Give it to me. Now.
355
00:39:34,310 --> 00:39:35,370
Why?
356
00:39:35,370 --> 00:39:37,500
To buy a gravitsapa, duh!
357
00:39:39,330 --> 00:39:40,800
Where?
358
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,350
There, in the Centre.
359
00:39:43,350 --> 00:39:50,760
How will you get us to Earth,
when you don't even know
in which galaxy she orbits?
360
00:39:51,410 --> 00:39:56,380
You bonehead! Any planetarium
in the Centre will give out
your planet number for 2 chatls!
361
00:39:57,540 --> 00:39:59,740
Give me the match, OK?
362
00:40:00,210 --> 00:40:02,390
Bah! So you could bury us
in the sand?!
363
00:40:02,390 --> 00:40:03,990
So you won't give it?
364
00:40:03,990 --> 00:40:05,110
No.
365
00:40:05,110 --> 00:40:07,700
Is that cruelly final?
366
00:40:07,700 --> 00:40:10,120
Most cruelly.
367
00:40:14,540 --> 00:40:17,680
Then goodbye, my friend.
368
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,400
They're going away,
Vladimir Nikolaevich.
369
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,950
Like hell!
They'll hang themselves
for a match!
370
00:40:37,150 --> 00:40:45,820
Either you give us the match now,
or we won't PUT you on Earth
for less than 7 boxes!
371
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,080
OK, 2 000.
372
00:40:53,610 --> 00:40:55,500
No! 3 000!
373
00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:57,560
Well, 2 300.
374
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,340
3 000, I say!
375
00:41:08,010 --> 00:41:10,490
2 500,
I can't give you more.
376
00:41:10,610 --> 00:41:13,030
Yes, you can, my friend.
377
00:41:13,210 --> 00:41:15,270
Mr Bee,
378
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:24,180
I have 50 roubles,
matches cost 2 kopecks per box,
379
00:41:24,180 --> 00:41:27,540
so I can buy 2 500,
it's maximum...
380
00:41:27,540 --> 00:41:31,790
Fiddler, don’t bullshit!
You have more Russian chatls.
381
00:41:35,970 --> 00:41:41,690
Mr Wef! Don’t call me Fiddler!
My name is Gedevan Alexandrovich!
382
00:41:50,380 --> 00:41:52,200
What's that, an engine?
383
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,570
Don't poke your nose
in every hole!
384
00:41:54,570 --> 00:41:56,810
...Gedevan Alexandrovich...
385
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:06,070
Gedevan, let's tie up these rogues
and take a course to the North.
386
00:42:06,660 --> 00:42:08,430
What for?
387
00:42:08,430 --> 00:42:11,270
What if the shores
of the Mediterranean are there?
388
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,410
Ha! Vladimir Nikolaevich,
are you nuts?
389
00:42:15,410 --> 00:42:21,880
Where did you get seas on Pluke?
Our seas have been made
into LUTZ long ago.
390
00:42:22,590 --> 00:42:25,780
Excuse me, into what?
391
00:42:25,780 --> 00:42:27,850
Into fuel, Fiddler. Into fuel...
392
00:42:30,740 --> 00:42:33,270
Now you owe us 6 140 boxes.
393
00:42:33,270 --> 00:42:35,690
Why so much?
394
00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:39,350
You ate kasha,
you drank water...
plus the bandura.
395
00:42:40,950 --> 00:42:44,950
No, cancel the bandura...
we don't want the bandura.
Put it back, Fiddler.
396
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:59,240
Uncle Vova, we need to bring back
a sample of technology. If not,
who will believe us?
397
00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:03,260
Well, give them the violin,
if you like that bandura so much.
398
00:43:05,380 --> 00:43:10,920
It's an 18th century Italian violin!
It’s worth 1000 roubles, if not more!
399
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,220
How would I ever pay it back?
400
00:43:15,580 --> 00:43:21,480
Fiddler, instead of thinking that
you're the first Georgian cosmonaut
and that you'd get a Nobel Prize,
401
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:29,390
give back the spoon
you stole from us poor artists.
402
00:43:30,870 --> 00:43:33,520
I wasn’t thinking anything
about cosmos or Nobel...
And I'm not a thief...
403
00:43:39,130 --> 00:43:43,850
I wanted to bring it to the
institute of non-ferrous metals,
it may prove something new...
404
00:43:44,970 --> 00:43:51,870
Heavens! The heavens never saw
such a disreputable Patsak
as you, Fiddler.
405
00:43:51,870 --> 00:43:54,820
I am deeply saddened.
406
00:44:00,070 --> 00:44:01,540
Where are you goin’?
407
00:44:01,540 --> 00:44:02,970
To the toilet.
408
00:44:02,970 --> 00:44:09,580
Money not allowed in the toilet!
Leave money here...
Gedevan Alexandrovich!
409
00:44:45,860 --> 00:44:48,170
Ketse is very expensive, my friend.
410
00:44:48,170 --> 00:44:50,400
- Why?
- Well now...
411
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:56,130
...on Earth, how do you determine
who should squat in front of whom
and how many times?
412
00:44:56,130 --> 00:44:58,970
Well, it's a guess-work.
413
00:44:59,500 --> 00:45:06,810
Barbarians!
Look man, I like you,
so I'll teach you.
414
00:45:06,980 --> 00:45:12,480
If I have a few ketse,
I have the right
to wear Yellow Pants.
415
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:18,840
So, Patsaks have to squat
in front of me
not once, but twice.
416
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:26,710
If I have a lot of ketse,
I have the right to wear
Crimson Pants.
417
00:45:26,710 --> 00:45:35,070
So, Patsaks have to squat in front
of me twice, and Chatlanians have
to koo to me!
418
00:45:35,070 --> 00:45:41,450
And an ecilop may not
beat me up at night!
Never!
419
00:45:43,510 --> 00:45:51,960
I have a proposition, my friend.
You give us the match now, and later
we'll bring you Yellow Pants, deal?
420
00:45:53,010 --> 00:45:55,660
Thanks, I already have a pair.
Fiddler maybe needs some...
421
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:59,620
Hey, Fiddler!
Aliens are peddlin' pants here!
422
00:46:00,450 --> 00:46:03,050
Yellow ones! Need any?
423
00:46:04,650 --> 00:46:06,340
There is no Fiddler, my friend.
424
00:46:06,340 --> 00:46:07,170
What?!
425
00:46:07,170 --> 00:46:08,710
I ejected him.
426
00:46:08,710 --> 00:46:14,970
But you needn't worry, V.N.
We have another catapult.
A new one.
427
00:46:14,970 --> 00:46:16,740
That old one
was broken anyway.
- I don't get it...
428
00:46:16,740 --> 00:46:20,160
I pressed the kappa
and he flew away.
429
00:46:20,570 --> 00:46:26,000
Fiddler isn't needed, my friend,
he's just a waste of fuel...
430
00:46:36,150 --> 00:46:38,570
Turn back!
431
00:46:38,570 --> 00:46:39,800
Impossible...
432
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,700
We’re out of lutz.
We need to fly
to the lutz station.
433
00:46:43,690 --> 00:46:47,770
Turn back!
Or I’ll burn this damned ketse!
434
00:46:49,780 --> 00:46:52,260
Gedevan!
435
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,980
Fiddler!
436
00:47:02,770 --> 00:47:04,950
Hey, Fiddler!
437
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,160
Where could he have gone?
438
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:21,810
You've been told.
The ecilops caught him.
439
00:47:22,460 --> 00:47:23,760
Well let's go, my friend.
440
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,540
You bastards!
You've really done it now!
441
00:47:30,030 --> 00:47:32,560
Call the ecilops on the radio!
442
00:47:33,150 --> 00:47:35,860
We have no radio.
We threw it away,
because of annoying Maydays!
443
00:47:36,450 --> 00:47:37,980
I’ll be back! I have to check!
444
00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:39,980
Ecilop!
445
00:47:48,730 --> 00:47:50,790
Put the tsak on, now!
446
00:47:52,690 --> 00:47:54,220
- Put the tsak on!
- Not on his life!
447
00:47:54,220 --> 00:47:56,050
Your ecilop will have
to do without!
448
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:12,800
Put it on, or he’ll tranklucate you!
You and the match!
449
00:49:07,210 --> 00:49:09,090
Hello. Listen, friend...
450
00:49:09,090 --> 00:49:12,580
...we lost a young lad around here,
did you see him?
451
00:49:14,820 --> 00:49:16,760
- Koo!
- What?
452
00:49:28,810 --> 00:49:33,580
Oh! Sorry, I forgot...
They said you picked him up.
453
00:50:13,540 --> 00:50:17,250
I told you Fiddler isn't needed!
But you weren’t listening!
454
00:50:17,250 --> 00:50:20,370
How will we buy lutz now?
How?!
455
00:50:26,270 --> 00:50:28,580
You're a damned bastard,
my friend...
456
00:50:28,580 --> 00:50:31,410
He's worse.
He's just a kyoo.
457
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:12,780
I have a proposition.
We find Fiddler, and then we’ll go
to the local government...
458
00:51:12,780 --> 00:51:15,130
Get me some sand, my friend...
459
00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:19,560
We tell to your governors
who we are, where we're from...
460
00:51:21,980 --> 00:51:30,300
They'll give us a gravitsapa,
and we'll organize
a mutually beneficial trade...
461
00:51:32,070 --> 00:51:36,900
Pluke to Earth: lots of yellow pants.
Earth to Pluke: as many ketse
as the Plukanians want.
462
00:51:37,550 --> 00:51:40,680
We ALREADY need a gravitsapa
to go to the government!
463
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,810
The governors live on another planet,
my friend.
464
00:52:29,420 --> 00:52:32,140
Uncle Vova! I'm here!
465
00:52:34,620 --> 00:52:36,330
I’m here!
466
00:52:51,190 --> 00:52:52,130
Fiddler!
467
00:52:52,130 --> 00:52:52,840
What?
468
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,210
Where is my thing...
what’s it called...?
469
00:52:55,210 --> 00:52:57,210
Tsak?
470
00:52:58,160 --> 00:52:59,750
Yeah. Where is it?
471
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:01,880
I have it.
472
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:02,940
So give it to me!
473
00:53:02,940 --> 00:53:03,990
Right here? Why?
474
00:53:03,990 --> 00:53:06,180
Well, just give it to me, I said!
475
00:53:09,900 --> 00:53:11,620
But there’s nobody here...
476
00:53:12,910 --> 00:53:14,090
Hey, that's mine.
477
00:53:14,090 --> 00:53:16,220
Alright, so keep it ready!
478
00:53:36,340 --> 00:53:38,400
Are you asleep?
479
00:53:39,180 --> 00:53:41,120
No.
480
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:43,290
Cheer up, Fiddler.
481
00:53:43,290 --> 00:53:46,830
If there is a gravitsapa
on Pluke, we'll get it.
482
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,210
It was happening to me
to get scarcer things...
483
00:53:54,500 --> 00:53:56,450
Ah! Quiet...
484
00:53:59,110 --> 00:54:01,590
- Hey! Missy! Wait! Wait!
- Koo?
485
00:54:02,890 --> 00:54:05,540
- Would you give us a lift
to the Centre?
486
00:54:05,540 --> 00:54:06,850
Patsak, stop.
487
00:54:06,850 --> 00:54:08,490
What?
488
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:13,750
Don't come any closer.
What do you want?
489
00:54:13,750 --> 00:54:15,520
Take us to the Centre!..
490
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,530
3 chatls.
491
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:21,350
No money!
But we'll work for it!
492
00:54:21,350 --> 00:54:23,250
And what can you do?
493
00:54:23,900 --> 00:54:26,200
Me? I can do everything!
494
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:27,080
Don’t brag! What exactly?
495
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:33,750
Vladimir Nikolaevich is a
builder site foreman!
He can build you a house!
496
00:54:33,750 --> 00:54:35,810
And what can YOU do?
497
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:37,750
Me?
498
00:54:38,300 --> 00:54:41,010
He can play violin!
499
00:54:42,130 --> 00:54:44,200
Play!
500
00:54:44,730 --> 00:54:45,900
Play.
501
00:54:45,900 --> 00:54:48,970
I can't!
502
00:54:48,970 --> 00:54:51,040
Bye, Patsaks.
503
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:55,350
Citizen! Wait! I can!
504
00:54:55,350 --> 00:54:57,350
Play!
505
00:54:57,350 --> 00:54:58,940
Here?
506
00:54:58,940 --> 00:55:01,130
Over there!
507
00:55:22,020 --> 00:55:25,490
Wait a minute, foreman...
I'll tune this up...
508
00:55:30,100 --> 00:55:32,340
Now, play.
509
00:55:35,420 --> 00:55:37,700
And sing.
510
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,440
Right, just a sec.
511
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:46,100
How does it go...
512
00:55:46,100 --> 00:55:51,400
(Mashkov sings: )
Mama, mama, what shall I do?..
513
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,700
Cool!
514
00:55:53,700 --> 00:55:54,950
What?
515
00:55:54,950 --> 00:55:56,600
I said, 'Cool!'
516
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:57,900
People like it.
517
00:55:57,900 --> 00:55:58,840
What?
518
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:00,850
PEOPLE LIKE IT!
519
00:56:21,370 --> 00:56:22,680
I can’t sing ‘wuuu’.
Let me be a drummer.
520
00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:23,330
- How’s that?
- Tam ta da da dam...
521
00:56:26,390 --> 00:56:28,220
Foreman!
522
00:56:28,630 --> 00:56:30,930
Fiddler isn't needed!
523
00:56:33,300 --> 00:56:37,370
It’s OK, he won’t be a bother.
Give us some water to drink,
will you?
524
00:56:37,370 --> 00:56:40,020
I said, after the performance.
525
00:56:40,020 --> 00:56:42,910
Miss, we could take it by force.
526
00:56:46,110 --> 00:56:48,830
Then you'd have to ask us.
527
00:56:48,830 --> 00:56:52,410
Oh! You touch me and an ecilop
will come right here and tear
your legs off.
528
00:56:52,410 --> 00:56:54,830
I don't give a damn
about your ecilop!
529
00:56:54,830 --> 00:56:57,960
Calm down, Fiddler.
Don't provoke the lady...
530
00:56:59,850 --> 00:57:02,090
Foreman!
531
00:57:13,190 --> 00:57:15,430
Look...
Wuu-wuu… Wuu-koo...
532
00:57:21,510 --> 00:57:23,990
Alright, I got it.
533
00:57:25,460 --> 00:57:30,120
Look, do you know anyone
with a gravitsapa and a pepelats?
534
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:31,650
Why?
535
00:57:31,650 --> 00:57:36,320
Well he could give us a lift to Earth,
and we'd give you both
a big crate of ketse...
536
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:42,160
I know that your people
don't trust words...
Well, read what I'm thinking...
537
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:48,360
That your wife is probably calling
all the city morgues.
538
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:51,600
No, what am I thinking exactly now?
539
00:57:52,190 --> 00:57:53,790
That you will really keep your promise.
540
00:57:53,790 --> 00:57:55,720
You see? It’s true.
541
00:57:57,140 --> 00:58:00,510
What idiot on Pluke thinks the truth?
542
00:58:01,690 --> 00:58:03,640
It's absurd!
543
00:58:04,170 --> 00:58:12,190
Precisely because you say what
you don't think and think what you
don't think, you do sit in cages.
544
00:58:12,190 --> 00:58:20,280
That’s the cause of all this bitter
cataclysm which I see here,
and V.N. sees too...
545
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:25,530
Patsaks have to perform in cages,
so come inside right now, you two!
Why put on lugs?
546
00:58:25,530 --> 00:58:28,430
Doesn't matter, my dear,
we will sing beside the cage.
547
00:58:28,430 --> 00:58:31,610
Get in! He saw us!
He’ll tranklucate us!
548
00:58:31,610 --> 00:58:33,200
We're not animals.
549
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:34,900
What???
550
00:58:36,550 --> 00:58:37,680
You SHALL come inside, I say!
You SHALL do it!
551
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:38,390
Hands off!
552
00:58:38,390 --> 00:58:39,160
You shall get in!
553
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:40,510
Stop it!
554
00:58:40,510 --> 00:58:42,160
Get in!
555
00:58:47,530 --> 00:58:50,190
Get in, or he’ll melt us down!
556
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:54,920
OK, get in Fiddler,
if she wants it that badly.
557
00:58:55,570 --> 00:58:57,570
Get in.
558
00:59:02,230 --> 00:59:06,540
One two three...
559
00:59:06,540 --> 00:59:08,310
Dance!
560
00:59:08,610 --> 00:59:09,490
Dance... Wuu, koo, wuu…
561
00:59:09,490 --> 00:59:12,970
I'll tell you what...
Go find another band...
nunky!
562
00:59:14,620 --> 00:59:16,400
What???
563
00:59:27,010 --> 00:59:29,020
Don’t move! I'll be back.
564
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:37,460
We've got to get out of here.
Boys, push the cart, it's uphill.
565
00:59:37,570 --> 00:59:40,290
The pleasure is ours...
566
00:59:47,430 --> 00:59:49,030
Accelerate!
567
00:59:49,030 --> 00:59:51,380
Bye, bastards!
568
01:00:11,090 --> 01:00:13,980
What??? Oooh...
I will tell everybody...
569
01:00:13,980 --> 01:00:19,940
...where this buffoon PJ
has led the planet!
570
01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:26,320
Patsaks are walking
all over Chatlanians!
Kyoo!
571
01:00:33,810 --> 01:00:37,120
Everything in place?
572
01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:39,540
She stole the cologne.
573
01:00:40,470 --> 01:00:42,250
Women!..
574
01:00:47,860 --> 01:00:52,760
Let me...
Hey! What do you
have in there... lead?
575
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,110
Let me, uncle Vova.
576
01:01:31,700 --> 01:01:35,650
I don't even know
which way to look.
577
01:01:35,650 --> 01:01:38,020
Where's the Earth?
578
01:01:54,650 --> 01:02:02,550
Galina Borisovna! Comrade Mashkov
and I, as Patsaks, could receive 2 chatls
for a performance - it's maximum.
579
01:02:02,550 --> 01:02:07,570
Water, lutz and bribes to
ecilops – at least 1 chatl a day.
580
01:02:07,570 --> 01:02:12,530
And a gravitsapa costs half a ketse!
That's 2 200 chatls!
581
01:02:12,530 --> 01:02:21,090
Divide by 365, minus weekends...
we get 6. And that's for those 6 years
when I had no way of returning!
582
01:02:21,910 --> 01:02:25,630
That's all very well,
Gedevan Alexandrovich,
but these are just words.
583
01:02:25,630 --> 01:02:32,130
Where is the proof, that you
arrived from the cosmos,
and not sold the violin...
584
01:02:32,130 --> 01:02:35,770
...and spent all that time
in a disco in Gagry?
585
01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:38,900
This is a Plukanian mineral.
586
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:41,920
This is a chatl.
587
01:02:43,390 --> 01:02:44,690
This is a tsak.
588
01:02:44,690 --> 01:02:52,060
A screwnut and a sample of sand
are appended...
589
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
...to the report I handed in
to the Dean’s secretary...
590
01:02:52,060 --> 01:02:53,250
...so that it could be sent
to UNESCO.
- Where?!
591
01:02:53,660 --> 01:02:55,250
- UNESCO.
- Look, Gedevan Alexandrovich...
592
01:02:57,490 --> 01:03:05,400
You had studied for half a term
and then disappeared for years!
593
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And now you're trying
to explain yourself...
594
01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:14,730
...with some pebble, some piece
of old Georgian ceramics, and
a fisher's bell!
595
01:03:14,740 --> 01:03:20,870
And you dare to insist...
By the way,
if you have musical talent,
596
01:03:20,870 --> 01:03:25,000
then why weren't you
in our students' orchestra?!
597
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:30,350
Excuse me, Fiddler,
but it’s an elementary koo!