1
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:27,843
Kin-Dza-Dza!
2
00:00:28,847 --> 00:00:38,324
PARTONE
Fansubbed by Newkate & SadGeezer
The SadGeezers Guide to Cult Sci Fi
www.sadgeezer.com
3
00:00:39,327 --> 00:01:55,319
See www.imdb.com
search 'Kin Dza Dza'
for full credit listing
4
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,235
Hi
5
00:02:13,327 --> 00:02:15,238
Hi
6
00:02:15,727 --> 00:02:17,607
How was your day?
7
00:02:17,607 --> 00:02:20,679
The pipes burst at
Manokhin's building site
8
00:02:36,007 --> 00:02:45,917
''Mother, mother, what will we do.
Mother, mother, how will we live. ''
9
00:02:53,927 --> 00:02:57,047
How's our A-student?
10
00:02:57,047 --> 00:02:59,247
He's out with friends
11
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:01,247
Vovka!
12
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,238
I forgot to buy bread,
could you nip out...
13
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:08,565
and buy some noodles?
14
00:03:22,527 --> 00:03:27,527
Comrade, that man says
he's an alien, we have
to do something
15
00:03:27,527 --> 00:03:29,527
Call the police
16
00:03:29,527 --> 00:03:33,725
I will, but he's barefoot,
he'll catch a cold
17
00:03:37,127 --> 00:03:38,087
Hello!
18
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:41,487
Hello.
I smell bad, I'm sorry
19
00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:44,607
It's cold. I got this
from that metal box
20
00:03:44,607 --> 00:03:45,527
Well done
21
00:03:45,527 --> 00:03:46,767
Friend!
22
00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:49,567
Please tell me your
planet number in tentura,
23
00:03:49,567 --> 00:03:52,035
or at least the galaxy
number in the spiral
24
00:03:52,367 --> 00:03:56,406
I've got the contacts
mixed up and now
I can't get home
25
00:03:56,727 --> 00:04:00,447
We don't know the
number mate, we forgot it
26
00:04:00,447 --> 00:04:02,447
Look, let's send this lad
to the information office,
27
00:04:02,447 --> 00:04:06,367
and we'll wait for him
together in the bakery, OK?
28
00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:08,367
Here,
put this on
29
00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:11,927
Thank you.
Listen, friends,
30
00:04:11,927 --> 00:04:13,927
there's no need for
an information office...
31
00:04:13,927 --> 00:04:15,927
or bakery
32
00:04:15,927 --> 00:04:17,927
This is my planet,
33
00:04:17,927 --> 00:04:20,647
Uzm, 247
in tentura,
34
00:04:20,647 --> 00:04:23,447
galaxy Beta
in the spiral
35
00:04:23,447 --> 00:04:27,487
This is my space-
transportion gadget
36
00:04:27,487 --> 00:04:31,207
So, which button
do I press to get home?
37
00:04:31,207 --> 00:04:34,327
Because time is relative,
you understand that, right?
38
00:04:34,327 --> 00:04:36,327
OK, I have
a proposition
39
00:04:36,327 --> 00:04:39,287
We will press a button...
40
00:04:39,287 --> 00:04:41,287
and transport
to your place
41
00:04:41,287 --> 00:04:43,287
But if the device
doesn't work...
42
00:04:43,287 --> 00:04:48,287
you will transport with us
to where we tell you, deal?
43
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:51,727
You can't just press it,
you have to know!
44
00:04:51,727 --> 00:04:53,843
Yes we can...
45
00:05:11,607 --> 00:05:14,487
What do you see?
46
00:05:14,487 --> 00:05:15,442
Sand
47
00:05:15,767 --> 00:05:19,282
So the fucking gizmo worked
48
00:05:21,527 --> 00:05:25,679
And that jerk with the holes,
was he left behind?
49
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:30,157
Calm down, calm down
50
00:05:32,407 --> 00:05:37,527
We have sun,
sand and gravity
51
00:05:37,527 --> 00:05:40,727
We are on Earth or...
52
00:05:40,727 --> 00:05:41,687
Or?
53
00:05:41,687 --> 00:05:46,167
No,
we'll assume we're on Earth,
in some desert
54
00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:48,158
Say, Karakum
55
00:05:48,727 --> 00:05:51,607
What other deserts
do we have?
56
00:05:51,607 --> 00:05:52,881
Gobi, Sahara...
57
00:05:52,927 --> 00:05:54,155
I said we have!
58
00:05:54,247 --> 00:05:56,167
Kyzylkum
59
00:05:56,167 --> 00:06:02,807
No. We'll assume
it's Karakum
60
00:06:02,807 --> 00:06:10,807
So, sun is to the West,
Ashabad is there
61
00:06:10,807 --> 00:06:12,798
Let's go
62
00:06:19,127 --> 00:06:21,357
Come on!
63
00:06:45,687 --> 00:06:50,487
Comrade,
what's your name?
64
00:06:50,487 --> 00:06:53,047
Vladimir Nickolaevich
65
00:06:53,047 --> 00:06:55,607
My name is Gedevan
66
00:06:55,607 --> 00:06:57,598
Pleased to meet you
67
00:07:12,887 --> 00:07:17,687
You have a bottle in your case
Is it wine?
68
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:22,158
No, vinegar
69
00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:27,287
I also have some herbs
70
00:07:27,287 --> 00:07:30,484
We're all set then
71
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:40,087
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
do you remember the
number he mentioned
72
00:07:40,087 --> 00:07:42,087
the guy who has my sock?
73
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,087
No
74
00:07:44,087 --> 00:07:47,767
Maybe we're on his planet?
75
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,758
Listen, Fiddler...
76
00:07:50,647 --> 00:07:53,527
we can guess all we want
but it's bloody pointless
77
00:07:53,527 --> 00:07:56,727
We've chosen a direction
and that's where we're heading
78
00:07:56,727 --> 00:08:01,198
We just need to get to the water.
Clear?
79
00:08:04,087 --> 00:08:08,247
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
I want to change into slippers
80
00:08:08,247 --> 00:08:09,527
Well do it!
81
00:08:09,527 --> 00:08:12,724
Well stop then!
82
00:08:19,447 --> 00:08:21,687
What time is it?
83
00:08:21,687 --> 00:08:22,967
Four
84
00:08:22,967 --> 00:08:24,967
In the morning?
85
00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:26,958
Yes
86
00:08:31,287 --> 00:08:33,847
Are you late
somewhere?
87
00:08:34,487 --> 00:08:36,407
It's embarrassing
88
00:08:36,407 --> 00:08:40,887
I called from the
airport, said I'd be
there in an hour, and...
89
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,887
You study music?
90
00:08:42,887 --> 00:08:44,887
It's not mine
91
00:08:44,887 --> 00:08:51,447
We had a concert
in my hometown,
92
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:54,007
and they forgot to put
the violin on the plane
93
00:08:54,007 --> 00:08:55,607
Banquet?
94
00:08:55,607 --> 00:08:56,887
Just a dinner
95
00:08:56,887 --> 00:09:00,727
Oh.
Are you from Tbilisi?
96
00:09:00,727 --> 00:09:01,687
Batumi
97
00:09:01,687 --> 00:09:06,167
I thought I'd return
the violin and still catch
the train to my college
98
00:09:06,167 --> 00:09:09,047
I study textile
manufacturing
99
00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:10,327
Aha
100
00:09:10,327 --> 00:09:16,084
I wanted to study
Foreign Politics,
but they said...
101
00:09:16,407 --> 00:09:18,079
Quiet!
102
00:10:15,647 --> 00:10:17,444
A man
103
00:10:22,807 --> 00:10:24,320
Hello
104
00:10:39,287 --> 00:10:41,960
It's a capitalist country
105
00:11:02,327 --> 00:11:04,407
Do you speak any
foreign languages?
106
00:11:04,407 --> 00:11:07,727
English, a little French
107
00:11:07,727 --> 00:11:09,718
Tell them we
have no money
108
00:11:11,607 --> 00:11:14,280
Tell them!
They want to be paid!
109
00:11:38,527 --> 00:11:40,327
Hello!
110
00:11:40,327 --> 00:11:43,647
We are our tourists,
we lost our group
111
00:11:43,647 --> 00:11:46,047
Please give us a ride
to the nearest city,
112
00:11:46,047 --> 00:11:48,047
and we'll find our
way from there
113
00:11:48,047 --> 00:11:49,002
Translate
114
00:11:57,087 --> 00:11:58,281
Hello
115
00:12:16,567 --> 00:12:19,240
Chatl!
116
00:12:21,047 --> 00:12:22,527
We have no money
117
00:12:22,527 --> 00:12:26,447
We left money, passports
and foreign currency
with our guide
118
00:12:26,447 --> 00:12:32,716
We stepped aside
for a moment and got
lost in the sands
119
00:12:47,087 --> 00:12:49,476
Here. It's warm
120
00:12:51,887 --> 00:12:53,366
Pardon?
121
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:57,847
You want my hat?
122
00:12:57,847 --> 00:12:59,838
Here you go
123
00:13:07,127 --> 00:13:11,325
It's not mine,
I can't give it away
124
00:13:15,207 --> 00:13:18,207
There's nothing in there
125
00:13:18,207 --> 00:13:19,720
Open it
126
00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:27,796
It's not wine,
it's vinegar
127
00:13:38,287 --> 00:13:40,084
Sour, right?
128
00:13:49,047 --> 00:13:54,447
So mate, will you
give us a lift?
129
00:13:54,447 --> 00:13:56,438
Fiddler, hurry up
130
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:05,523
Just to the nearest city,
we'll be all right there
131
00:14:08,207 --> 00:14:10,277
You want my jacket?
132
00:14:28,847 --> 00:14:31,236
Glad I didn't give
them the violin
133
00:14:51,327 --> 00:14:53,682
Looks like they're sorry
134
00:15:09,247 --> 00:15:13,035
Ketse!
135
00:15:15,367 --> 00:15:16,925
Ketse what?
136
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,157
I think he
wants a match
137
00:15:23,207 --> 00:15:25,163
You want a match?
138
00:15:30,047 --> 00:15:32,515
Here
139
00:15:48,127 --> 00:15:49,685
The whole box?
140
00:15:51,887 --> 00:15:55,926
Get us out of here,
and we will koo
141
00:17:11,687 --> 00:17:19,002
Not a single letter,
not a single 'made in'
142
00:17:25,727 --> 00:17:28,525
Sorry,
I don't understand.
143
00:17:43,207 --> 00:17:45,675
What do they want?
144
00:17:46,327 --> 00:17:48,477
They want koo
145
00:18:03,767 --> 00:18:05,962
Tsak!
146
00:18:06,287 --> 00:18:08,437
Thank you
147
00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:17,484
He wants me
to put on a bell
148
00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,244
He'll have
to do without
149
00:18:25,607 --> 00:18:28,724
I'll put it on.
It's too awkward
150
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:32,765
Go ahead
151
00:18:59,927 --> 00:19:03,317
Oh, all right
152
00:20:38,767 --> 00:20:40,359
I'll just have a cigarette
153
00:20:43,007 --> 00:20:43,807
Ketse!
154
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:45,798
Calm down, calm down!
155
00:21:36,087 --> 00:21:39,762
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
maybe we're really on...
156
00:21:41,887 --> 00:21:44,003
Yeah right, they're
typical Martians
157
00:22:07,127 --> 00:22:12,918
Lucy dear, you silly bitch.
You just hadto have those
noodles didn't you?
158
00:22:21,447 --> 00:22:28,842
So. You speak Russian
Why did you hide it?
159
00:22:29,407 --> 00:22:30,840
We didn't
160
00:22:32,847 --> 00:22:36,567
It's hard to penetrate
your language when your
thoughts are bilingual
161
00:22:36,567 --> 00:22:40,799
And this Patsak always
thinks in languages
he hardly knows!
162
00:22:41,087 --> 00:22:44,238
What are you looking at,
mimuna verishvilli?
163
00:22:45,047 --> 00:22:46,887
They speak Georgian, too!
164
00:22:46,887 --> 00:22:47,683
What did he say?
165
00:22:48,247 --> 00:22:50,087
Ape son of a donkey
166
00:22:50,087 --> 00:22:52,087
All right!
167
00:22:52,087 --> 00:22:55,407
We are from the Soviet Union,
here on a cultural exchange
168
00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:57,407
Everybody knows
where we are
169
00:22:57,407 --> 00:23:00,967
If you don't put us in
touch with the embassy...
170
00:23:00,967 --> 00:23:04,403
you'll be in big trouble,
got it?
171
00:23:08,927 --> 00:23:12,636
We don't understand embassy
Put the tsak back!
172
00:23:12,887 --> 00:23:17,687
You understand 'Noodles'
and you understand 'mimuna',
173
00:23:17,687 --> 00:23:21,647
yet you don't know 'embassy'?
You poor things
174
00:23:21,647 --> 00:23:24,320
Quit messing with us!
175
00:23:25,127 --> 00:23:29,087
You thought about noodles,
I simply said it
176
00:23:29,087 --> 00:23:32,523
It's not Earth,
and it's not Africa mate
177
00:23:33,607 --> 00:23:41,287
It's planet Pluk, 215 in tentura,
in the galaxy Kin-Dza-Dza in the spiral
178
00:23:41,287 --> 00:23:42,879
Got it?
179
00:23:45,807 --> 00:23:48,446
Well hello, here we are
180
00:23:51,367 --> 00:23:53,483
Put the bell on mate
181
00:24:00,407 --> 00:24:03,843
Well done
182
00:24:33,047 --> 00:24:34,527
Excuse me,
where are we?
183
00:24:34,527 --> 00:24:37,567
Hush! He has
very sharp ears
184
00:24:37,567 --> 00:24:39,567
Do you know the tentura
of your planet?
185
00:24:39,567 --> 00:24:41,167
Tentura?
186
00:24:41,167 --> 00:24:44,767
Well, tell us your
Galaxy number in the spiral
187
00:24:44,767 --> 00:24:46,883
In the spiral?
Yes, in the spiral, in the spiral
188
00:24:46,927 --> 00:24:54,407
Well, Earth is... next to
planets like Venus,
Saturn, Jupiter...
189
00:24:54,407 --> 00:24:57,127
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
what else?
190
00:24:57,127 --> 00:24:58,927
Ursa Major
191
00:24:58,927 --> 00:25:00,918
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
come here
192
00:25:06,727 --> 00:25:10,367
Do you have more matches
on your planet?
193
00:25:10,367 --> 00:25:11,567
I can get some
194
00:25:11,567 --> 00:25:14,843
How many will you give us
if we put you there?
195
00:25:15,767 --> 00:25:16,836
How many do you want?
196
00:25:17,567 --> 00:25:19,967
Two boxes like that!
197
00:25:19,967 --> 00:25:21,480
Seven!
198
00:25:23,007 --> 00:25:27,807
And give me this box now,
I'll buy a gravitsapa
199
00:25:27,807 --> 00:25:29,798
Excuse me,
what is a gravitsapa?
200
00:25:30,207 --> 00:25:34,727
Without it pepelats
can only fly like this...
201
00:25:34,727 --> 00:25:40,767
but with it - to any place
in the universe in 5 seconds
202
00:25:40,767 --> 00:25:46,767
Gentlemen, you don't even
take a pepelats out of the
garage without a gravitsapa?
203
00:25:46,767 --> 00:25:50,367
We had a gravitsapa,
but when we came here,
it got pinched
204
00:25:50,367 --> 00:25:52,483
Excuse me, do you have a
space-transporting gadget?
205
00:25:53,087 --> 00:25:53,917
No
206
00:25:54,007 --> 00:25:55,804
Give me the matches
207
00:25:56,087 --> 00:25:57,805
Give us some water
208
00:26:20,487 --> 00:26:24,366
Like this!
Like this!
209
00:26:25,887 --> 00:26:29,807
This is yours;
this is how you smoke now
210
00:26:29,807 --> 00:26:30,683
Thank you
211
00:26:35,807 --> 00:26:37,923
He said he has
a gravitsapa
212
00:26:39,127 --> 00:26:40,924
Put your matches here
213
00:26:41,247 --> 00:26:45,763
No.
When you put us on Earth,
you'll get this and this
214
00:26:46,047 --> 00:26:46,647
What?
215
00:26:46,647 --> 00:26:49,639
Let's go, Fiddler,
to Outer Space
216
00:26:50,887 --> 00:26:54,482
Stop!
Give it!
217
00:26:57,807 --> 00:26:59,877
Only on mother Earth
218
00:27:00,207 --> 00:27:05,607
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
you said if we get you to the
city, you'd give us all of it!
219
00:27:05,607 --> 00:27:07,607
And you already stole
one match from us!
220
00:27:07,607 --> 00:27:11,047
Patsaks do not
cheat on Patsaks,
it's wrong, mate
221
00:27:11,047 --> 00:27:13,047
I said - to the city!
222
00:27:13,047 --> 00:27:14,327
And what is this?
223
00:27:14,327 --> 00:27:15,237
A barn
224
00:27:18,247 --> 00:27:23,367
And this?
And this?
How is it's not a city?
225
00:27:23,367 --> 00:27:25,358
Stop messing around
226
00:27:26,687 --> 00:27:31,477
Let's see that gravitsapa.
If it's a major brand
- we'll take it
227
00:27:31,807 --> 00:27:33,487
Patsak!
228
00:27:33,487 --> 00:27:39,007
No one will touch
smuggled ketse
in front of witnesses,
229
00:27:39,007 --> 00:27:41,727
you can get etsih for life
with nails for it!
230
00:27:41,727 --> 00:27:43,718
What do you have in your head,
brains or kyoo?
231
00:27:46,527 --> 00:27:49,246
We'll buy it ourselves.
Let's go
232
00:27:50,447 --> 00:27:54,076
Stop!
233
00:27:59,167 --> 00:28:00,680
Who are you?
234
00:28:06,727 --> 00:28:08,207
Alien,
construction site foreman
235
00:28:08,207 --> 00:28:10,207
No,
you are Patsak
236
00:28:10,207 --> 00:28:11,207
And who are you?
237
00:28:11,207 --> 00:28:12,447
I'm Georgian
238
00:28:12,447 --> 00:28:15,447
No,
you're also Patsak
239
00:28:15,447 --> 00:28:18,447
You, you and him
are Patsaks
240
00:28:18,447 --> 00:28:21,767
And I'm Chatlan,
and they are Chatlans,
241
00:28:21,767 --> 00:28:25,687
so put on the tsak
and stay in the pepelats,
got it?
242
00:28:25,687 --> 00:28:26,881
What?
243
00:28:27,487 --> 00:28:29,567
Look at me through
the scanner, mate
244
00:28:29,567 --> 00:28:34,407
See,
it's a green colour
245
00:28:34,407 --> 00:28:40,118
Same for him and you
246
00:28:40,727 --> 00:28:45,247
Now look at Uef,
orange colour
247
00:28:45,247 --> 00:28:50,047
That's because
he is Chatlan.
All clear?
248
00:28:50,047 --> 00:28:50,647
What?
249
00:28:50,647 --> 00:28:52,647
Pluk is a Chatlan planet
250
00:28:52,647 --> 00:28:55,767
So, we Patsaks,
have to wear tsaks
251
00:28:55,767 --> 00:29:01,160
And in front of us Chatlans,
you have to do this!
252
00:29:01,767 --> 00:29:05,087
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
this is overtly racist
253
00:29:05,087 --> 00:29:07,078
Show us again please
254
00:29:07,807 --> 00:29:09,087
Like this!
255
00:29:09,087 --> 00:29:10,520
Slower, please
256
00:29:10,807 --> 00:29:12,525
Like this
257
00:29:14,127 --> 00:29:19,527
Look, you have a wife,
a son struggling
for a C average,
258
00:29:19,527 --> 00:29:23,167
and you are behind
on your mortgage
259
00:29:23,167 --> 00:29:28,878
You don't want to
mess with us, mate
260
00:29:34,687 --> 00:29:37,447
OK, Fiddler,
we'll play their game
261
00:29:37,447 --> 00:29:42,407
Well done.
Give a match to Uef,
he'll buy a gravitsapa
262
00:29:42,407 --> 00:29:44,407
He said he needed
them all
263
00:29:44,407 --> 00:29:46,407
I was joking
264
00:29:46,407 --> 00:29:48,398
Gentlemen,
you are so funny!
265
00:29:50,447 --> 00:29:54,486
Wait!
We'll go together
266
00:29:58,807 --> 00:30:02,207
Don't show them
any of your ketse,
and don't think about them,
267
00:30:02,207 --> 00:30:04,207
just show them mine
268
00:30:04,207 --> 00:30:06,846
And don't give them
more than half a match
269
00:30:08,687 --> 00:30:12,077
Your Patsak said
it costs a whole match
270
00:30:12,687 --> 00:30:14,882
He was joking too
271
00:30:30,927 --> 00:30:33,395
Concrete mark 300
272
00:30:36,527 --> 00:30:40,527
Patsak! Remember,
half or less
273
00:30:40,527 --> 00:30:41,767
OK
274
00:30:41,767 --> 00:30:44,527
Excuse me,
are Chatlans and Patsaks
different races?
275
00:30:44,527 --> 00:30:46,527
No
276
00:30:46,527 --> 00:30:48,247
Biologically different?
277
00:30:48,247 --> 00:30:49,167
No
278
00:30:49,167 --> 00:30:51,167
People from
different planets?
279
00:30:51,167 --> 00:30:51,967
No
280
00:30:51,967 --> 00:30:54,447
So how are
they different?
281
00:30:54,447 --> 00:31:00,317
Are you colour-blind, Fiddler?
Can't you tell green from orange?
Tourist!
282
00:31:09,567 --> 00:31:11,717
Hey!
It's a skyscraper!
283
00:31:12,367 --> 00:31:15,757
Go, go
284
00:31:26,887 --> 00:31:29,967
Do as I taught you
285
00:31:29,967 --> 00:31:35,837
Hi missy.
Aren't you cold
in this coat?
286
00:31:45,447 --> 00:31:49,447
They won't let me in,
they want you alone
287
00:31:49,447 --> 00:31:53,759
Don't give them the ketse,
bring the gravitsapa here,
I'll check it
288
00:31:54,727 --> 00:31:56,877
Go!
289
00:31:59,967 --> 00:32:01,807
No
290
00:32:01,807 --> 00:32:03,807
We're together
291
00:32:03,807 --> 00:32:05,807
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
tell him!
292
00:32:05,807 --> 00:32:10,483
Wait here
293
00:32:16,967 --> 00:32:20,676
Don't go anywhere
294
00:32:38,607 --> 00:32:40,757
Hi!
295
00:32:43,847 --> 00:32:46,315
What's up?
296
00:32:49,127 --> 00:32:51,287
You want me
to squat?
297
00:32:51,287 --> 00:32:57,157
Well, out of respect
for the ladies
298
00:32:59,007 --> 00:33:00,838
So what's
new on Pluk?
299
00:33:01,807 --> 00:33:06,119
Put ketse here and
you'll get a gravitsapa
300
00:33:16,647 --> 00:33:18,478
A half
301
00:33:20,047 --> 00:33:21,560
Half it is
302
00:33:22,807 --> 00:33:24,967
Can I take a look?
303
00:33:24,967 --> 00:33:26,958
Sure
304
00:33:38,287 --> 00:33:41,847
I'm not an expert
305
00:33:41,847 --> 00:33:46,287
We'll show it to my
Chatlan, he'll check it
306
00:33:46,287 --> 00:33:50,326
Just a moment while
we install the tsapa
307
00:34:07,007 --> 00:34:08,884
Sore throat?
308
00:34:14,127 --> 00:34:15,367
It's water
309
00:34:15,367 --> 00:34:17,358
I have a proposition
310
00:34:17,847 --> 00:34:24,002
I'll give you the rest
of this ketse for
two bottles of water
311
00:34:24,647 --> 00:34:25,875
Ok
312
00:34:37,407 --> 00:34:38,687
Do you have food?
313
00:34:38,687 --> 00:34:40,687
Cereals
314
00:34:40,687 --> 00:34:42,678
What kind?
315
00:34:44,127 --> 00:34:46,357
Plastic
316
00:34:52,487 --> 00:35:03,682
I'll give you this whole ketse
for five bottles of water
and a kilo of cereals
317
00:35:07,207 --> 00:35:07,844
What's this?
318
00:35:07,887 --> 00:35:09,843
Ketse
319
00:35:10,407 --> 00:35:12,367
We have to
check it again
320
00:35:12,367 --> 00:35:13,641
Check
321
00:35:31,567 --> 00:35:35,446
Hey,
just a moment!
322
00:35:36,087 --> 00:35:37,440
Be right back
323
00:36:05,247 --> 00:36:09,399
Fiddler, can you get
matches on Earth?
324
00:36:11,647 --> 00:36:12,602
Yes
325
00:36:16,447 --> 00:36:21,567
If you can spit
further than me,
I'll give you half a chatl
326
00:36:23,207 --> 00:36:29,282
If I can spit further,
you'll give me
two matches
327
00:36:36,647 --> 00:36:37,927
Understood?
328
00:36:37,927 --> 00:36:38,567
No
329
00:36:38,567 --> 00:36:45,325
It's a simple game.
I bet half a chatl,
you bet 3 matches. Spit
330
00:36:45,647 --> 00:36:47,319
No, thank you
331
00:36:48,527 --> 00:36:53,647
OK, you bet one match,
I bet three chatls,
yellow pants
332
00:36:53,647 --> 00:36:56,847
and I'll give you
a head-start like this.
Come on!
333
00:36:56,847 --> 00:36:57,484
No
334
00:36:58,127 --> 00:36:59,487
Blue pants!
335
00:36:59,487 --> 00:37:01,478
Mr Uef,
under no circumstances
will I do this
336
00:37:02,607 --> 00:37:03,483
Is this your
final word?
337
00:37:04,527 --> 00:37:11,285
Then why are you
messing with me,
mimuna verishvilli!
338
00:37:13,847 --> 00:37:19,927
Mr Uef! I represent a
civilised planet and demand
you to watch your lexicon!
339
00:37:19,927 --> 00:37:21,918
Yeah!
340
00:37:48,127 --> 00:37:49,401
Where are they?
341
00:37:50,047 --> 00:37:51,407
Who?
342
00:37:51,407 --> 00:37:53,407
That one,
with a scar
343
00:37:53,407 --> 00:37:55,398
I'm such a moron,
I gave him all the matches
344
00:39:05,687 --> 00:39:07,962
Gentlemen,
that's enough
345
00:39:09,247 --> 00:39:11,167
Enough?
Enough?
346
00:39:11,167 --> 00:39:14,687
I told him we should
go to the Centre
347
00:39:14,687 --> 00:39:21,320
But he's greedy like
all Chatlans, he decided
to save 2 chatls!
348
00:39:21,847 --> 00:39:23,644
I have another one
349
00:39:28,127 --> 00:39:30,721
Enough to buy
a gravitsapa, right?
350
00:39:31,407 --> 00:39:33,807
Give it to me
351
00:39:33,807 --> 00:39:34,717
Why?
352
00:39:35,327 --> 00:39:36,726
To buy a gravitsapa
353
00:39:38,887 --> 00:39:39,797
Where?
354
00:39:40,407 --> 00:39:41,806
There,
in the Centre
355
00:39:43,087 --> 00:39:46,407
How will you get
us to Mother Earth
356
00:39:46,407 --> 00:39:50,887
if you don't even know
which galaxy it's in?
357
00:39:50,887 --> 00:39:52,687
You moron, we can get
your planet number
358
00:39:52,687 --> 00:39:56,236
from any planetarium
in the Centre for 2 chatls!
359
00:39:56,847 --> 00:39:59,566
Give me the match
360
00:39:59,847 --> 00:40:01,565
So you can bury
us in the sand?
361
00:40:01,967 --> 00:40:03,567
Will you give it to me?
362
00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:04,044
No
363
00:40:04,647 --> 00:40:06,046
Is this you final word?
364
00:40:07,327 --> 00:40:09,124
Couldn't be more final
365
00:40:14,207 --> 00:40:16,926
Farewell then, mate
366
00:40:22,607 --> 00:40:25,007
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
they'll fly off
367
00:40:25,007 --> 00:40:28,602
No way, they'd
rather die than
leave the match
368
00:40:36,967 --> 00:40:39,967
Either you give us
the match now,
369
00:40:39,967 --> 00:40:45,360
or we won't put
you on Earth for
less than 7 boxes!
370
00:41:10,207 --> 00:41:12,198
Yes you can, mate
371
00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:14,400
Mr. Bee,
372
00:41:17,687 --> 00:41:20,360
I have 50 roubles
373
00:41:21,287 --> 00:41:23,642
Matches cost
2 kopeks per box,
374
00:41:23,967 --> 00:41:27,243
so I can buy 2500
375
00:41:27,567 --> 00:41:30,843
Fiddler's fibbing!
He has more chatls
376
00:41:35,647 --> 00:41:41,324
Mr Uef! Don't call me Fiddler,
my name is Gedevan Alexandrovich
377
00:41:50,007 --> 00:41:51,486
Is the engine there?
378
00:41:51,807 --> 00:41:56,278
Quit poking around,
Gedevan Alexandrovich
379
00:41:59,567 --> 00:42:04,960
Gedevan, let's
tie them up and plot a
course to the North
380
00:42:06,167 --> 00:42:07,361
What for?
381
00:42:07,967 --> 00:42:10,640
Maybe the
Mediterranean Sea is there
382
00:42:13,047 --> 00:42:15,167
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
are you nuts, mate?
383
00:42:15,167 --> 00:42:17,167
Pluk has no seas
384
00:42:17,167 --> 00:42:21,126
They have been made
into luts long ago
385
00:42:21,727 --> 00:42:24,446
Excuse me,
into what?
386
00:42:25,607 --> 00:42:27,996
Into fuel, Fiddler
387
00:42:31,007 --> 00:42:32,807
You owe us
6140 boxes
388
00:42:32,807 --> 00:42:34,604
Why so much?
389
00:42:35,207 --> 00:42:38,802
You ate cereals,
you drink water,
plus the widget
390
00:42:40,607 --> 00:42:43,565
Cross that out, we are
not buying the widget.
Put it back
391
00:42:53,447 --> 00:42:58,567
We need to bring back
a sample of technology,
or no-one will beleive us
392
00:42:58,847 --> 00:43:02,726
If you want the
widget so much,
give them the violin
393
00:43:04,247 --> 00:43:09,327
It's an Italian
antique worth more
than 1000 roubles,
394
00:43:09,327 --> 00:43:12,000
how would I ever
pay it back?
395
00:43:15,007 --> 00:43:20,407
Fiddler, instead of thinking
that you are the first
Georgian astronaut
396
00:43:20,407 --> 00:43:23,687
and that you'd
get a Nobel prize,
397
00:43:23,687 --> 00:43:27,885
give back the
spoon you stole
from us poor artists
398
00:43:29,967 --> 00:43:32,686
I wasn't thinking
any of that
399
00:43:38,367 --> 00:43:42,838
I wanted to donate it to science,
maybe it's some new metal
400
00:43:44,327 --> 00:43:50,926
There's never been a Patsak
as pathetic as you, Fiddler
401
00:43:51,247 --> 00:43:54,205
I'm devastated
402
00:43:59,607 --> 00:44:00,517
Where are you going?
403
00:44:00,807 --> 00:44:02,001
To the toilet
404
00:44:02,287 --> 00:44:04,007
You can't take
money to the toilet
405
00:44:04,007 --> 00:44:09,479
Leave money here,
Gedevan Alexandrovich
406
00:44:45,367 --> 00:44:47,207
Ketse is very
expensive, mate
407
00:44:47,207 --> 00:44:48,401
Why?
408
00:44:49,647 --> 00:44:52,367
Well how, on Earth
do you determine
409
00:44:52,367 --> 00:44:54,358
how many times who
has to squat in
front of whom?
410
00:44:55,447 --> 00:44:57,244
We just play it by the ear
411
00:44:58,807 --> 00:45:00,001
Barbarians!
412
00:45:01,247 --> 00:45:01,997
Look,
413
00:45:02,767 --> 00:45:05,520
I like you,
so I'll teach you
414
00:45:06,127 --> 00:45:08,847
If I have
some ketse,
415
00:45:08,847 --> 00:45:11,600
I have a right to
wear yellow pants
416
00:45:12,207 --> 00:45:17,122
Also Patsaks have to
squat in front of me
not once, but twice
417
00:45:17,727 --> 00:45:20,764
If I have a
lot of ketse
418
00:45:21,087 --> 00:45:25,956
I have the right to
wear purple pants
419
00:45:26,287 --> 00:45:30,847
and Patsaks have to
squat in front of me twice!
420
00:45:30,847 --> 00:45:34,527
and Chatlans
have to koo
421
00:45:34,527 --> 00:45:41,239
and etselops can't
beat me up at night,
never!
422
00:45:41,847 --> 00:45:44,566
I have a
proposition, mate
423
00:45:44,887 --> 00:45:47,647
You give us
the match now
424
00:45:47,647 --> 00:45:51,606
and later we will bring
you yellow pants, deal?
425
00:45:52,527 --> 00:45:54,643
Thanks, I already have a pair,
maybe Fiddler needs some?
426
00:45:54,967 --> 00:46:00,439
Hey Fiddler, aliens are
peddling yellow pants here,
427
00:46:00,767 --> 00:46:02,280
do you need any?
428
00:46:04,127 --> 00:46:05,647
There is no Fiddler, mate
429
00:46:05,647 --> 00:46:06,247
What?
430
00:46:06,247 --> 00:46:07,807
I've catapulted him
431
00:46:07,807 --> 00:46:09,807
It's all right,
Vladimir Nickolaevich,
432
00:46:09,807 --> 00:46:11,807
we have another catapult
433
00:46:11,807 --> 00:46:13,798
That one was
broken anyway
434
00:46:14,207 --> 00:46:15,807
I don't get it
435
00:46:15,807 --> 00:46:19,686
I've pressed the
kappa and he flew away
436
00:46:20,007 --> 00:46:24,285
Fiddler isn't needed, mate,
he was a waste of fuel
437
00:46:35,287 --> 00:46:36,800
Turn back
438
00:46:38,007 --> 00:46:38,803
We can't
439
00:46:39,247 --> 00:46:41,681
We're out of luts,
we have to fly to
the luts station
440
00:46:42,887 --> 00:46:45,959
Turn back or
I'll burn this fucking ketse!
441
00:46:49,007 --> 00:46:51,123
Gedevan!
442
00:46:55,727 --> 00:46:57,558
Fiddler!
443
00:47:15,887 --> 00:47:17,407
Where could
he have gone?
444
00:47:17,407 --> 00:47:20,763
I told you,
the etselops caught him
445
00:47:21,687 --> 00:47:22,881
Let's go, mate
446
00:47:23,207 --> 00:47:24,879
You've really
done it now!
447
00:47:29,287 --> 00:47:31,437
Call the etselops
on the radio
448
00:47:32,647 --> 00:47:34,797
We have no radio,
we threw it away
449
00:47:35,127 --> 00:47:36,927
I'll check!
450
00:47:36,927 --> 00:47:37,837
Etselop!
451
00:47:47,927 --> 00:47:50,077
Put the tsak on, now!
452
00:47:53,407 --> 00:47:55,557
He'll have to
do without
453
00:48:07,487 --> 00:48:11,719
Put it on or he'll
trangluke you...
and the match
454
00:49:06,087 --> 00:49:07,600
Hello
455
00:49:08,207 --> 00:49:10,367
Listen, friend,
we lost our lad
around here,
456
00:49:10,367 --> 00:49:11,880
did you see him?
457
00:49:14,007 --> 00:49:15,565
What?
458
00:49:28,087 --> 00:49:30,396
Sorry, I forgot
459
00:49:30,727 --> 00:49:33,036
So did you
pick him up?
460
00:50:12,727 --> 00:50:16,356
I told you Fiddler
wasn't needed!
461
00:50:16,727 --> 00:50:21,005
How will we
buy luts now?
462
00:50:25,647 --> 00:50:27,967
You are such
a silly bitch, mate
463
00:50:27,967 --> 00:50:30,925
He's worse.
He's just a kyoo
464
00:51:06,327 --> 00:51:08,007
I have
a proposition
465
00:51:08,007 --> 00:51:09,998
We find Fiddler,
466
00:51:10,287 --> 00:51:11,967
and then we'll go
to the local government
467
00:51:11,967 --> 00:51:13,958
Get me some
sand, mate
468
00:51:15,927 --> 00:51:19,237
We'll tell them
where we are from
469
00:51:21,567 --> 00:51:25,526
they'll give us a
gravitsapa and we will
470
00:51:26,527 --> 00:51:29,803
organise a mutually
beneficial trade...
471
00:51:31,487 --> 00:51:36,767
you'll give us yellow pants
and we'll give you as many
matches as you want
472
00:51:36,767 --> 00:51:39,725
We need a gravitsapa
to go to the government
473
00:51:40,087 --> 00:51:44,046
The government lives on
another planet, mate
474
00:52:29,047 --> 00:52:31,686
Uncle Vova!
I'm here!
475
00:52:50,527 --> 00:52:51,198
Fiddler!
476
00:52:52,207 --> 00:52:54,487
Where is my...
what's it called?
477
00:52:54,487 --> 00:52:55,476
Tsak?
478
00:53:00,127 --> 00:53:01,127
I have it
479
00:53:01,127 --> 00:53:02,127
Give it to me
480
00:53:02,127 --> 00:53:03,087
What for?
481
00:53:03,087 --> 00:53:05,078
Just give it to me!
482
00:53:09,047 --> 00:53:10,366
But there is
nobody here
483
00:53:12,047 --> 00:53:13,036
This is mine
484
00:53:13,367 --> 00:53:15,039
So keep it at the ready
485
00:53:35,847 --> 00:53:37,166
Are you asleep?
486
00:53:38,847 --> 00:53:39,802
No
487
00:53:40,167 --> 00:53:41,805
Cheer up, Fiddler
488
00:53:42,487 --> 00:53:46,116
If there is a gravitsapa
on Pluk, we'll find it
489
00:53:47,087 --> 00:53:48,759
We've had it
much worse
490
00:53:53,727 --> 00:53:55,365
Quiet
491
00:53:59,007 --> 00:54:00,326
Stop!
492
00:54:01,647 --> 00:54:04,967
Hey, would you give
us a lift to the Centre?
493
00:54:04,967 --> 00:54:05,967
Patsak, stop
494
00:54:05,967 --> 00:54:07,286
What?
495
00:54:08,607 --> 00:54:10,916
That's close enough
496
00:54:11,927 --> 00:54:12,927
What do you want?
497
00:54:12,927 --> 00:54:14,927
Give us a lift!
498
00:54:14,927 --> 00:54:16,918
3 chatls
499
00:54:17,207 --> 00:54:20,847
We have no money,
but we'll work for it
500
00:54:20,847 --> 00:54:22,838
What can you do?
501
00:54:23,487 --> 00:54:25,487
Me? Anything!
502
00:54:25,487 --> 00:54:26,447
Be specific
503
00:54:26,447 --> 00:54:30,447
Vladimir Nickolaevich
works in construction
504
00:54:30,447 --> 00:54:33,087
we'll build
you a house
505
00:54:33,087 --> 00:54:35,078
And what
can you do?
506
00:54:35,727 --> 00:54:37,080
Me?
507
00:54:37,727 --> 00:54:41,007
He can play violin
508
00:54:41,007 --> 00:54:42,565
Play!
509
00:54:45,167 --> 00:54:47,283
I can't
510
00:54:48,367 --> 00:54:49,277
Bye Patsaks
511
00:54:50,487 --> 00:54:54,727
Wait, missy,
I can
512
00:54:54,727 --> 00:54:56,327
Play!
513
00:54:56,327 --> 00:54:57,927
Here?
514
00:54:57,927 --> 00:54:59,918
Over there!
515
00:55:21,367 --> 00:55:24,564
Wait, I'll sort
out the sound
516
00:55:29,367 --> 00:55:30,959
Play
517
00:55:34,687 --> 00:55:35,756
And sing
518
00:55:40,047 --> 00:55:42,163
Right,
just a sec
519
00:55:42,687 --> 00:55:44,837
How does it go...
520
00:55:45,367 --> 00:55:50,687
Mother, mother,
what will we do?
521
00:55:50,687 --> 00:55:52,687
Wow!
522
00:55:52,687 --> 00:55:54,407
What?
523
00:55:54,407 --> 00:55:54,964
I said wow
524
00:55:55,487 --> 00:55:57,087
People like it
525
00:55:57,087 --> 00:55:58,167
What?
526
00:55:58,167 --> 00:56:00,158
People like it!
527
00:56:17,847 --> 00:56:18,916
No
528
00:56:20,527 --> 00:56:21,607
I could drum
529
00:56:21,607 --> 00:56:22,642
How's that?
530
00:56:25,327 --> 00:56:27,447
Foreman!
531
00:56:27,447 --> 00:56:29,563
Fiddler isn't needed
532
00:56:32,247 --> 00:56:34,367
It's OK, he
won't be a bother
533
00:56:34,367 --> 00:56:36,358
Give us some
water, will you?
534
00:56:36,527 --> 00:56:38,643
I said
- after the gig
535
00:56:39,167 --> 00:56:47,677
We could just
take it, by force
536
00:56:48,247 --> 00:56:51,407
You touch me and an
etselop will fly right here
and tear your legs off
537
00:56:51,407 --> 00:56:53,398
Screw your etselop!
538
00:56:54,087 --> 00:56:56,760
Calm down, Fiddler,
don't get the lady
all worked up
539
00:56:58,887 --> 00:57:01,003
Hey, Foreman!
540
00:57:12,207 --> 00:57:13,276
Look
541
00:57:20,727 --> 00:57:22,843
Yeah, I got it
542
00:57:25,007 --> 00:57:29,247
Look, do you have
a friend with a gravitsapa
and a pepelats?
543
00:57:29,247 --> 00:57:30,847
Why?
544
00:57:30,847 --> 00:57:32,967
If you could give
us a lift to Earth,
545
00:57:32,967 --> 00:57:34,958
we'd give you both
a crate of ketse
546
00:57:37,247 --> 00:57:41,525
I understand,
you don't believe in words.
What am I thinking?
547
00:57:44,167 --> 00:57:47,367
That your wife is probably
calling the city morgue?
548
00:57:47,367 --> 00:57:51,087
No, what am
I thinking now?
549
00:57:51,087 --> 00:57:52,679
That you'll
give me ketse
550
00:57:53,247 --> 00:57:54,680
See, it's true
551
00:57:55,887 --> 00:57:58,560
What kind of moron
would think true stuff?
552
00:58:00,687 --> 00:58:02,279
It's absurd
553
00:58:03,367 --> 00:58:06,567
And because you say
what you don't think
554
00:58:06,567 --> 00:58:08,567
and think what
you don't think
555
00:58:08,567 --> 00:58:11,327
you sit in cages,
556
00:58:11,327 --> 00:58:16,127
I can see this
whole bitter cataclysm
557
00:58:16,127 --> 00:58:19,327
- and
Vladimir Nickolaevich, too
558
00:58:19,327 --> 00:58:22,527
They say that Patsaks have
to sing in cages, do we
559
00:58:22,527 --> 00:58:24,527
Stop freaking out
560
00:58:24,527 --> 00:58:26,518
It's ok mate,
we'll sing next to it
561
00:58:27,327 --> 00:58:30,527
Get in, he saw us,
he'll trangluke us!
562
00:58:30,527 --> 00:58:31,607
We're not animals
563
00:58:31,607 --> 00:58:33,598
What?
564
00:58:35,327 --> 00:58:37,447
No, you'll get in!
565
00:58:37,447 --> 00:58:38,527
Let go!
566
00:58:38,527 --> 00:58:40,518
Stop it!
567
00:58:46,527 --> 00:58:49,166
Get in, or he'll
melt us down!
568
00:58:49,687 --> 00:58:53,447
Let's get in, Fiddler,
since the lady's asking
569
00:58:53,447 --> 00:58:55,438
Get in
570
00:59:00,887 --> 00:59:05,687
One, two, three...
571
00:59:05,687 --> 00:59:07,287
Dance!
572
00:59:07,287 --> 00:59:08,367
Dance
573
00:59:08,367 --> 00:59:12,599
You know what?
Go book another band
574
00:59:13,687 --> 00:59:15,803
What?
575
00:59:25,927 --> 00:59:27,519
Be right back
576
00:59:31,247 --> 00:59:32,847
We have to run
577
00:59:32,847 --> 00:59:36,047
Boys, give it a push,
it's uphill
578
00:59:36,047 --> 00:59:38,038
Now this we can do
579
00:59:46,167 --> 00:59:47,759
Accelerate!
580
00:59:48,327 --> 00:59:50,966
Bye, dorks!
581
01:00:10,687 --> 01:00:18,162
I'll tell everybody
what this clown PG
did to the planet!
582
01:00:20,287 --> 01:00:25,077
Patsaks are trampling
all over Chatlans!
583
01:00:32,527 --> 01:00:35,724
Everything in place?
584
01:00:36,247 --> 01:00:37,726
She stole
my aftershave
585
01:00:39,447 --> 01:00:41,039
Women
586
01:00:46,927 --> 01:00:52,247
Let me.
What do you have
in there - lead?
587
01:00:52,247 --> 01:00:53,839
I got it,
uncle Vova
588
01:01:30,607 --> 01:01:34,887
I have no idea
where to look
589
01:01:34,887 --> 01:01:36,878
Where is Earth?
590
01:01:53,127 --> 01:01:57,367
Me and comrade Moshkov,
being Patsaks,
591
01:01:57,367 --> 01:02:01,647
could charge 2 chatls
per gig max
592
01:02:01,647 --> 01:02:06,447
Water, luts and bribes
to etselops - at least a chatl a day
593
01:02:06,447 --> 01:02:11,247
And a gravitsapa is
worth half a ketse!
That's 2200 chatls
594
01:02:11,247 --> 01:02:17,087
Divide by 365,
minus weekends,
equals 6
595
01:02:17,087 --> 01:02:20,287
I simply couldn't get
back in less than 6 years
596
01:02:20,287 --> 01:02:25,087
Gedevan Alexandrovich,
I only have your word for it
597
01:02:25,087 --> 01:02:27,767
Do you have any
proof that you came
back from outer space
598
01:02:27,767 --> 01:02:35,196
and not sold the
violin and spent all
that time in the disco?
599
01:02:35,727 --> 01:02:37,877
This is a
local mineral
600
01:02:38,407 --> 01:02:41,080
This is a chatl
601
01:02:42,127 --> 01:02:43,207
This is a tsak
602
01:02:43,207 --> 01:02:45,327
A metal nut and
a sample of sand
603
01:02:45,327 --> 01:02:49,047
are appended to
the report I gave
to the Dean's secretary
604
01:02:49,047 --> 01:02:51,047
so she could
forward it to
the United Nations
605
01:02:51,047 --> 01:02:52,807
Where?
606
01:02:52,807 --> 01:02:54,399
To the United Nations
607
01:02:56,527 --> 01:02:59,727
Look, Gedevan Alexandrovich,
you're an adult
608
01:02:59,727 --> 01:03:02,927
You've studied here
for a half-term and then
disappeared for years
609
01:03:02,927 --> 01:03:06,647
And now you come
back with a stone,
610
01:03:06,647 --> 01:03:10,887
a piece of
Georgian ceramics
611
01:03:10,887 --> 01:03:13,567
and a bell,
612
01:03:13,567 --> 01:03:15,567
and you expect
me to believe...
613
01:03:15,567 --> 01:03:19,967
And by the way,
if you are so musical,
614
01:03:19,967 --> 01:03:24,007
why weren't you in
our student orchestra?
615
01:03:24,007 --> 01:03:28,523
Excuse me, Fiddler,
but this is just koo!
616
01:03:30,207 --> 01:03:32,243
END OF PART ONE